Chaperones and Charades
by ThirdCharm01
Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.
1. Prologue

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, Drama

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Up to and including some parts of "Grey 17 is Missing", after that, anything goes

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Prologue

He was running at top speed through the corridors of the station. The beings in front of and surrounding him were either diving out of the way or flattening themselves against the bulkheads in order to avoid injury to them selves. Who or what, pray tell, was the brown tornado speeding through Babylon 5's busiest passages? Why, of course, it was the station's resident and lovable "P.I.T.A.".

_Anla'Shok_ (Ranger) Marcus Cole had finally met his match; and it was a horror worse than the Shadows, a waking nightmare for any independent, sentient male. He was the target of a chaperone intent on contracting a marriage to scion of her most ancient and noble House. Therefore, Marcus, being the sensible descendant of sensible Welsh miners and even more sensible Irish peasants, was now doing the only thing that he could. He ran for his life, limb, and virtue – and not necessarily in that order. He zigged, zagged, feinted; and finally lost his pursuers as he ducked into an (thank Valen!) unlocked maintenance closet. As Marcus caught his breath, he briefly thought back to how this fiasco started.

It started with the first diplomatic encounter between the Kreene and the Interstellar Alliance. The, in most of C&C's opinion (now that they knew better), spoiled daughter of the Kreene first contact specialist had expressed her interest the "suffering and oh so noble" Station Ranger. (Valen, he could kill Ivanova! Marcus was sure she was the one to spread tales as personal vengeance. He didn't deserve this. All he'd done was compliment the woman!) So, being the excellent and dutiful chaperone that the High Lady Mallita was, she arranged to have _Anla'Shok_ Cole be their escort for the tour of the station. Delenn, seeing no danger in the seemingly innocent request, agreed. And so the torture began.

When Marcus arrived at the diplomatic quarters of Senator Bahlille of the Kreene Confederacy he was greeted to a sight right out of the storybooks his mother used to read to him when he was a child. The Kreene were a golden wraith-like race that highly resembled the high elves of human mythology; right down to the pointed ears, long, sun colored locks and flowing gossamer robes. Most humans would have just stood and stared at the sight. Marcus, on the other hand, approached the Senator, and introduced himself in the proper _Anla'Shok_ fashion. The Senator then presented Marcus to his traveling household and the individuals of said household to Marcus. At this point the Senator and his aides excused themselves in order to begin negotiations with _Entil'Zha_ (Ranger Commander) Delenn and Captain Sheridan.

The tour itinerary began with the station gardens. As the party walked the garden paths Marcus, knowing how important and alliance with the Kreene was to the war effort, turned on the charm. That was his first mistake. His second was in believing that the senator's daughter, Mayahalla, was an innocent child. The assault, as Marcus referred to the experience, began almost immediately. It started with innuendos a fifteen Standard year old aristocrat should not know. Then he found himself constantly being touched, felt up, and outright groped by a female jail bait octopus! Marcus almost broke and ran when the pointy-eared, pint sized, pickpocket expert somehow got her hand DOWN his uniform trousers. He DID humiliate himself by emitting a very high-pitched yelp. Marcus looked for help from the adults in the party and was summarily ignored.

Every time Marcus tried to extricate himself from the Lady Mayahalla's side, the Bahlille family guards found a way to set him right back to where he started. Finally, when they stopped at a café in the Zocalo for a mid-day meal, Marcus tactfully approached the young lady's chaperone about the situation. He was horrified to learn that the High Lady Mallita was proud of her charge's forthright attitude. Her ladyship then stated that she would be delighted to start contract proceedings with his family's representative in regards to her charge's hand in marriage. Marcus was stunned. After somehow finding his voice again, the intrepid Ranger stuttered out that he was an orphaned only survivor of a dead colony without a credit to his name. Her young Ladyship could, _and should_, do much better. There was also the matter of the eighteen Standard years in age difference to consider. The High Lady pishawed his answer and said such circumstances wouldn't be too much of an issue. After all, what Lady Mayahalla wants, Lady Mayahalla gets!

As Marcus sat frozen in utter horror at this revelation, Lennier approached their party. Lennier had come to find Marcus on behalf of Delenn. An intelligence contact had come bearing vital information for the Army of Light. Fortunately for Marcus, said contact would only speak to him. Grabbing this unexpected lifeline, he made quick apologies to the Kreene party in general, managed to avoid the grabbing hands of his underage stalker, and left for the war room at all possible speed, (Dignity be DAMNED! There was only so much that a man's virtue and sanity could take!), leaving a bemused Lennier to deal with the Kreene party.

Marcus arrived at the war room in record time. He was breathless and disheveled. Seeing that the entire War Council had been assembled, Marcus gathered together some semblance of professionalism and began to debrief his contact. After the debriefing and impromptu strategy session, he collapsed in an undignified heap muttering about his cursed existence. This got him the full attention for the assembled company. At that moment Lennier entered the war room with a stunned expression. Since everyone's attention was still on Marcus, Lennier was not immediately questioned about said expression. The Captain, however, did ask Marcus what was wrong. That started the ranting about enduring an entire morning of sexual molestation at the hands of Tolkien's own Lolita, curses thrown at professional matchmakers, accusations that Ivanova was responsible for his humiliation, ravings about becoming the Angel of Vengeance himself, and threats to quit the Rangers if Delenn EVER put him in a situation such as this one again. The language used made Vir gasp, Delenn choke, and Lennier pale. All in all, no one had known that their polite and gentlemanly Ranger had such a range of vocabulary.

When Marcus finally stopped raving in order to breath, (and wipe the froth from his mouth), Lennier quietly, and with as much diplomacy and dignity as possible, explained as much of the situation as he could. His information came from the "conversions" of the Kreene party as he escorted them back to their diplomatic quarters. These really were one extremely longwinded monologue by the Lady Mayahalla about Marcus's probable sexual abilities, and a short statement by the High Lady Mallita that she was positive that a marriage contract between her charge and the _Anla'Shok_ could be obtained. After all, she had NEVER failed in obtaining one before. There were also some incoherent mutterings of the family guards at the lengths her High Ladyship went to in order to obtain those contracts, some of which did not bear repeating. Needless to say, the commanders of the Army of Light were stunned.

After the initial silence brought on by shock, Ivanova, Na'Toth, (G'Kar's aid), and even Delenn began to laugh uproariously. The men, of course, kept their mirth to truly evil smirks. The only two people who seemed to have any sympathy for Marcus were Vir and Lennier – Valen bless their good and innocent souls! Garibaldi even had the audacity to suggest that he might need to look up the Statutory Laws for the station, just in case his personal "P.I.T.A." ended up in lock-up. After all, if you turn one girl's head, what about all the other poor innocents on the station? Fortunately, Lennier and Vir, who were the closest to Marcus, were able to hold him back. Unfortunately, the raving began again at a much higher volume. It took all of Sheridan's and Delenn's (after she had herself under control again) command and diplomatic skills to get the situation, and one half-crazed Ranger, under control. They promised Marcus that they would get the "Yenta Situation" as Ivanova began to refer to it, solved as quickly as diplomacy allowed. Marcus snorted at this, and made a very rude statement on the oxymoron factor of "quick" and "diplomacy" in the same sentence. He then went on to state that he should just speak to Brother Theo about taking Holy Vows right now if all he had to keep him away from "her Ladyship" was "_diplomacy_".

On that note, Stephen Franklin stated that Marcus was in need of a sedative and would he accompany to the nearest med lab? This request was then made an order by Delenn. She asked Lennier and Vir to go with Marcus in order to offer emotional support. In reality, she had them go with the doctor and Ranger because they were the only ones there that Marcus would feel guilty about injuring in an attempt to avoid med lab. They left with Lennier and Vir each holding an arm.

After the trip to med lab, an injection, and extension of sympathies by his two "loyal" friends, (the good doctor was no longer on that list. Smirking and chuckling indeed!), the doc was "dumped" and the trio proceeded to Marcus's quarters. When they arrived at the door to his quarters, Marcus reassured both the aids that he did not need anyone to stay with him. He sent both the aides on their way. Marcus then barricaded himself in with the intention of not leaving until the Kreene diplomatic party was off the station. It was not to be. The next morning, too early in Marcus's opinion, the comm awoke him.

Sheridan himself told him the bad, worse, and, not to be borne, news. First, volunteers who needed training in espionage were arriving ahead of schedule. Since Marcus would be handling their training, hiding out was not an option. Second, the marriage contract was permanently removed from the bargaining table (due to a tap dance by Sheridan that would impress the cast of Chicago) between the Alliance and Confederacy. But, John and Delenn could not completely stop the High Lady from pursuing said contract on a personal level. By Kreene cultural standards, to ask such a thing from the Senator would be the height of disrespect to his station. John had explained to the Senator the Human cultural taboos in regarding to "underage dating". He even managed to spin the story so that Marcus would not have to deal directly with her Ladyship. Unfortunately, Kreene marriage contracts can be written to have a "future" clause. Even with Delenn's formidable skills in half-truths, double talk, and ambiguous statements there was nothing that they could politically do to stop he High Ladyship from seeking him out. Last, and most painful of all, he was ordered to handle the situation as peacefully and diplomatically as possible.

The Kreene were too important to the war against the Shadows for Marcus to blow it. The Bahlille family guards were NOT to have any "accidents", be the victims of any "muggings", and/or any other type of harassment while on the station. Meaning, Marcus was not allowed to use his lurker contacts to do his dirty work. There were to be no unexplained "injures" to anyone in the Kreene party. Lastly, _there were to be no "disappearances" of said persons, PERIOD!_ The _Entil'Zha_ and future _Anla'Shok Na_ (Ranger One) were quite aware of what he was capable of, hence the extremely detailed and airtight instructions. The poor Ranger had no room to maneuver what so ever.

After such a lovely wakeup call, even raiding his stash of contraband Cadbury chocolate and Earl Grey tea did nothing to cheer Marcus up. Marcus dragged out getting ready for the day as much as possible. Right when he screwed his courage to the sticking point and walked to the door, the comm went off again. Praying for a last minute miracle, Marcus answered. There was no miracle. It was the despicable trio, the three so-called friends who laughed at his pain; Garibaldi, Ivanova, and Franklin - traitors all! Marcus was about to sign off when the apologies started pouring in. Apparently the Dastardly Duo from Kreene had gotten their fangs into them this morning as they had left Sheridan's briefing. The harassment had centered on gathering information about Marcus. Each of the officers had tried to throw the ladies off the scent by spinning a tale as to why Marcus was "off the meat market" as Garibaldi put it.

They had each tried the underage route first, using different arguments and reasoning, citing Earth laws, and medical cases (don't ask). They all learned about Kreene marriage contract bylaws, yippee! Ivanova's eyes were still glazed. Dr. Franklin went the "not up to full duty" route due to the _den'shah_ (duel to the death). Her High Ladyship replied that she could easily extend her stay until Marcus was able to handle to negotiations. Garibaldi brought out the penniless orphan card. The argument was summarily waved off. Ivanova went the "duty to the war" route next. Again, the excuse was waived off. Garibaldi tried the "lives a very dangerous life, will bring dangerous enemies to her High Ladyship's charge" speech. The High Lady pointed out that if the Kreene joined the war against the shadows, then her charge would be a prime target due to the Senator's contribution to the alliance between the KC and ISA. At that point, Marcus's Ranger skills would come in handy since his enemies would be theirs. Ivanova, of all people, tried a last ditch appeal to Mallita's honor. Susan spun a tale worthy of the Immortal Bard himself. It was something about Marcus making a graveside vow to someone important in his life to not marry until he found his soul mate. The matchmaker just stared at Susan and then stated that she could "persuade" Marcus that Mayahalla was his soul mate. All three officers felt the hairs on the back of their necks stand on end at how the lady had said, "persuade". They beat a hasty retreat to Garibaldi's office and immediately called Marcus to warn him.

Marcus thanked his friends for their belated show of support, gave them the run down from his talk with John and Delenn that morning, and asked if anyone had a fast acting poison since he was out. He was told to cheer up. As soon as they could get together with him, they would start planning operation "Space the Yenta". Lennier and Vir also wanted to join in. Marcus thanked his friends, told them that he was late for a meeting and signed off. Marcus again gathered his courage, and left his quarters. A messenger that told him that the High Lay Mallita wished to meet with him at his earliest convenience immediately met him. Marcus stated that his schedule did not permit a meeting for day, and due to unforeseen duties in the war effort he could not schedule a meeting with any certainty for the foreseeable future.

This did not deter a very determined matchmaker. There were "accidental" meetings in the corridors, catches in eating establishments, characters of all sorts following him, and the Bahlille guards lurking by his quarters constantly. His BabCom message center was filled. Every one of the messages was from either Mayahalla of Mallita. Marcus didn't dare go home. He began to sleep at the _Anla'Shok_ training salle. Thank Valen he always kept a few clean uniforms in his locker there. Lennier snuck him food. Vir began meeting his lurker contacts in the bars. He was the easiest to explain. He was always in the establishments to drag a drunk Londo out. The next week brought a barrage of bribes, ultimatums, and threats. The situation was quickly spinning out of control. Delenn even brought Kosh in on the situation. The Vorlon made a statement that "Only the one who shared death with Marcus shared his soul." Obviously this did not deter Marcus's personal demon. His friends tried to keep him calm and in good spirits by updating him on the status of operation "Space the Yenta".

The insane situation culminated in kidnapping attempts. In defending himself Marcus injured two of his attackers. When security arrived, it was found that his attackers were some of the Kreene guards. A thoroughly pissed off Marcus immediately pressed charges. The, by now slightly unhinged, Ranger thought that he had finally rid himself of the mess. He could not have been more wrong. Apparently "forcible" meetings were acceptable for "discussing" marriage contracts. Mallita wanted to press charges against Marcus. After some serious political wrangling, the powers that be decided that it was all a cultural misunderstanding. Everyone was off the hook. At this point, one of the older Kreene guards managed to tell Garibaldi that Marcus's only chances were to produce a more noble option in contract (i.e., a marriage suite offered to Marcus by a higher placed noble), or appoint his own matchmaker(s). He was allowed two. The person(s) sole objective should be to tie up, bog down, and delay the proceedings until both Ladies lost interest. Unfortunately it wouldn't stop the abduction attempts. He was not allowed under Kreene law to leave the station until negotiations were over. There were loopholes that Mallita could use in her favor.

The entire war council convened to deal with this situation. It had gone from absurd to insane, and was now approaching Three Stooges sustained Bedlam! After Garibaldi related what the guard had told him, the brainstorming began. Ivanova was still in favor of the airlock solution, and lobbied for it almost exclusively. It was finally decided to appoint Londo and Kosh as Marcus's matchmakers. If anyone could make contract negotiations a nightmare, it was Londo. As for Kosh, well anyone who had tried to get a discernible statement, or for that matter an appointment, out of a Vorlon knew exactly what Mallita was in for. Lyta would run interference for the war council and tell the Vorlon that he had been "volunteered" for the assignment. All Marcus had to do was stay out of the "Spider Queen's" clutches. This came from Na'Toth, who had developed a fascination with a centuries old Earth serial titled "Flash Gordon". (Everyone blamed Garibaldi for this; the Security Chief so enjoyed corrupting innocent diplomatic aides.).

The plan was set in motion. Everyone who knew and cared offered aide to Marcus. Food caches and hiding places were made available. Every excuse was thought of and made as to why Marcus could not be found. The Ranger went into complete escape and evade mode. Even everything he'd gone through as a Ranger and in EFI didn't compare to this. In those situations he still had his dignity. Marcus felt that he now knew what an escaped slave from the American Civil War must have felt like. And that was how one of the finest of the _Anla'Shok_ came to be out of breathe and hiding in a maintenance closet on Babylon 5.


	2. Chapter 1

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter One

After an unknown amount of time, Marcus gathered the courage to check if the coast was clear. He opened the closet door and peeked out into the corridor. Hmm, no lurking Kreene, no gossamer trains, and no renegade lurkers. Maybe he'd finally gotten lucky. Marcus snorted to himself. What was he thinking?! The only luck he had was bad luck. Marcus told himself to accept the fact and move on.

The station's lead Ranger reconned the area again. There didn't seem to be anyone hiding in shadows or alcoves. Of course, his pursuers could be blending into the crowds. Well, there was nothing for it. Marcus couldn't stay in a maintenance closet for the rest of the Kreene marriage contract negotiations. Praying to the two strongest entities in his life, Marcus walked out into the Zocalo. Damn! Apparently Jeff and Jesus were too busy playing cosmic chess to hear his prayers. He had immediately picked up a tail.

Well, maybe one of the Boys was listening – with half an ear. His tail was the sympathetic guard. Marcus had learned over the last weeks of escape and evasion that this guard's name was Ristall. This Ristall did not always stick close or report the _Anla'Shok's_ movements to Mallita. Also, he would occasionally help to send the other bloodhounds in the wrong direction. Marcus had seen him do it more than once. He wanted to know why Ristall was helping him.

Marcus snorted to himself. What was with the Kreene, anyway? Is was amazing that the Kreene were able to get to where ever they went, it should have been impossible with the crowds of gawkers the species always drew. This Bahlille House Carl fit the description of the legendary Balrog Slayer to a tee. Could it be that the Divine Creator was an obsessed fan of Tolkien? Marcus could just see it. The omnipotent and all-powerful cosmic creator doing the geek thing at a sci-fi and fantasy convention - all dressed up as Gandalf to boot. The Ranger shook off his odd thoughts and put his plan into action.

The Ranger slowed down his pace, and with an almost imperceptible nod of his head, acknowledged the Kreene. Marcus then ducked into a seldom-used corridor between two of the shops and waited. After a few minutes, Ristall joined him. They took each other's measure as two respectful opponents would when stepping into a combat training ring. Marcus threw the first salvo.

"Why have you been helping me?" Marcus asked.

"Why do you want to know?" replied the Kreene guard.

Marcus snorted. "Answering a question with a question is a very Minbari trait. They are masters of evasive answers."

"Really? The Minbari I have met say that it is an Earther trait," the alien guard replied, intrigued.

"It is said that Humans and Minbari share souls." Marcus saw Ristall's puzzled expression. He immediately knew the cause of the confusion and explained, "The correct name for my species is Human. Please, do not apologize. It is a common mistake. Most species name themselves after the planet of their origin or name their planet after their species."

The stress that the Ranger was under showed as he continued to elaborate, "We humans, on the other hand, do not. Perhaps it is because we developed philosophy and deductive seasoning at a much earlier time in our evolution that most other species. We have archaeological evidence that such higher thought processes were in use by our ancestors before they left the caves."

"Our most ancient forefathers believed that the Earth was a sentient entity in its own right, thus deserving its own and original name. Most Early Humans referred to our planet in terms of a female entity such as "Gaia". But, as everyone tells me, I am babbling. So, I ask again, why are you helping me?" he asked.

"Would you believe me if told that the Senator wished to help out of professional courtesy?" answered the Kreene.

Now it was Marcus's turn to be confused. "Correct me if I am wrong, but did the Senator not say that I would insult him if I asked him to stop this madness… ah… I mean process? Also, I am a simple Ranger. Your employer is a Lord of Kreene and a Senator."

"Yes well, my Lord Bahlille started out as a simple warrior and rose to his current position. It helped that he married well." Ristall explained. Then almost to himself he added, "His wife was a much better catch than his _kretch_… ah… I mean "Lady" of a daughter."

"So, what, he thought to... Let's see, how should I put this? Hmm... He thought to give me, a leg up, cement an alliance, and dump the albatross, all in one go?" Marcus fumed.

"I do not understand the term of dumping this "ablotras"," the Kreene stated.

Marcus felt like an elementary school teacher as he explained, "That's albatross. It is an analogy to ancient human poetic saga. The saga was written about a sailor weighed down with both the responsibility and guilt of his actions. The poet used a carcass of a very large sea bird called an albatross as a metaphor for the guilt and responsibilities of the sailor. The sailor carried the carcass through his adventures in the poem. He did not and was not able put down the "albatross" until the end."

Ristall's eyes went wide with comprehension. "Ah, I understand now. Our young charge is the "albatross" because her welfare is our Lord's responsibility." The Kreene shook his head. "You humans have too many literary analogies in your day to day language," he replied dryly.

"Yes well, that is one of the many complaints other races have when learning Standard. Now, I wish to get back to our original discussion. Why is your Lord helping me?" Marcus asked again.

"Just because the Senator cannot directly stop the negotiation does not mean that he agrees with the process or his ladies' actions. You see, on Kreene, when a person of higher rank offers a lower ranking person a possible marriage contract it is considered a great honor. If the person of lower rank were to outright reject the contract, it would be as if they were telling the person of higher rank that the rank they held was not deserved. This is a great insult. Wars involving the entire planet had been started due to such perceived insults," Ristall explained.

"Ah, a situation along similar lines of thought happened in Earth's ancient past. It is referred to as the Trojan War. While on a mission to Greece, which is a region of Earth, with his brother the heir, a younger prince of the Kingdom of Troy had fallen in love with the very young wife of the King of Greece and she with him. Well, the poor, impressionable youth had some good excuses. Some of the ancient writers say that the Gods themselves chose his fate. It is also said that Helen, that is the ancient Grecian queen's name by the way, was the most beautiful woman of her time."

"Anyway, Paris, that is the prince's name, courted the queen and convinced her to love him openly, and then, to add insult to the injury dealt to the elderly Grecian king, they ran away together. They went back to Troy and married there in defiance of the laws and traditions of Greece. Ultimately, this led to a very bloody and prolonged war that resulted in the destruction of Troy by the Warriors of the Grecian Armada. To this day, Humans will say of a terribly beautiful woman that she "has a face that can launch a thousand ships"."

The tale had enthralled Ristall. He shook his head in the end and said, "That was much more drastic. Not only did a youth insult an elder, but also the person of subordinate rank insulted the leadership abilities and position of the highest rank in the land, and then added adultery to his list of crimes. Death would not have saved this Paris the torment he would have earned himself had he been borne on Kreene."

"Yes, I may not be Paris, but I do not wish to force his Lordship into a political corner either," Marcus stated.

"I see that you understand. You should know that you have the sympathies of the House Guard as well as the Senator," the guard said with an encouraging nod.

"Understanding the situation and have your sympathies is all well and good. But it still doesn't extricate my sorry hide from the mess, now does it? Marcus groused.

Ristall smirked. "Now that, young Warrior, is what your matchmakers are for. And I must say that the choices made to represent you by your superiors are truly inspired. The Centauri Ambassador always behaves as if he is deeply in his cups. He and his aide arrive as late as is possible to do so without giving offense. Then the wily one pretends to be so enamored with that _kr_… ah, the High Lady that he cannot keep his ardor to himself," Ristall started to chuckle with the memory.

"This day past, Ambassador Mollari had the entire guard in pain with mirth. The Ambassador put on such a performance in professing his undying attraction to her high ladyship. He stared at High Lady Mallita with all the stupefied enthrallment of a youth with his first woman. He pretended to have forgotten the points brought up in the previous meeting. His aide then took the longest time possible to find his record of previous talks. Oh, but it was hilarious! The aide had to "forcefully" drag his attention back to their conversion over and over and over again. After a prolonged period of that behavior, Mollari grabbed the files from Vir's hands and threw them across the conference room. He stated that he would refuse to speak about your contract until the High Lady agreed to discuss a contract of marriage between them. The Ambassador then went to bended knee and began to spout love poetry from his world. The High Lady stammered and stuttered while hurrying her maid through picking up their files. When they finally put together their things, the two literally ran from the room, leaving us behind. After it was assured that our Lady would not return, Mollari asked if he had been too over blown in his acting! No one could suppress their laughter after that!"

Marcus was holding his sides. He had laughed himself to tears at the mental image that the Kreene's story had produced. "I knew Londo was good for something. I must remember to send him a good bottle of _Brevari_, ah, that's a Centauri alcoholic beverage, …Wait, where was Kosh during all this?" he asked.

"The Vorlon? Ah. Well, you see, he met with Mallita once so far. He reiterated his earlier statement. When her ladyship began her reasoning Kosh interrupted with one word, "Arrogance!" and left. When the High Lady tried to follow, the lady Alexander stopped her in her tracks with a stare that would made the keepers of the underworld tremble in fear," the Kreene answered with a slight shudder. Even as amusing as the sight had been, there was something truly unnerving about the Vorlon's aide.

They were still chuckling at that piece of information when Marcus remembered what Ristall had told him about rank protocol for marriage contracts. "Ristall, has Londo put himself in danger by offering a contract to High Lady Mallita?"

"Do not worry, young one. Your friend is safe. Ambassador Mollari is of higher rank. This was unofficially "officially" established during the negotiations for our two people's war alliance. The Senator and Ambassador hatched this scheme in the slyest use of double talk and innuendo, during the official negotiations mind you, that I have ever been witness to," Ristall answered.

"Wait, the Senator is backstabbing one in his own household?" Marcus asked, shocked.

The Kreene raised an elegant eyebrow. "Do not be so surprised. The Senator is both a father and a man. He knows that his late wife's laywomen have horribly spoiled his daughter. My Lord acts to protect his child from herself. Also, he can commiserate with your plight. After our good Lady was no more, Ladies from court sent many contract offers. It was horrible. That is why The High Lady was asked to join the household. She is formidable in her version of combat. Unfortunately, our blessing has now become your curse."

"You can say that again…" Marcus was interrupted by his comm going off. It was Garibaldi.

"Marcus, what's your twenty?" the Security Chief asked.

"Zocalo, grid eight," the _Anla'Shok_ replied.

"Well, move the kiester mister, the DDoK are on the hunt them selves," Garibaldi warned.

"Bugger and bloody hell! Safe house?" was the panicked cry from the Ranger.

"One, but you are NOT going to like it," the Chief answered in a grim voice.

"Michael, desperation has taken all dignity and pride from me. I'll even bunk with the Pakmara if it keeps me away from that pixie-eared Lolita!" Marcus practically cried out.

"Alright, it's Delenn's. But, Marcus tonight it's girls' night in, and they refuse to cancel," Michael warned.

"Girl's night in? What's that?" Marcus asked, confused.

"Ivanova, Alexander, Delenn and Na'Toth get together one night every couple of weeks for a hen session. Tonight's the night and it's Delenn's turn to host. Marcus, I have to warn you, I walked in on one unexpectedly. It was bad, really bad. Ivanova and Na'Toth were trying to see who could put Smirnoff out of business first, Lyta had six empty boxes of Godivas by her, and Delenn, well, let's just say that a Minbari should_ never _have that many triple mocha cappuccinos," the Chief explained, and Marcus could literally hear the older man shudder at the memory.

Marcus paled at the thought of being the same room with a drunk Ivanova and Na'Toth, Lyta on a super sugar high, and a hyper caffeine-rushed boss. All of who were probably going to discuss, in great detail, why men are such animals. Maybe he SHOULD check out the Pakmaras.

"Sorry to break in on the channel boss, but the DDoK have been sighted entering the Zocalo," Zack Allen added.

Marcus paled even more at that warning.

"Go, young Warrior, I will distract the ladies," Ristall offered with a smirk. "Our women can never pass up hair trinkets." With that statement, the Kreene was off on his mission.

Well, there was nothing for it now, and a dejected Marcus made his way to Delenn's. Outside the door to his _Entil'Zha's_ rooms he met Lennier. The aide put a hand on his shoulder in a comrade's way of offering support.

"You are _Anla'Shok,_ Marcus. Be strong. Remember your _mora'dum _(mastering of your greatest fear)," he said softly, and after delivering that ominous statement, the Minbari priest left.

Marcus said a quick prayer and knocked. When he was called in, well it was everything that Garibaldi said it was, and oh so much worse. The women of B5 were having a bloody pajama party!


	3. Chapter 2

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Two

Ah, to be in space again! Away from the Clan Elders, the rest of the Caste, the Council, and particularly _Shai Alyt_ (Warrior Caste Leader) Shakiri had to be one of the most liberating of feelings. _Alyt_ (Captain) Neroon of the Star Riders Clan had felt pure relief when he boarded his War Cruiser, the _Ingata_. Returning to the Warrior Caste Council and having to explain why Delenn was now elevated to _Entil'Zha_ had not been a... "comfortable" experience. Moreover, that explanation led to the even more uncomfortable explanation as to why he had broken _den'shah_. The _Alyt_ had never before seen such an uproar in the Warrior Caste Council Chamber before. A human willing to die for a Minbari, and calling on Valen's name in his last moments to boot!

Neroon had been positive that Shakiri was about to expire on the Council Floor when he heard that bit of information. He now understood the meanings of the Human sayings, "his eyes were bugged out of his head" and "tongue-tied". He hadn't been able to help himself; a chuckle had escaped him at the sight of the Wind Sword loosing his control in such a humiliating manor. Thank Valen, no one had noticed, and if they had, they had ignored him.

Standing safely on the bridge of his ship, the _Alyt_ was now able to savor the humor in the situation. Before Neroon had witnessed it, he had not believed such a range of stupidity and complete in-articulation could shown by Shakiri as he tried to find a way to punish Neroon for not killing Delenn without incriminating himself in his own plots against her. There had been no doubt about it; Shakiri had been after his hide. For a few tense moments Neroon had thought that he would be declared Outcast. He had been able to extricate himself out of that fiasco with life, standing, and honor still intact only with the help of Master Durhann and his cadre. The wily old _Denn'Bok_ Master (Minbari fighting pike Master) was able to think and talk circles around Shakiri and his supporters.

Neroon's musings were interrupted by one of his aides. "Sir, we have a "for your eyes only" communiqué coming in from Yedor," the very young and very nervous aide stuttered out.

Neroon's curiosity was peaked. "Very well, young Warrior. I will take it in the tactical display room," he answered.

"Yes, _Alyt_," the youth acknowledged, then bowed and withdrew.

Neroon made his way to the command's tactical display room, pondering why a message would be sent in such high secrecy. What ever it held, it did not bode well him or the _Ingata_, of that he was sure. When he reached his destination, Neroon immediately walked to the communications terminal. He looked at the screen. This no communiqué, it was an incoming live relay message straight from the Warrior Caste Council Chambers. What could be so important as to warrant this? Neroon activated the display. It showed the venerable old Warrior, Master Durhann.

"Ah, Neroon. Well, I must say, I did not expect for us to be speaking to each other again so quickly," the Elder greeted him.

Neroon bowed his head. "Master Durhann, I also did not expect such a quick conversation. I do not understand the speed or the need for such secrecy," he replied dryly.

The _Denn'Bok_ Master picked Neroon's emphasis on "secrecy". "Neroon, do not be cross with your young aide. I gave him strict orders to misrepresent this message if you were not alone."

"I see, again Master, may I inquire on the need for such secrecy?" Neroon asked.

"That will be revealed when you hear my message," replied Durhann. "To put it simply, Shakiri is dead."

Neroon was stunned. "How… How did this happen?"

Derhann sighed in vexation. "Apparently Shakiri's stupidity knew no bounds today. He did not only dishonor and insult the entirety of the Caste today in Council, with his words and actions, he has also stained the honor of the Wind Swords in such a way that I did not think they will ever recover from it, once words gets out."

This was ill news indeed. "I may not yet know what has happened to the _Shai Alyt_, but surely they can do some kind of damage control," Neroon stated, inferring both to his need to know precisely what happened to Shakiri and the Wind Sword Elders' ability at spin control.

"Not this time, my friend. If they worked at light speed, it would not be fast enough to stop the story of what happened from getting out," Durhann said rather sadly. "Apparently, after he reached the Wind Sword stronghold, that idiot threw a tantrum that would have made a two Standard year old Human child look reasonable. He marched into his personal training salle and smashed everything in sight while screaming every profanity and curse known to our races' three modern languages."

Neroon had known that Shakiri had possessed a temper. But, by this description, the Warrior must have also been mentally unbalanced. This tale kept getting more and more shocking.

"Oh, but it just gets better from there, Neroon. _Sech_ (drill and instruction Master) Turval had sent a young Human female trainee for the _Anla'Shok_ to deliver some information crystals that Shakiri had requested. She had, as the Humans say, a "front row seat" to the entire incident, including the grand finale. The raving idiot ordered the murders of you, Delenn, and her _Anla'Shok_ Champion right in front of the Human. Then, with great fan fair, Shakiri spun around only to trip on the mess he had made. He landed right on top of the smashed edges of two training _denn'boks_."

Neroon paled. _Denn'boks_ were notoriously hard to damage, but once broken, the metal was sharp enough and strong enough to rip through a Warrior's armor. The sharp edges of broken _denn'boks _of any kind could easily kill a Warrior.

" At least… At least, he died by a Warrior's weapon. Although, ordering murders in front of a hostile witness was truly stupid. I see now why you said that the Wind Swords would not recover easily," he hesitatingly stated, showing his shock.

"If I know one thing about Human females, my old Teacher, it is their ability to quickly disseminate information. You are right. The Wind Swords have no chance of covering this up. Every Human female within hailing range had probably received the news within seconds of the occurrence. I wouldn't be surprised if ISN is running the story as we speak. Hmm, this will also will make our relations with EarthForce and EarthDome even more delicate," Neroon continued after recovering somewhat.

"You are right about the political situation Neroon, but it is not just the insanity of his last orders that that poor Clan now has to live down, but also how he died."

Neroon was confused. Did Master Durhann not say that Shakiri had died after being pierced by a shard of a broken training _denn'bok_? "Now I am confused, did you not just say…"

Durhann cut him off with, " I had not finished telling the tale, Neroon. Shakiri's wounds were not immediately fatal." There was a definite smirk on Derhann's face now. "The moron landed seat down upon the shards."

Oh, but this was just too much for the Warrior! Neroon couldn't help himself. He began to laugh uncontrollably, and Durhann even joined in.

When finally he was able to gather enough breath to speak Neroon asked, "Then how did he die?"

"Apparently, the thrice cursed fool of a paranoid Warrior had not told his healers of his allergies as he did not want the information used against him by his enemies. Shakiri died of anaphylactic shock brought on by the anesthetic while in surgery to remove the metal shards from his posterior," Durhann explained, still chuckling a bit himself.

Neroon shook his head. This conversation was just one shock after another. "He truly was a fool. And now, whom ever the council elects as _Shai Alyt_, will have to clean up the mess. I will immediately send them my condolences along with my support."

Durhann was now staring very hard at Neroon through the comm screen.

"No, oh no. Not me!" Neroon denied.

Durhann simply nodded at that virulent denial.

"Why me? I am not qualified. I did not believe the truth of sharing souls with the Humans until it was almost too late. Even though I was once Grey, and knew the secrets found, I still refused to believe. I almost broke Valen's Ban. I DID break _den'shah_. And… And the Humans HATE me. How could anyone think that they will work with me in this war? I almost murdered one of their own, and well, Star Killer would as soon shoot me as look at me if the information I now have is correct," Neroon practically babbled out, desperately trying to avoid this promotion.

Durhann perked up in interest only at the very end of Neroon's little rant of denial. The denial itself was expected. Every newly elected _Shai Alyt_ started their tenure in office with a list of their supposed inadequacies. Durhann tended to tune them out after the first, "Why me?". But, he always was on the lookout for new information.

"Really, what information would that be?" he asked.

Neroon took a calming breath before stating, "It is said that Delenn is now his woman."

Durhann winced. "Can this be confirmed?"

"Yes," Neroon answered firmly.

Durhann swore. "Well, you do have your work cut out for you. First you have to convince the leaders of Earth that we do not want to restart the war with them. We cannot leave that to the Religious Caste, not now. Next, you must placate them, that no, we do not want to kill their so-called favorite Minbari Ambassador. After all, Minbari do not kill Minbari, and Shakiri had become mentally unstable, that is why he ordered such a thing. As for Shakiri's insanity, you better come up with a good reason for that, so GET CREATIVE! And last but not least, YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS YOU LEFT ON BABYLON FIVE!"he finished in an unholy roar.

Neroon felt like a young trainee who had just committed an unspeakable offense during a training session. He started to defend himself. "But…"

"No buts! Your arrogance, voluntarily enforced ignorance, and down right stubbornness caused this mess! Had you but stopped to think just once, this would never have happened. Now you had better dig Minbar out of the hole you and Shakiri have left us in. We need the ISA as much as they need us. We cannot fight the Shadows alone. We need the _Anla'Shok_ for the intelligence they bring in. We need to work with them all, and in one fell swoop you may have cost us this war!" Durhann roared again, all though at a slightly lower volume this time.

Neroon had by now lost all sense of decorum and was cowering before his old Teaching Master like green a youth.

"Sheridan, NOT "Star Killer" – and DO try to remember that – is the leader of the ISA combined forces. What he says goes. Surval says that he will one day be named _Anla'Shok Na_," Durhann both chastised and explained.

This time, Neroon winced visibly at the news.

"Yes, that is right, you have made an enemy of quite the important Human. With Marcus following a close second," Durhann said dryly.

"Marcus? But…" Neroon tried to ask only to be cut off again.

"Shut up Neroon, and let me speak!" Durhann cut in again. "The ISA War Council is in the middle of negotiations with the Kreene, a previously unknown race. They are reputed to be very militarily powerful, and are a much-needed ally against the Shadows. What may cement the alliance is a possible marriage contract between the Kreene Senator's daughter and one _Anla'Shok_ named Marcus Cole. Thank Valen, Marcus's strategy in stopping you did not cause his death!"

"What are you…" Neroon again tried to ask only to be cut yet again by the Elder.

"Oh Valen, no wonder we became butchers almost as notorious as the Centauri during the war with the Humans, and almost committed genocide. You young ones _JUST DON'T THINK_! Between you and Shakiri - oh, Valen, - why me?! Wait!I know, how about YOU telling ME why would a Human Ranger use such an extreme and ancient measure to stop you, hmm? Think about it, I'll wait… all day if I have to," Durhann finished dryly.

Neroon felt truly humiliated now. But how could... Then it suddenly dawned on him. "Marcus had every intention of dying that day. He did not come to fight me, but to delay me from reaching Delenn in time. I was insensate, and refused to listen to reason. The Ranger knew that he could use my pride against me. Once invoked, I would not let my honor be besmirched by breaking _den'shah_. I did break it in the end, though. Marcus did not expect that. I saw his acceptance of death in his eyes. But why, why come only to die? It could not be only for Delenn," Neroon said and began to pace as he thought the situation out.

"You've made a good start, for an IDIOT. Keep going," Durhann bit out.

"A Human beating a Minbari in a pike fight is unthinkable. But why… Yes, that's it! If Marcus had fought and, by some miracle, even won, Shakiri would have had his excuse to restart the war with the Humans. But if he lost, then both sides would have written him off as someone who had more confidence than he should have had and… Oh Valen! If I had succeeded in killing Delenn then, the _Anla'Shok_ would either have seceded from the Minbari fighting forces or declared out right war against us and the Religious Caste would gone with them in what ever they chose."

Neroon shook his head at that thought. "No, it would have been civil war. The Religious Caste would never have let Delenn be murdered with no vengeance. The war with the Humans is proof of that. Minbar would have been torn apart. By Valen, how could I have been so stupid?!" Neroon cried out in remorse. He had never felt so shamed in his life, not even when he saw Marcus lying in the med lab after his encounter with Delen. "Marcus was willing to die for all our peoples, Human and Minbari alike, while I was set to tear our world apart. You… You and the rest of the council _MUST _choose another for _Shai Alyt_. You have just proven to me that I am summarily unqualified for the position."

Durhann sighed. Ah yes, there it was, the "Choose someone else" point of the speech. Oh, why did they all have to use the same script? The old Master had heard it all before. Neroon was now worse than those who had come before, he had just acted as more of an idiot than most. Durhann pulled himself out of his thoughts and started the hand-holding stage of the talk.

"Neroon, as painful as these revelations are to you right now, you are qualified. Well, not in strategy. That we will leave to Sheridan, with as much input from his Council and our different Caste Councils as he will allow. No matter what you think of the way he had brought down the _Drala'Fi_ (Black Star), it was ingenious, and this war will need such original thinking."

"I am sorry to add more pain to your soul Neroon, but the truth is, we need you for the kill count. You are very good at what you do. You fight. Once a strategy is decided; you can work very well within its perimeters in order to do the most damage to the enemy. And when it, as the Humans say, "hits the fan" you can improvise an excellent exit strategy that gets your people out of there while still doing the most damage possible. That is what we are looking for from you in this war. Well, that and cleaning up Shakiri's mess – and your own. We don't expect Valen returned," Durhann explained not unkindly.

Neroon sat down and remained silent for a while as he absorbed this information. Then he laughed mirthlessly. ""_I killed fifty thousand of your kind during the war, what is one more?_" I was once proud of that statement. Now that it makes wreathe in shame, it makes me the best choice to lead our Caste. Valen, what have we come to?"

Durhann shook his head sadly at that question. "A fight for our very existence. Ironic, isn't it? I think what you feel now is exactly how Sheridan must have felt when he earned our moniker for him. Yet, at what they thought was to be their end, he and his kind were willing to continue to fight and die so that a bare handful of civilians could reach safety. I wonder, if this war ends for us in the same manner as it could have for them, would we as a Caste do that for the others?" Durhann mused.

"I would like to sat yes, but after my actions, and that of Shakiri, I now wonder," Neroon answered in shame.

Durhann huffed. "Make no mistake, you are guilty of crimes against our people, and monstrous crimes against the Humans, as we are all. This is not just about sharing souls either. What right do we have to decides who live and who dies? Ah well, that is neither here nor there. Your path to redemption now is in protecting all our people and starting the reconciliation with the _Anla'Shok_ and the ISA. It will not be an easy path to walk, Neroon. Please call me if you need advice. I will also pray for you," and with that, Durhann signed off.

Neroon sat and stared at the blank screen for some time. It was taking a while to get used what fate had now thrown at him. His guilt and shame at his own stupidity did not help matters any. He was brought back to reality by the sound of the door being opened.

"Ah, Neroon there you are. I have some hilarious news from Babylon Five to share!" Lorrel, his executive officer, and oldest friend, stated as he walked into the room. Lorrel's smile and good mood vanished when he saw his friend's face. "Valen, you look as if some has murdered you pet _gok_ (Minbari feline). What has happened?" he asked.

Neroon looked at his friend and sighed. "Could you not lecture or say, "I told you so" until I am done relaying my conversation with Master Durhann to you?" he asked.

"Yes, of course, now tell me what could be so bad," Lorrel said softly.

So Neroon told, leaving nothing out. Of course, he had had to wait for Lorrel to stop rolling around on the floor while laughing hysterically after hearing about Shakiri before continuing. After Neroon was done Lorrel swore quite colorfully and for quite a while.

"This bad, very, very, bad," Lorrel finally stated.

"This I know my friend. Now please tell something I don't know," Neroon replied.

"How about, I told you so," Lorrel needled.

"I know that too, Shadows take you!" Neroon yelled.

"Don't get angry at me! I am NOT responsible for this mess!" Lorrel yelled back.

"All right, all right. Let's both calm down and plot a strategy to complete the tasks before me," Neroon placated his friend.

"Well first we announce your promotion to the crew, then we plot a course to Babylon 5," his XO stated.

"And what is our reason for going there?" Neroon asked dryly.

"That's simple. One, We will be there to apologize profusely for Shakiri's too long existence. Two, we will offer the Caste's services to the ISA for the war effort. Three, we will be there for you to do what no _Shai Alyt_ has ever done before," Lorrel answered.

Neroon knew that tone of voice- and dreaded it. "And what, prey tell, is that?" he asked in dread.

"Grovel," Lorrel answered with a smirk.

The screamed, **"WHAT?!" **could be heard through the entire _Sharlin_ (Minbari War Cruiser).


	4. Chapter 3

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

_Author's note for this chapter:_ This chapter has now taken the story even more AU than I had originally thought to take it, particularly with the role of Earth in the war against the Shadows. Also, an important OC has been added, but is NOT a Mary Sue.

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Three

Marcus was curled up in a tight ball in the far corner of Delenn's living room. He was hyperventilating in panic. The ladies of the ISA War Council had surrounded him and were now approaching him with identical maniacal gleams in their eyes.

"So, women can't take pain, huh? Well mister, we'll see how well a man can take it!" cackled a deranged looking Ivanova.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, please Susan, I didn't mean it! You know that! Please, I'm begging you, Please, Please - PUT DOWN THAT HOT WAX! - Oh, Valen - please - no! Nooooo!"

Dr. Franklin shook Mr. Garibladi awake. "Michael! Michael, come on, snap out of it. It's only a dream."

Steven and Michael had gotten together for some down time in Steven's office. They had been playing cards when the doctor had been called in on an emergency. At which point, the Security Chief decided to take a nap on the couch while he waited for his friend to come back.

"Steven?" inquired a still somewhat sleepy Security Chief. "Oh, man! That was no dream. That was a nightmare! I kept seeing poor Marcus being tortured by the girls."

"Yeah, it can't be any fun being a male stuck at a hen party. But, look at it this way, neither one of the Dastardly Duo would even think of looking for him there. Besides, he's a Ranger. He'll probably just put himself into some type of meditative trance and miss the whole thing, " Steven said hopefully.

"I don't know Steven, I still think that we need to get him out of there. He's already balanced on the knife's edge with this whole Kreene business. I don't want to be the one who has to clean up the mess if he snaps," Garibaldi replied and shuddered, remembering some of Marcus's work Down-Below.

"Michael, your are borrowing trouble. Marcus is stronger than that. Besides, Delenn is there. She is his _Entil'Zha_. If anyone can keep him calm, it would be her," the doctor said as he tried to calm his friend down.

The Chief shook his head in denial. "I still don't trust 'em, Doc. Those girls have tempers you just can't believe. Delenn is so not any better than the rest. And just to make things worse, Ivanova has been her pattern for proper human female behavior. I'm tellin' ya, if Marcus makes one wrong move… Well, he'll be psychologically, and maybe physically, scarred for life!"

Steven shuddered at the thought of Delenn taking her queues for proper behavior from Ivanova. He could just imagine the two of them spacing some poor, overbearing ISA rep. Or, God help him, getting into a bar fight! Between Ivanova's _Spretznost_ training and Delenn's Minbari strength, they'd destroy the place. Add Na'Toth, and well, it would be the stuff of nightmares! His med labs and the morgue would be full for days!

And their excuses! "Well, they started it!" and "I was forced to defend my honor" Yep, standard from Susan and Na'Toth after and "indecent" Down-Below, but what would Delenn come up with? Probably some long, drawn out lecture on some ancient Minbari Religious Caste Fighting Rite and why that poor Drazi's arm needed to be broken in exactly so many places and the proper order in which the breaks had to occur, or some such.

Steven pulled himself out of his morbid thoughts. "You're right, Chief. Let's get the Captain. If anyone can get the Marcus out of there, and keep the DDoK of his trail at the same time, it'll be Sheridan."

"With you on that, Doc," Garibaldi said as he got up from the couch and adjusted his uniform.

The two officers left the Doctor's office and made their way to the Captain's office. Along the way, they saw various beings gathered together, talking animatedly. Comments such as "I can't believe someone could die that way!" could be heard, and there was a good deal of laughter.

"Do you know what's going on?" asked Franklin.

"No, not yet, but I will when we get to the Captain's office. He probably has the skinny on all the new happenings," replied the Security Chief.

"So, we double our speed?" asked his friend.

"Yep," he replied.

The two friends hurried up there pace. When they arrived at the Captain's door they could hear someone singing, "Happy Days are Here Again". Garibaldi and Franklin looked at each other with eyebrows raised. From what they knew, there wasn't anything to be happy about. Garibaldi used his override codes to open the door. What greeted their eyes made their jaws drop.

Yes, Sheridan was indeed the source of the singing. He was seated behind his desk, with his booted feet propped on said desk, while singing and keeping time to the song by waving a glassful of what appeared to be real bourbon back and forth. What almost gave them both a coronary though, was the sight of Lennier and Vir whirling around the office dancing some sort of Centauri jig with truly insane grins plastered on their faces.

"Um, Sir, is there something that we need to know?" stuttered a flustered doctor, wondering if he would be relieving the Captain of duty under the tenants of Section Eight.

"Ah, doctor, Mr. Garibaldi, just the men I wanted to see. Please come in! Join the party, while I share three wonderful pieces of news," Sheridan said as he got up and walked over to his sideboard.

The two stunned officers walked in and sat down as Sheridan poured some of the liquor into two glasses. He walked over and handed them over to his two officers. Garibaldi just held his glass while Franklin took a stiff swig, needing the liquid courage.

"Oh, sorry, Michael. I forgot. I'm just so damn happy, here, I have some honest to God San Pellagrino," Sheridan said as he exchanged a bottle of sparkling water for the liquor. "For once, gentlemen, the universe has made others the but of the joke instead of us, AND, unfortunately for our enemies, as they say, "it comes in threes"," he said as he poured.

"We did notice quite the buzz across the station on our way here, Sir," said a bewildered Security Chief.

"Well, it has been one hell of a day! Do you want the Minbari, EarthDome, or Kreene news first boys?" asked a very jovial Captain.

The doctor and Michael looked at each other. This really must be good. Michael nodded to his friend.

"News from home is a good place to start, Sir," said a now hopeful Franklin.

"Well, this isn't out on the wires yet, but I got straight from the horses mouth not more that twenty minutes ago. Clark is gone, as in permanently. The xenophobic bastard is on the ferry to Tarterus as we speak. Apparently, selling Bester's little family in the making to the Shadows was not a good idea. He got together some friends of his birth parents - don't ask guys, it's an extremely long and twisted story - and let me tell you, they were some real pieces of work! Anyway, Bester and his old family friends stormed the both PsiCorps headquarters and EarthDome simultaneously. When the blood bath ended, Clark and friends were either dead or dying. As for the butchers that ran PsiCorps, I wouldn't wish on the Shadows what Bester, his buddies, and the rest of the disgruntled teeps still in the Corps did to them."

"Well, anyway, since Bester and friends will be too busy reforming PsiCorps, they left the re-orging of EarthDome to the Senate. With the entire mess that Clark had made, including working with the Shadows, now out in the open, there was an emergency session. The pro Santiago wing carried the day. We have a new power in EarthDome. President Savic and the new cabinet are behind the ISA one hundred percent!" finished a very gleeful Captain.

"Damn! That's better than I ever expected! Thank God we won't have to fight our own on top of the Shadow," Steven said with a huge grin of his own. Having a father in EarthForce made him not want to be involved in fighting them in any way.

"That's not all Steve, we will have EarthForce backing us the whole way if what the Cap says is right," stated a very animated Security Chief. Then he asked, "John, are we talking about Sladjana Savic of the Balkan Consortium? "

"Yeah, you've heard of her?" asked Sheridan.

Garibaldi chortled at that question. "Not only heard of her, I served with her! We were on some of the nastiest lines in the Earth-Minbari War together. Damn, that crazy Serb had the best record for kills in the whole unit!" Garibaldi began to chuckle. "She said that no self respecting Serb ever went into battle sober. Somehow, no matter where we were deployed, She'd always be able to get some _slivovica _(plum brandy), and not the junk either, but the good stuff, _Manastirka_! Then, a few hours before Armageddon rained down, she'd get plastered, and I mean PLASTERED, and invited anyone who wanted to join her. No else did. We needed a clear head to do our work, but Djana, well the more soused she was, the more Minbari died. You weren't the only one to earn a Minbari nickname, John. They began to call her "The Killing Rain".

"I heard something about that, but never knew who everyone was referring to," Sheridan murmured.

"Yeah, no one ever saw her, or heard her coming, but she'd get in close and open up some personally made ordinance on the poor bastards at almost point blank range. While the Warriors were pinned down and trying to figure out where the hell death was coming from, we'd get in, do our stuff, and get out. She bought us, and a whole lot of other people, the time to get our butts out of the Minbari's way."

"Yeah, she's good people, John. She's loud, a bit obnoxious, and rather blunt, but still good people for all that. After the war ended, Djana said we, as a species, should adopt the Jewish saying of "never again". That was why she got into politics when she got home. I remember when the Consortium elected her to the Senate. She went on ISN and stated that she would do what ever it took to see that the Earth Alliance never had to fight another war because of a misunderstanding. And if, by some God cursed chance, we were pushed to the wall again, that we'd take the attacking bastards with us. Yeah, John, she'll throw all of EarthForce behind you," finished Garibaldi.

"That's good to know Michael," Sheridan said with a considering nod.

"Yes, as long as the Minbari don't find out who "Killing Rain" is," said Franklin, nodding to Lennier and Vir.

"Do not worry, Doctor. I have developed a case of very temporary amnesia. Perhaps I should visit med lab after this discussion is over?" asked Lennier, his eyes sparkling.

"Doctor, I am the aide to Ambassador Mollari," added Vir, "That alone should be explanation enough, but I will elaborate and say that I have developed a very selective memory in order to be able to complete my work."

"Well, speaking of Minbari, that is why Lennier is here. Since Delenn is incommunicado at the moment, he came to give in the information personally. We will fill her in as soon as it safe for one of us to contact that set of rooms," Sheridan said with a shudder. "You see boys, Archangel Azrael has been busy. Shakiri bought it as well."

The aides began to giggle.

"Why is Shakiri being dead funny? I would think that the destabilization of the Minbari Warrior Caste at this point would be a bad thing," Garibaldi asked.

Lennier proceeded to tell them the entire story of Shakiri's ignominious end. When he finished, Franklin and Garibaldi were gasping for breath from laughing so hard. It took them a bit of time to calm down.

"Oh God, the poor Wind Swords! If I were in their shoes, I'd start wearing a paper sack over my head if I had to leave the house!" stuttered out a still gasping Garibaldi.

"Imagine, a _Shai Alyt_ putting himself in the running for the Darwin Award! Yeah, that is funny, but how does it help us?" asked the doctor.

"Neroon has been elected the new leader of the Warrior Caste," Lennier answered

"_Yeeas_, and again, how does that help us?" asked a skeptical Garibaldi.

"Apparently, Neroon went through a spiritual awakening after he got back to Minbar," Sheridan answered.

Lennier snorted at that statement. "Spiritual awakening my _lar'dum_ (backside)! No doubt, Master Durhann beat some sense, literally, and with a _denn'bok_, into his very hard head. Marcus is his favorite student. He would not let the _den'shah_ fiasco go unpunished."

"Yes, well, I had received a communiqué from the _Ingata_ right after Lennier gave me the news. Lorrel, Neroon's XO, sent a cleaned up version of events as well as a personally written message from Neroon. It reads," Sheridan got out a flimsy and read;

"_To Captain John Sheridan,_

_Supreme Commander, ISA Combined Forces_

_Commander, Independent Space Station, Babylon 5 _

_Sir, _

_I wish to offer my most sincere apologies for my behavior during my last visit to Babylon Five. I cannot offer a reasonable excuse. All that I can say in my defense is that I had been misled about the _Entil'Zha's_ motives as to why she would accept the position. I know now that both the assumptions and the information I was operating under were incorrect."_

"_My lessen in the truth came in the form of an _Anla'Shok_ willing to die for the safety of all our peoples, while I boasted of mass murder and broke his body_. Anla'Shok_ Marcus Cole's body may have broken before my arrogance and foolish rage, but it was my soul that had broken before his strength of spirit and conviction. I was finally convinced that Humans and Minbari share souls while I watched him face death."_

"_After prolonged meditation brought on my shameful behavior, I have realized that the destiny of Minbar is linked to that of Earth. _Entil'Zha_ Delenn tried to showcase that fact by enduring the Change. We, the Warrior Caste, derided her efforts to become the bridge for our two races as the acts of a fanatic. We spoke as fools, led by a madman. We were speaking out of hurt pride. We were still angry that a so-called "Great Victory" had been taken from us at the last moment."_

""_Great Victory" indeed. What we had planned was nothing more than the butchering of helpless beings. Once I admitted this fact to myself, I was ashamed to call myself a Warrior. You, Captain, destroyed one _Sharlin_ in defense of your race and we call you a killer. We destroyed entire colonies in a mad frenzy, and call ourselves heroes. We as a Caste have much to atone for. I, as a person, can never atone for my sins against Humanity. My only wish is to now ensure that such things never happen again."_

_"Captain Sheridan, I wish to assure you and the Alliance of the Warrior Caste's full support in this war against the Shadows. We, the Minbari race as a whole, cannot stand alone in this war. We could not stand alone in the first war against the ancient enemy. A Human turned Minbari saved us then. Yes, I know that Sinclair and Valen are one in the same. It is the Warrior Council's belief, and now mine as well, that your ability to, as you humans say, "think outside the box" will save us now. Therefore, I place myself, and the entire Caste at your command."_

_The _Ingata _is on course to the station even as I write this missive. It is my hope that I will be allowed to board Babylon 5 and offer both my apologies and my services in person. Please, Captain, consider my words."_

Nie'se schlect sim'wa ai' linn_, (Your friend in both peace and war,)_

_Zha'Den__ (The Warrior) Neroon_

Shai Aylt ra Min'aia Den'shok Zha'Minbari_ (Minbari Federation Warrior Caste Leader) _

Minsa'hat ra Fi'sularae_ (Star Riders Clan Leader)_

The assembled company sat in silence as Sheridan finished reading.

"Wow," was all that the good Doctor said.

"Yeah, wow. I never thought I would hear a Minbari Warrior apologize, much less call himself a war criminal," added Garibaldi.

"Well, my father always did say that there was never a fanatic who wasn't a convert," mused Franklin.

"Be that as it may, this puts the ISA's combat forces in a much better position. Therefore, when the _Ingata_ docks, I want all courtesy extended to the new _Shai Alyt_ and his entourage," ordered the Captain.

"Besides, I am personally going enjoy watching Neroon cow-towing to Delenn. That illegitimate son of three-legged female dog had the nerve to once call Delenn an abomination to her face, and I am personally going to make him eat his words - in public!" Sheridan chortled in sadistic glee.

"Um, sir, the rest of the information?" asked Vir, thus interrupting the Captain's fantasies of vengeance.

"Oh! Yes, the cherry on this ice cream Sunday is that the Senator and I finalized the treaty between the ISA and the Kreene Confederacy right before I came into this office," stated Sheridan.

"Good things really do come in…" the door chime going off interrupted Garibaldi.

"Enter," ordered the captain.

It was Corwin. "Sir, we've just received word from EarthDome," he said a little breathlessly.

"Yes, Corwin, I know. We again have friends in EarthDome," Sheridan said with a Cheshire smile on his face.

"How…? Well, sir that's not all. President Savic is on her way here. She said, and I quote, "Get the ice water ready, The _Nemanjic_ is coming in hot. We'll be damned if we miss any of the fighting."."

"Ha, I should have known! We should have expected Djana to do this. That crazy Serb would never lead from the rear," Garibaldi said with a laugh.

At that moment Zack Allen ran into the office, panting. "Sirs, we have a situation!" he announced.

"Zack, calm dawn." When the Chief's 2IC caught his breath, the Captain went on, "There, now tell us what happened. But, I warn you, unless the entire Shadow fleet is on our doorstep asking to be invited to dinner, you won't be able to ruin my mood," said a grinning Sheridan.

"That's what you think," muttered Zack.

"What was that?" asked Garibaldi of his second.

"Well, I'm sure it's nothing like it sounds. In fact…"

Michael interrupted him. "Zack, just tell us what happened."

"There was an overload in the BabCom system with everybody signing on to get the latest ISN reports from either EarthDome or Yedor. The techs were immediately on it. Well, somehow some of the systems got crossed up and, well, and Ambassador Delenn's quarters were accidentally tapped into, um, for sending signal not receiving," Allan explained in a rather disjointed fashion.

"Yes, I can see that that would be an issue. I don't think that the ladies of the ISA War Council will appreciate having their private conversations broadcast to the com techs of B5. I hope that those boys are prepared for the "I will break you and then space you speech" from the Commander," said a chuckling Captain.

"Um, sir, it's a little worse than that. The techs were working on the main com line in the Zocalo. They cut the feed as fast as they could but …" Zack stuttered to a halt.

"Zack! Just spit it out. Unless the girls were discuss there love lives, I'm sure, it can't be that bad." This came from the Doctor.

Zack paled.

"Oh God, they were, weren't they?" asked Garibaldi. "Susan's gonna flip! And poor Marcus, he has keep listening to it."

Zack nodded, then shook his head. "Now, I'm sure it's not what it sounds like, but… Oh, hell! Maybe if I just play it…" he babbled nervously as he popped in the crystal.

_...Begin Recording..._

"Come now, Marcus, your are a true Warrior. Why are you so nervous now?" they heard Na'Toth's amused voice asking over the speakers.

"Ladies, you should know, I haven't ever done anything like this before," answered a very breathless and nervous Marcus.

"It's all right, Marcus. We understand. But, for once, can you let someone take care of you?" responded Lyta.

"Marcus, trust me and relax. I promise, _slatki moi_ (sweetheart), you will enjoy this," chimed in Ivanova.

"Remember Marcus, faith manages," intoned Delenn.

"Alright. I will let you do this, but only because I trust YOU, Susan," whispered a very nervous sounding Marcus.

Some very naughty giggles could now be heard. They were followed by a loud gasp; and then a low, drawn-out, very erotic, and masculine moan.

See, isn't that good Marcus? asked Delenn

"Yes! Oh, yes _Entil'Zha_, yes!" was Marcus's very enthusiastic reply before the feed had been cut.

_...End Recording..._

You could hear a pin drop back on Earth, it was so quiet in the Captain's office when the crystal stopped playing.

"About my mood, I was so wrong!" groaned Sheridan.


	5. Chapter 4

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Chapter Warning: This Chapter deals with** DARK themes**! This Chapter will have third person accounts of numerous war crimes, including sexual assault, against injured personnel and minors. **DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF DARK THEMES UPSET YOU!**

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Four

Neroon paced the length of his office. "I can't believe you sent that… That… That drivel! How? Why? Do you think anyone in his or her right mind would believe that I had written it? Lorrel, you have pushed the bounds of sanity with this one!" Neroon raged.

"Oh, yes, _Shai Alyt_. Please, commit me!" Lorrel drawled and then snorted at the absurdity. "Neroon, calm down and use your common sense! This is politics! No one needs to believe you wrote it. No one needs to even read it! We just need proof that we sent it! When we start negotiations with EarthDome and the ISA, you have to look like you regret the Earth-Minbari War. You need to be shocked at the level of "depravity" that Shakiri sunk to before his end. AND MOST OF ALL, you need to seek a REAL reconciliation with Delenn, and this gets your foot in the door," an exasperated Lorrel explained to his superior officer.

"I know this Lorrel. But no one will believe that I would use the strength of language that you used when writing this missive to Star… Sheridan. You effectively called our Caste war criminals! How am I going to explain that one to our Warriors? Do you think that they will support our reconciliation with the _Anla'Shok_ and the ISA if they believe that their leader has forsaken their honor?" an equally exasperated Neroon asked his aide.

Lorrel became very serious. His express as almost haunted as he studied his best friend. He sighed and walked over to the chair before Neroon's desk. He sat down heavily.

"Neroon, we had forsaken our honor the minute we declared Holy War on the Humans. We ARE war criminals," he replied darkly.

Neroon was stunned by that statement and sat down just as heavily. "Lorrel, if this is about your personal guilt…"

Lorrel cut him off. "No Neroon, this has nothing to do with _Id'Minbari_ (Minbari souled humans) or Valen's Ban!" he sighed and shook his head as if trying to clear it after that outburst. "We acted as the butchers I described in that missive. Neroon, were you involved in any of the ground campaigns in the war? Do you know what some of the Clans had done in the name of vengeance, what all the Clans did?" he finally asked in a hushed voice.

"I was stationed here on the _Ingata_ for the duration of the war, I acted as Second to Bramner. You know this Lorrel. We served together, so why ask such questions?" Neroon, now both subdued and agitated, asked.

Lorel hung his head. "By Valen, I had promised myself never to speak of this. But you must understand…" again Lorrel shook his head, this time in agitation as he struggled to find the words to say what he needed to.

"Lorrel, I do know some of the tales of the Wind Swords' viciousness…" Neroon tried to placate his friend, but was again cut off.

"Yes, Neroon they were to worst, but they were not alone. We Star Riders are just as guilty, so is every other Clan. Neroon, I was with the ground troops deployed to Proxima Six. We knew that there were no Earth Warriors there, that all that the Humans that were left were the ones that could not be evacuated. The Humans left those too sick, too weak, and too wounded to travel. They believed that we would show mercy to those that were no threat to us." Lorrel laughed mirthlessly and then slumped in his seat before going on.

"They could have not been more wrong. When we entered the compound, we were greeted by a behemoth of a Human male. He had black fur on his head and stood well above two meters tall. He was as broad as one of our Warriors from one of the Mountain Clans. He was the healer left behind to look after those in the compound. He came up to us, and using a mechanical translation device, offered their surrender. Ratham just pushed him aside, and ordered us to "start delivering justice"." Lorrel swallowed hard and shuddered at the memory he was reliving, then went on, "That's when it started; one of the Wind Swords that was with us, walked over to the bed of one of the Human females nearest us. She must have given birth just before we had landed. I could smell the birth blood on her. The newborn was suckling at her breast."

Lorrel raised his head then, his entire countenance broken, his dark eyes pleading with Neroon for understanding, for forgiveness as he continued, "She looked up at the Warrior with such sad eyes, Neroon. Somehow, she must have known what was coming. The Wind Sword took out his ceremonial dagger and ran both mother and child through. The healer broke away from us then. He began to fight, and how he fought! He took hit after hit from our energy weapons and would not go down. It took six Warriors fighting with daggers and _denn'boks_ to take down one wounded and enraged Human healer. They… They tore his body apart."

Lorrel began to tremble as he spoke. "And the children! Neroon, the children were all too wounded to move from their beds, let alone be any kind of threat! As if they could have ever been! Sweet Valaria, forgive us, but they were only children! Most were already dying from their wounds! Oh Valen, the Warriors played with them, trying to see who could make a child scream louder before the child was butchered! We are Warriors, Neroon! Yes, the Council had ordered "No Mercy", but just death was needed to fulfill those cursed orders – a quick and merciful death, not what was done!"

Neroon had paled while listening to the story of his friend. After a prolonged silence, he spoke. "Lorrel, look at me." When Lorrel raised his eyes to Neroon's, he spoke again. "Did you take part in this?" he asked, his insides churning at the possible answers.

Lorrel shook his head no. "I… I killed… No… I MURDERED those innocents; I will not deny it. But it was quick, no torture. Afterwards, I walked out into the corridor and was physically ill. I asked for a ship-side transfer as soon as we returned to troop transport. I didn't want to watch another infant's face as they were butchered again." Lorrel snorted in derision at his own cowardice then, both for not participating in so-called "true" combat and also for not trying to stop the atrocities. "Somehow, it was easier to kill when not seeing the victims' faces. That's how I ended up on the _Ingata_… Neroon, I will never forget their faces. I will always hear their cries. I… I still dream…" Lorrel cut himself off at this point, not wanting to face his ever-present nightmares in the waking world.

"Do you know if this was the worst to happen?" asked Neroon softly.

Lorrel broke out into harsh, detersive laughter at that question. "Oh, Neroon, you really need to believe the best of us, don't you? No, Neroon, that was one of the more mild events of the war. Tell me, my friend, do you know the meaning of the Standard word "rape"?

Neroon swallowed hard. He did not know the word but knew, from his friend's tone, that it must be a word for torture. "No, I have not heard it before," he replied quietly.

"It means to force sexual intercourse on a being," Lorrel said with a sickened look on his face. "One word, so short and unassuming, yet it names unspeakable horrors."

Neroon now felt as sickened as his friend looked. Such crimes had not happened on Minbar since even centuries before the time of Valen.

"And our…" Neroon could not go on, his horror was that great.

"It was a favorite past time with the ground troops," Lorrel whispered, barely getting the words out.

"But physiological differences…"

Lorrel laughed mirthlessly again, cutting off Nerron. "No one gave a care to the damage done to their victims. Why be careful? Why be gentle, or use any preparation for your "partner"? Why care if they were not much older that a child? After all, the victims would be dead in the end."

"And Proxima Six?" Neroon asked in a daze.

"Yes, even there. It was one of the older female children, almost grown. He left her to hemorrhage to death. She was already unconscious and fading when I got to that side of the compound, or I would have finished her off. I would have helped to end her suffering. It was the first time I had seen it done, but not the last, oh, certainly not the last," Lorrel finished with tears clogging his throat.

"Was he…?" Again, Nerron couldn't finish the question from the horror of it.

"One of ours? Yes. But don't think of bringing him up on charges, Neroon. You see, by then, Rotham's reputation already preceded him. On the next clean-up run, one of Rotham's victims took him with her. She had strapped explosives to her body under her clothing, and as he began to assault her, Rotham activated the trigger. There wasn't anything left of either of them," Lorrel answered viscously, almost glorying in the death of the Warrior he'd learned to despise so quickly.

Neither Warrior spoke for a lone time after that. Finally, Neroon asked in a quiet and disbelieving voice, "How could the Wind Swords be worse than that?"

"You don't want to know, Neroon. If you did, you would never get another good night's sleep for the rest of your life," answered Lorrel.

A new and horrible thought struck Neroon. "Do you think Bramner knew of all that had been done in his name?" he asked.

Lorrel groaned at his friend's naivety. "Yes, he knew. Of course he knew. How could he not? That was why he felt the weight of the war so badly. Bramner believed that if the quick victory he had promised the Warriors had come forth, such atrocities would not have been committed. Bramner once even stated that the "situations" brought to his attention where due to the Caste's frustrations at not meeting the set objectives in the time forecasted. To his dying day, he truly believed that his "faulty" strategy was to blame." Lorrel then gave a sad smile and looked at his friend. "As for him not telling you, well how do you tell the young Warrior you wish to court of the of such horrors?"

"How do you know of this?" asked an even more shocked Neroon.

"He asked after you one day after I have delivered some paperwork to his office, and they were questions of a more personal nature. He wished to get to know you, not sicken you with the war. That is why he shielded you from the truth. Most of the elder staff knew of his wishes and they shielded you as well. I, well, my guilt kept me silent," the XO finished.

"I did not know, about any of it. He never approached me," Neroon said.

Neroon was solemn again, lost in troubled thoughts. Finally, he spoke, "Durhann had said we were all guilty of crimes against the Humans, I now know what he spoke of, others must know as well. We need to confront the entire Caste with our collective guilt, young and old, veterans of the war, and those who opposed it. Do we have any recorded vids of what happened?"

Lorrel thought for a bit, then nodded. "A few. After the surrender, Bramner ordered most of them destroyed. He believed that the Caste could only take so much humiliation at a time without openly rebelling."

"Yes, I remember that meeting too. He believed if any more justice had been met out, there would be civil war. I did not understand what he spoke of at that time. Now, well, I wish I still did not understand," Neroon said heavily.

"I wish I had never understood," Lorrel stated just as heavily.

"Well, we will all understand soon enough. Get the rest of the staff in here. We are going to hold a lecture the likes of which has never been heard in the training salles," Neroon told his friend.

After Lorrel left, he called up the record keepers and asked for all the records, written and vid, that they had on the Earth-Minbari war. Then the _Shai Alyt_ prepared himself for the coming confrontation with his entire staff. Soon, the Warriors began to arrive and settle themselves.

When everyone was assembled Neroon began to speak. "You all know me. You know that I am a Warrior, not a Priest. I have no talent for words. So bear with me through this. I have now found out some hard truths." Neroon looked around at his staff. "I see by the looks on some of your faces, you already know of what I speak. I ask you now to share all, and I mean ALL, of your knowledge of what acts were committed against the Humans during the war with all of us - NOW!" he yelled.

At Neroon's finishing roar, Lorrel began to speak, finding that telling his story a second time was easier. This time he left nothing out, and added the stories of other atrocities he had witnessed. After he finished others began to speak, and the horrors mounted. Some confessed to their own roles, other spoke of what they witnessed. Those who were too young to have served during the war began to pale. One even became physically ill. When the sharing was done, Neroon played the vids. Most everyone looked sickened when they were done. The young Warrior who had vomited after the verbal evidence had passed out from the vids. He was moved to a lounge, made comfortable, and left alone. No one had the heart to revive him.

"Well, now let me tell you all a story a learned after I became Grey." The young ones gasped at that announcement. "Yes, I once served on the Grey Council, and in my arrogance, actually believed I deserved the position. I did not see that my position was the manipulation of a madman wanting personal power," Neroon looked around again. "I see that I do not need to name the madman. Well does anyone of you know why we surrendered at the Line?"

The young aide who had brought the message of Durhann's "communiqué" answered. "The Religious Caste told us that the Humans share souls with us. That Minbari souls are being reborn Human."

"Yes, that is the truth. Do you know how they found out?" Neroon asked, and when the young aide shook his head no, he explained, "During the battle, one of the Council members remarked on the bravery of the Human Warriors in the face of such overwhelming odds. She then wished to find out why they acted so. On pure whim, she picked one of the Human fighters to be tractored into Council's ship."

"The Human pilot was then put through a grueling series of scans and tests. The Grey Council received a shock that Minbar may never recover from. They discovered that the Human carried a Minbari soul. And that It was no ordinary soul, but the soul of Valen himself."

Shocked gasps filled the room. Many asked how this could be. Others began to berate themselves over the war.

One of the younger aides, the same aide who had answered before, asked a shrewd question over the din, "Is that how the Religious Caste knew that the second war with the Ancient Enemy was upon us?"

Neroon looked at the young Warrior. "You are quick, young one. What is your name again?"

"Darreem, _Shai Alyt_," answered his young aide.

"Well Darreem, you are correct. That is how the Religious Caste knew the second war was upon us. Valen had come back to us … in the form of _Entil'Zha_ Sinclair."

More gasps were heard. Neroon felt as if he was attending one of those horrible dramatic performances that his mother so loved. The ones with the tragic love story where the truth was never found out until the end and the lovers were already dead. He wanted to roll his eyes. Really, he expected better from the Command Staff of the Caste. Did Star… Did Sheridan have to deal with this as well?

"As Master Durhann is fond of saying, "It just gets better from there." With this statement Neroon, proceeded to tell his staff the truth of Babylon 4, and the "Minbari not born of Minbari". He himself had received this shocking bit of news from Master Durhann after the last Caste Council meeting. When the tale ended, he was rewarded with stunned silence.

Again, Darreem was the first to speak intelligently. "He forgave us. Valen forgave us enough to go back and save our people from the Shadows, knowing the price his would pay for our victory. We are not worthy of him."

"No, we are not," answered Lorrel. "But, we must strive to be worthy. In that effort, we must now formulate a plan to disseminate this information; all of it, the good and terrible, to our Caste and find a way to help the _Shai Alyt_ mend the rifts caused by Shakiri, and our collective blood lust."

The brainstorming began then. After many discussions, and one revived young Warrior who had to be sent to med lab, it was decided to bombard every ship rec. hall, every barrack, and every training salle with narrated stories of the atrocities on the coms along with the vids. The identities of the Warriors involved in the stories and on the vids would be withheld. All faces and insignias on uniforms would be blurred. This would not be done to single out a Clan or a even a single person, but to show the culpability of the Caste as a whole. The entire story of Valen would also be told.

Some would believe, others would not, but at least the Caste would know why the war with the Humans had ended as it had. A group was sent to take care of putting together the program. They were given until the end of the day. Neroon wanted to send the program out to the Caste at priority signal the minute they were through the Babylon 5 jump gate.

After that draining session, Neroon asked his aides to update him on the status of the Ship and Caste. He was given the run down on everything and found out exactly how boring a leadership position could be. His time on the Council had been spent on scheming against Delenn, not on paperwork!

When that depressing session ended, Lorrel asked the aides to give their _Shai Alyt_ all pertinent information as to his visit to Babylon 5. The Warriors in charge of intelligence spoke of the events on Earth. They gave Neroon an analysis of the new political and military situation involving the Earth Alliance. They also gave him the limited information they had on the new Earth Alliance president. There wasn't much to give Neroon any idea as to how she would accept an offer of reconciliation from the Warrior Caste.

Lorrel then filled them all in on the goings on of Babylon 5, well up to the point before they entered they entered the jump gate and Lorrel couldn't receive any more transmissions from his friend on the Station. It was a welcome story. After the depressing issues that had preceded it, everyone there needed a laugh. Neroon just felt that it shouldn't have come at the expense of such a fine Warrior as _Anla'Shok_ Cole and said so. The statement was met by shocked silence.

"Neroon, do you realize that that is the first time you have ever had a kind word to say about a Human?" Lorrel pointed out.

Neroon looked as his XO askance. "Lorrel, I think that telling the story of the _den'shah_ and what made me break it was the first good thing I had to say about a Human - and I got to watch Shakiri almost choke on it!"

"I'm glad he didn't. The way he went was much more entertaining – even second hand!" Lorrel said with an evil smirk.

The entire assembly laughed at that one. The former _Shai Alyt_ had NOT been well liked.

Neroon called an end to the meeting. As his staff began to leave, he called young Darreem aside. "Darreem, I wish for you to work directly with _Alyt_ Lorrel from now on. You have a quick mind. I will need your analysis on the situations that we will encounter on station. Report directly to his office as soon as you leave here."

The young aide flushed at the praise, stammered out his compliance, and then practically ran out of the room to do the _Shai Alyt's_ bidding. Lorrel laughed at the young one's haste. Had he ever been that young?

"Neroon, I think that a truly nasty case of hero worship is about to develop," he said with a smile.

Neroon shuddered. "Bite your tongue! That's all I need right now. Now get to your office. You know Darreem will be bouncing outside your door, literally in a froth to get working."

Lorrel groaned at that mental picture. "You just had to saddle me with that _gokling_, didn't you? Admit it, this is your revenge for sending out the missive without clearing it with you first," Lorrel grumbled good-naturedly.

"Hey! Be grateful! I could have saddled you with vomit boy," Neroon retaliated.

"Alright! No need to be nasty - to me, or that poor boy. I'm going!" Lorrel laughingly said on his way out.

As Lorrel left, the bridge duty officer announced of the come that they were at the Babylon 5 jump gate. Right on cue, the team assigned to the program signaled their readiness. Neroon didn't want to go trough the horrors that message contained again. He gave the order to send it immediately. Now, well now, Neroon had to start the "groveling" process. For Minbar's sake, he hoped that he could belly crawl as well as a Centuari Lord caught with another's wife.


	6. Chapter 5

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Chapter Warning: **Profanity!** We are talking about hard-bitten human soldiers' profanity here, folks. **DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE EASILY INSULTED!**

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_:One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!This chapter has now taken the story even more AU than I had originally thought to take it, particularly with the role of Earth in the war against the Shadows. Also, an important OC has been added, but is NOT a Mary Sue.

_Author's note for this chapter:_ I reiterate, Savic is NOT A MARY SUE! However, she IS composite character. She is based on two ladies who are sisters to persons in my circle, and a few female WWII vets in my family who actually made it into the history books. (For my friends reading this, you have two guesses as to whom the ladies are - and the first one doesn't count!).

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Five

Donald Walker, retired Marine and new the Secretary of Defense for EarthDome, walked the corridors of the _Nemanjic_, now call signed EarthForce One, in a pensive mood. He needed to meet with the President for a debriefing on the Shakiri issue. God, just how did one of the best Warriors the Minbari had, die by sticking his own ass with a broken pike? Walker sighed. At least they knew where they stood with that bastard. Now, they had this Neroon character to deal with. Who the hell was he, and where did he stand on the ISA and EarthDome? As the SoD reached the doors of the President's on board offices, he spotted a nervous looking security officer.

"What seems to be the problem, son?" asked the venerable old politician.

"Nothing, Sir, just trying to make out my will before entering the lion's den," answered the young man.

The SoD snorted. "That bad?"

"Well, Madam President has been in one hell of a foul mood since the Tellcomm transmission came in. She…"

The SoD cut of the soldier. "Wait, I thought that Tellcomm was still in testing? Since when do we have it up and running?" he asked.

TellComm was the new instantaneous gravitational telecommunications array that was jump space compatible. No one else in known space had anything like it. Well maybe the Vorlons did, but those bastards never shared anything. He couldn't wait to rub the Minbari's face in it! The last thing he had heard though was that it wasn't due to go online for another three years.

"Don't know, Sir, all I know is that it is up and running. A message came in from Tuzanor, one of the Prez's people on the ground. Don't know what they said, but she's hasn't slept, eaten, or gone through any of the reports that she wanted done before getting onto B5. What she has done is destroy her inner office and go through her entire stock of "go juice" in one night. This morning don't look good for us poor bastards who have to put her together before we reach B5 jump point," replied the Security officer with a shudder.

Walker winced. This wasn't good. Please, in the name of God, at least let her be functionally drunk, not on the floor and hugging it drunk. There is no way to sober up anyone from that state in two hours. Well, time to make allies.

"What's your name, son?" he asked.

"Davis, Sir," the young man answered.

"Well, Davis, let's get this over with. If she's having flashbacks to the War, we split up. That way she has to track two targets. Hopefully, we'll be able to take her down without calling in anybody else," Walker ordered.

"Aye, Sir," Davis replied, visibly gathering his courage.

The Secretary of Defense and Security Officer Davis used their override codes and walked into the President's offices, and were pleasantly surprised. The outer offices and the main working lounge were in perfect condition. At least there would be nothing to call maintenance for. They then walked into the President's private office, the one the rest of the Crew, Cabinet, and Press never saw. Holy Mary! It looked like a tornado hit it!

"_Damn, that must have been one hell of a message!"_ thought Walker as he looked around.

His eyes finally fell on the President. Sladjana Savic was sitting behind her desk. There was a bottle of _grappa_ (grape pomace wine) in one hand and a report in the other. She seemed to be going through the report at an amazing speed.

The diminutive, black clad, walking arsenal of a woman looked up. Her face was pale and drawn. There were dark circles under her brown eyes, and her equally brown, long hair was liberally peppered with gray. She looked much older than her thirty-one years. That's why she got more respect in EarthDome than normally a person her age would. Savic looked at her guests' face and smiled ruefully.

"Never mix unexpected news with PMS. It tends to throw off a woman's equilibrium," he said dryly.

Her guests looked pole-axed at that little non sequitur.

"What? You two thought that you'd be seeing me give an improvised impersonation of the Rat Pack's morning after in Vegas?" Savic snorted. "Sorry to disappoint you boys, but I is not that far-gone. And you'll never see it either."

"One, I'm Serbian, we take booze with our mama's breast milk. Two, I can function doped on anything, ask my old GROPO unit. Fuck, ask the boneheads who met me on the front line, oh wait scratch that, you can't. They are DEAD! Three, as for getting the reports being done, I'm the best damned speed-reader that EFSO put out. The only person who could somewhat keep up with me was this kid from Arisia. Cute Brit, kept trying to bag him, but he had to have been the either blindest S.O.B. in the Fleet or the most innocent virgin since Mary."

"BTW, I also have a photographic memory, I remember everything, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING! Damn better than Dumbo, got me? Oh, and boys, FYI, never again enter this office with my express permission, or I will rip your nuts off, feed them to you, and then space you. AM I CLEAR, _IDIOTI_ (IDIOTS)?!"

"Both men found themselves going to attention and bellowing out, "Crystal, Ma'am!"

By God, she really was "The Killing Rain"! And they now worked directly for her! May God have mercy on their souls!

"Good! Now get Maud from housekeeping in here. I'm going to change while we discuss this Warrior Caste issue. Oh, and get on the horn and make sure there's a case of _Manastirka_ waiting for me at B5. This Italian grape juice works in a pinch, but it just has no kick," Savic said as she walked to her closet.

She was dropping personal weapons and undressing as she went, completely unconcerned with the fact that she had an audience. The old GROPO had served in a unit that had been all male except for her, and had lost all personal modesty a very long time before even that. The horrors of war did that to some people.

Davis was stunned. What got him was not the public strip show, but the state of his Commander in Chief's body. She had scars everywhere. Knife and shrapnel scars on top of burn scars on top of plasma scars. Oh God! He wanted to throw up! It looked like her left leg had almost been torn off. Someone had branded he right breast with some kind of crest. And her stomach! Oh, sweet Jesus! He dropped to the wastebasket and threw up.

Savic turned around at the noise as she started doing up a new blouse. She took a look at her sick officer, shook her head, and smiled ruefully again. She seemed to be getting everything wrong when it came to this boy.

"Sorry kid, didn't mean to make you sick so early in the morning. I forgot that you're too young to have seen action in the War. Folks must have told you that it literally was hell, but now you literally know. Besides, when people tell you that I'm an unfeeling bitch, you can believe 'em. If I have any functioning nerve endings left, I forgot how to use 'em a long time ago. Also know that I won't send anybody into a situation I don't think they can handle," Savic said as she finished dressing.

"Alright, first of all, I know why you're here. And don't worry, I've got the poop on The _Ingata's_ Widow Maker, AND his puppet master," she said as she grabbed a stack of flimsies after rearming and led them to the conference room.

They sat down as the rest of the Cabinet walked in. Maud, Savic's personal maid walked in, and went straight to the personal office. As she disappeared a roar was heard.

"Damn it, Djana! How many times do I have to tell you to get that PMT medication upped! Do you know the cost of fixing all this?" Maud yelled from the office.

The Cabinet and aides snickered. It wasn't every day someone had the brass ones to ball out Savic, pardon the pun.

Savic sighed. "I know, I know. I'll take care of it when we get to B5. I can't function well in meetings with the Minbari Death Bitch and her cadre if I'm in the mood to shoot everything in sight."

At the Cabinet's dumb founded looks, she went on, "Never got all the info from either one of my predecessors did you, boys? Well here's everything I've got from my family contacts. I trust them, not the EFI, not MIO, and not your groundwork either. Mine have gotten into places you can't imagine. And they owe me by my blood spilled."

"So here it is. Delenn isn't just some fanatic who believes she can heal what the war did to us. She is trying to atone for what she did to us as a species. That _kurva_ (whore) is the one who gave the order to kill every human in the universe. Oh yes, she figured out that she fucked up about half way into the war. But, by then, it was too late for most of us. She'd unleashed the Minbari War _Stoka_ (animals) and then had no control over them."

"If she hadn't accidentally found great granddad five generations removed at the Battle of the Line, Earth would be slag now. Now, she's trying to "fix" her mistake. "Oops, so sorry, didn't mean it. Here, maybe I can pray to Valen and make it better"," Savic spat out.

"What was that about finding…?" one of the confused aides to the Secretary of the Interior tried to ask.

Savic cut him off. "Don't know that either, do you? Good old Jeff Sinclair is, was, - What the fuck! I hate time paradoxes! - Anyway, Jeff Sinclair and Valen are one in the same."

Savic was surrounded by some of the best gold fish imitations she had ever seen! Damn, this was funny! She continued on with her fact sharing, disappearing Babylon Four and all.

"That's some story. Do we have any proof?" asked one of the others.

"Yep, ran a DNA scan on blood swiped from the B5 med lab, before and after her "Change". She's one of Sinclair's descendants, all right. I wonder how she feels about that? Hope the guilt is slowly killing her.,' Savic bit out viciously. "I wonder how good ole' Johnny Boy feels about it every morning after climbing out of her bed, too."

"Anyway, new topic, Neroon of the Star Riders, former _Satai_ and the new _Shai Alyt_. O.K. boys, here's what my folks sent me this morning," Savic said as she handed out flimsies.

"As you can see, he's got a real good PR puppet master. That bastard can't string two words together when talking to or about humans if one of them isn't "kill". Now, the Warrior holding the leash is named Lorrel. And HIM I know personally from a long, long time ago. Don't know if he remembers me. And if he does, it's another point in our favor. I'm going to do such a psycho brain fuck on him, he won't know if he's coming or going when I'm done. Anyway, to get back on track, Neroon's got to have Lorrel's hand so for up his ass that you won't see the ventriloquism going on, cause I personally know that The Widow Maker wouldn't send that kind of missive, way too proud."

"Another point is that the boyos have been best friends since they were kids, and it's in our favor that Lorrel has as major a guilt trip about the War as Delenn. So here's the plan, we work on that guilt. We hammer it. We make them as guilty about the War as England and the U.S. were about the holocaust after WWII. I want to pull everything I can out the bastards in mech and intel. And what I can't get in negotiations, we steal. Got it? We get it any way we can. And I don't care if you have to whore your virgin daughters or your own asses it! If the Shadows are really an evil version of Vorlons, we might be able to survive on the run with our new mechs, but we're cluster-fucked without that intel."

"I want a major work up on the Children's Wall. And I want it now. I didn't plan this trip just to lead from the front, but to force that bitch into a very public apology. I want that Minbari _kurva_ crying in shame. It'll put us in a one hell of a position of strength at the negotiation table."

"We're going to do a long distance anniversary ceremony right from B5. And you're all going to do the "butter won't melt in my mouth" routine in front of the Minbari about it. We will try to "avoid" mentioning it while "inadvertently" rubbing their faces in it. Look guilty every time it comes up. Got it? Good. "

"I want the PR people doing stories on the Wall day and night. All about it, the anniversary of its dedication, profiles of some of the poor dead kids that are named, the colonies they were from, make 'em real tearjerkers. Tie it in to the Shadow War, and how it'll seem like a drop in the bucket if we don't stop these bastards. Keep hammering on that point. Don't want the boneheads to catch on to what I'm doing."

At that statement, the entire already dazed Cabinet gasped in shock.

Savic smirked. "First of all, I don't do political correctness, especially in my own offices. Second, anyone who blabs dies. And I can and will make it happen. I'm not Santiago. The man was an angel sent. I'm more like a semi-civilized devil. Don't worry. I'm not Clark either. Think of me as a better functioning alcoholic Churchill with a bigger bite."

"Going on, get them to run stories on Sheridan and his tactical genius. Make him look really good. I want ISN in orgasms over him. Pull out public apologies for the smear campaign. Show Delenn as some kind of St. Teresa of Calcutta. Do the Romeo and Juliet angle, add the "hopefully with a better ending" spiel. We're going to do one hell of a brain number on her and cadre. We need the bastards to fight the Shadows, but that doesn't mean I trust them. So, we go into Cold War mode with out the mother-fuckers finding out."

"I'm going to be using Tellcomm tech as a goodwill present for Sheridan. That's right, kids. It's fully operational. We're bringing in the Shadow tech fleet as well. Johnny Boy needs to know what he's got to work with. Also, I have some "FRIENDS" with real big brains that have been in arms geek heaven with my folk's money for the last ten years. I'm broke, but it's been worth it. We're going to be showing off the rest of the Dreadnoughts. All six others ships are jumping in after us. _Nemanjic_ is dropping the stealth grid right before jump point. I want Sheridan to get a real hard on when he sees what I'm bringing to the party."

There was an uproar. "But they shouldn't be possible", "That's just conspiracy theories!", "How?", "When?", and "You mean we're on -?" were all heard at the same time. Savic had a feral smile on her face at her Cabinet's reactions.

"Never underestimate the power of tech geeks combined with the right investments and incentive, namely never living through the War again. Oh, and one mostly dead Vorlon scout ship and all the wreckage of the Black Star that could be found, and if you believe the bull about not being able to recover anything, I got a bridge I can sell you too. Oh God, how I love this, making you politicos piss your pants! Almost as good as sex!" she chortled.

"Now, the last point I'm going to make on B5, is that we will ally with the ISA in full treaty, but we're not joining. We'll give the excuse that the EA is too unstable right now, and we need to clean house before we rain down our own shit on Sheridan's head. Tell it to him that way; quote me if you have to. I don't want that man thinking he can't count on us. But until I figure out just how hard a hold Delenn's got on his cock, we are not putting ourselves anywhere near ISA control."

"Now, the colonies, as of this morning have full internal political autonomy. Since we are still under Marshall Law, I used it to my advantage." At the stunned looks she smirked again. "So fuck all of your special interest puppet masters. I can cut all those strings, and quite painfully too. So DON'T think of fucking with me or backstabbing me, I'm a shit load better at staying alive and in power than anybody before me. Like I always say, ask the boneheads who met me on the front line, oh wait, scratch that, you can't. They are DEAD! Oh, and boys, my Secret Service are blood family. You won't get them on you side for anything. We'll also be staying under Marshall Law until the war with the Shadows is won, or we're all dead by their hands."

"Now, since our former colonies don't have their own Militaries, EarthForce is now "The Earth Alliance Combined Armies." That's TEACA for short. I have gotten together run-downs on the best Military Commanders that Earth and all the old Colonies ever produced and are still in active service or able to be reactivated. I have been able to get one of them from each Former Colony to act as a military adviser to me, since we need better tactics than "run in and blow the shit sky high". It's all I'm good at. They are on their way to B5 as we speak. They are the EA War Council NOT you. You're here for the PR shit back home, _capisci_? Well, PR and keeping the everyday shit flowing downhill," she added as an afterthought.

The stunned assembly could only nod.

"I'm glad we all understand each other, now get your asses out of my office. You'll be coming in here when I need you, and not when you feel like it," Savic finished.

There was one thought running through the cabinets collective minds as she took another flimsy from and aide that had just come in. It was, _"Who and What the flying fuck was this woman?"_

As they left, they heard roaring laughter from the office, followed by the yell, "Good God Cole, when you take off the monk's robes, you really do it right! First an underage elf-chick, then two human women, a Narn, and a Minbari, and then all four at the same time!" from Savic.

Now a new thought entered their collective minds; "_Who the hell was Cole, and what the hell was she laughing about?"_


	7. Chapter 6

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Six

Laughter rang through Delenn's chambers. It was quite an odd sight to see. Three Humans, a Narn, and a Human/Minbari hybrid were all seated on huge piles of lounging pillows arranged in a circle. There was only one male in the group, and funny enough, the man was the only one not dressed in some sort of sleeping attire. He was, though, down to a tee shirt, his trousers, and barefoot. Empty cocktail glasses and snack boxes surrounded the group.

"Alright, alright, ladies! I admit it. Acupuncture and foot massages can get rid of stress. Therefore, pedicures are not just about vanity," a laughing Marcus said.

"I knew you'd see it our way. You just had to be convinced that we're not the prima donnas that have the station thinks we are," Susan said after chuckling with the rest.

"Susan, my oh most beautiful muse…"

Groans, more laughter, and "Get a better line!" cut him off. Marcus also found himself the target of many a thrown pillow, which he dodged or batted back as best he could. When the assault on his person and as his ability to pick up a woman ended, he continued.

"Ahem, as I was saying, Susan - and please don't take this the wrong way - but I don't think anyone on B5 sees you as a prima donna," Marcus said.

Susan snorted. "_Boze moi (_My God), Marcus! Do you know how hard I have to work to maintain the image of the steel-hearted bitch? It's the only way to keep order around here. Not only do I have to deal with our people, but the entire ISA Assembly, and they all want a piece of me professionally."

"Not just professionally, my friend," added Na'Toth. "Many of the Warrior races see you as the epitome of Human womanhood. Half the young Narn Warriors wish to court you. If they did not believe that you would space them for the presumption, they would be presenting their suits even as we speak."

Susan groaned while everyone giggled or laughed again.

"Hmm, that reminds me, there was a certain Ambassador that sent you a bouquet of red roses and a card reading, "Next time, we do it my way." Now, I wonder what that could have been about?" Marcus teased in an innocent voice and with a devilish twinkle in his eyes.

"Marcus, do you know what a bikini wax is?" Susan threatened.

Marcus paled and swallowed hard. "Now, Commander. There is no cause to resort to cruel and unusual punishment!"

"Susan! Be nice! I do not think that such teasing deserves such a horrid reprisal," Delenn said between giggles.

The BabCom system went off, again. The entire group sighed at the sound. It had been going off every few minutes for the last ten minutes or so, but with no priority signals.

Delenn groaned. "I'm setting that thing on silent! I need a break, and unless the Shadows have attacked I'm not answering!" she said as she got up and changed the comm system's settings. "At that point, Lennier knows my override codes," She added as she sat back down. She did not know how prophetic her words were.

"Alright girls, and Marcus," cut in Lyta "I think it's time we get on with the evening. Since we are introducing Na'Toth and Delenn to the human coming of age ritual known as the "sleep over", we should get to play some of the games associated with said experience. Now, our choices are: Telephone, Ouija Board, and Truth or Dare."

"What is this "Truth or Dare"?" asked Na'Toth.

Marcus groaned. Not this! Anything but this! Oh damn and bloody, buggering hell! Susan was explaining the rules of the game. Great, he saw the speculative gleam in Delenn's eyes. He was now officially screwed!

"Susan, if I understand, your explanation, then this game of "Truth or Dare" resembles our ritual of _Na'fak Cha_ (Minbari Ritual of Rebirth). You say it is a right of passage for female Human children?" Delenn questioned.

"Not just girls. Boys play the game when they get together, too. It's also popular at mixed teenage get-togethers," answered the Commander.

"Then I vote to play this game," said Delenn resolutely.

"I agree," added Na'Toth.

"Lyta, hand over some of that chocolate," Marcus said with a groan.

Oh, hell. His insides were already twisting themselves into knots at the horrors in store thanks to the very idea of being force to play "Truth or Dare" with this group. Well, if he was going to be humiliated an/or tortured, Marcus was determined to minimize the damage before it began.

"I have one condition to make, since I know I will be forced to participate." Marcus snorted at the innocent look on Delenn's face. "Oh, don't give me that look _Entil'Zha_, you've been trying to drag me to a rebirthing ceremony since we've known each other. I am going to anticipate the direct order I see coming. Therefore, I'm making this condition. The things that are heard and/or seen here stay here. Anyone mentions anything of this night outside these rooms, and you've given me permission to get even. MY WAY!"

Seeing the wisdom - and the direct threat - of Marcus words, everyone agreed. The game began. Lyta went first.

"Alright, hmm, let's see. Na'Toth, Truth or Dare?" she asked.

Na'Toth responded with "Truth".

"What is your biggest complaint in regards to your job?"

"G'Kar won't let me retaliate against Londo, my way. It must always be diplomatic or Warrior in nature. I still maintain that the Human invention called "itching powder" in that peacock's vest would be hilarious and a fitting punishment for his mouth," Na'Toth smirked as she finished.

Marcus, knowing Centauri physiology, couldn't help but laugh. "Na'Toth, that is positively evil! I salute you! I haven't seen the "itching powder in the underpants" done since EFSO training."

"Thank you, Marcus. I do try," she replied with a demur smile and evil eyes.

Everyone laughed at that repost.

"It's your turn, Na'Toth," said Lyta.

Na'Toth looked around. Her eyes settled on Delenn. "Truth or Dare, Ambassador?" she asked.

"Truth," replied Delenn.

"Ambassador, do you have any complaints in your courtship with the Captain?" came the question.

"Nothing, really. Well, maybe one thing. John is the epitome of an officer and a gentleman," Delenn said with an exasperated voice.

"And this is bad, how?" questioned Lyta.

"He is too much of a gentleman at times! I may be Religious Caste, but I am still a woman!" Delen groused.

"Oh, I see. The man treats you like fragile crystal," added Na'Toth.

"Won't move past first base," came from Susan.

"No hanky-panky," from Lyta.

"YES!" a frustrated Delenn yelled. "Oh, Valen! I need another cappuccino."

Marcus gaped. This was going way too far into TMI territory. He did not need to know this! Mental images of a sexually frustrated boss jumping Sheridan were NOT a good thing!

"TMI! TMI! Man on deck!" he shouted, to which the ladies of B5 chuckled.

After getting her drink, Delenn sat down and restarted the game. "I believe it is my turn," she said, and Marcus knew what was coming. "Marcus, Truth or Dare?" she asked.

"Truth, _Entil'Zha_," Marcus said, resigned to his fate.

"Marcus, why do you always refuse the _Naf'ack Cha_?" Delenn asked.

Marcus smiled sadly. "Because I don't have anything left to give. I have nothing left to confess. My sins are known, and my secrets are not mine to share. All that I ever was has been taken from me in the War or by the Shadows. All that I ever had has been destroyed or murdered. All I have left is my duty and what is left of my tattered honor. How do I give those over to you in the _Na'fak Cha_, when they are already pledged to you?"

"Oh, Marcus! I did not believe the _Na'fak Cha_ represented such pain to you! I ask your forgiveness," Delenn begged with tears in her eyes.

"There is nothing to forgive. Now, I believe it is my turn!" There was such a mischievous look on his face as he surveyed his potential victims. "Lyta, Truth or Dare?"

Seeing the look on Marcus's face, Lyta opted for the dare.

"Alright, I dare you to… I dare you to touch your nose with the tip of your tongue!" Marcus said with a childish smile on his face.

The group laughed as Lyta went through a series of funny faces trying to complete the dare. Finally, she gave up.

"Alright, I tried. Apparently, I'm not that facile with my tongue," she said and then froze, knowing that she'd opened the trap door to the gutter with that statement.

"You just had to say that, didn't you?" moaned Susan.

"Hey, it's your filthy mind that went directly to the gutter!" Lyta shot back.

Na'Toth started to chuckle at Delenn's lost look. All of a sudden, Delenn's expression brightened up.

"Oh, you're referring to oral pleasure!" she said with a naughty little smile.

Marcus groaned at hearing the Priestess saying that. "We're getting into TMI territory again ladies, please, please try to spare me!"

Lyta snorted. "Alright, but, it is my turn again. Hmm, who hasn't been picked on? I believe that would be you Susan."

"Truth, I don't want to know what that evil mind of yours would come up with for the Dare," said a chuckling Susan.

"Why do you keep turning Marcus's invites out down?" Lyta asked

"I'd like to know the answer myself! I may not be Adonis, but I'm no Quasimodo, either," piped in Marcus.

Susan became very serious. She got up and got another bottle of Vodka. When she sat back down, she opened the bottle, and this time she didn't even bother to pour. It went straight from the bottle into the Commander.

"Liquid courage. There's nothing like it," she said. "Marcus, I think you're a wonderful man, but I can't get into a relationship right now. I still need to heal after the last disaster." At everyone's puzzled faces, Ivanova continued, "What no one knows it that Talia and I were lovers."

Marcus practically fell over at that piece of news. Good God, but how could have been so stupid? Did Susan even LIKE men?

Susan took in his pole-axed look. "Don't worry about your gaydar, Marcus, I'm bi. But, right now I'm a real mess. When those mind butchers took away my Talia, they ripped another part of me out with her. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for another relationship. So far, everyone I have ever loved has died on me," Susan finished.

Lyta and Delenn both embraced her then, trying to give comfort. Na'Toth bowed her head in a prayer for the Commander's dead. Marcus just shook his head at the cruel irony of it all. He'd always known that he had a great deal in common with Susan, but he'd always hoped that she never had had to share in this much of the pain.

"Susan, I am so sorry. I never meant to pressure into something your aren't ready for. I saw someone who I thought was a kindred spirit and simply wanted to get to know her," Marcus softly apologized with a sad smile.

"The package that spirit comes isn't bad either," he continued trying to lighten the mood. He was quickly dodging thrown pillows again because of his efforts.

"Alright, morbidity over. My turn! Well, Marcus, "Truth or Dare"?" Susan said in a too bright voice.

"Truth," Marcus said, whatever she asked; he owed that after her answer.

"Hmm, let's see, who was your first lover?" Susan asked.

Marcus choked on his chocolate. Oh God, Valen, Jeff, Jesus, and Jehosaphat! He was not expecting that one! He blushed scarlet. Marcus muttered his answer into his chest.

"What was that, Marcus? I couldn't hear you," prompted Susan.

"I said; I haven't been with anyone yet," a very red faced Ranger answered without looking up.

The ladies were stunned. Was he pulling their legs? Looked kept looking at him in shock.

Marcus finally groaned in his agony of embarrassment and explained, "Susan, when you spun that story for Mallita, you weren't that far off. You just missed a portion, the portion about not going to bed with anyone until I met the right person. I've got to be the oldest human male virgin on record, religious monks excluded." Marcus chuckled ruefully. "I swear, I thought you were telepathic when I heard what you said."

"Um, _boze moi_, I uh, I've got a confession to make Marcus, you see, I might have inadvertently scanned you," A flustered Susan said.

There was another stunned silence.

"Susan, what are you saying?" Marcus asked, confused.

"I'm a latent telepath, Marcus. That's one of the reasons I hate PsiCorps so much. I have enough ability to hide what I am from others, but that's about it. When I get close to someone, I sometimes pick up on the on their surface thoughts or feelings," a mortified Susan answered.

"Susan, I can help you control that. You could have come to me sooner," Lyta said.

"I know… It's just memories, you know? Hey! Marcus, you should feel flattered. It means that I think of you as a kid brother!" Susan finished.

Marcus groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "A brother, the lady says, a kid brother at that. Here, I have been dreaming of laying my sexual innocence at this Daughter of Artimis's feet, and she thinks of me as a kid brother!"

That broke the tension in the room. Everyone laughed, and attacked Marcus with more pillows. It degenerated into another sleep over "rite of passage", the mandatory "pillow fight"! He ended up being overrun, on the bottom of a scrimmage pile, shirtless, and the victim of a merciless tickle attack, laughing and begging for mercy all the while.

That was how Lennier found the group after he had overrode the lock codes on the Ambassador's door. The group hadn't even noticed the poor aide come in. At the sight before him, Lennier gasped, called on Valen's name and ran from the room, and ran right into the waiting crowd of Babylon Five male command staff waiting outside the open door.

Some one in the group got over their speechlessness enough to bellow out, "Holy Hannah!"

That finally got the group's attention. They froze, looked up, and saw their coworkers staring at them in shear horror. Almost instantly, they were all mirror that look.

"Oh bugger," Marcus muttered.

"This is bad," came from Lyta.

Na"Toth swore in Narn and Susan translated what she said into Russian.

"I may not understand the words, but I concur with the sentiment," Delenn stated.

"I reiterate, oh bugger!" Marcus stated as Sheridan entered.

"Captain on Deck!" yelled Susan and scrambled to get to attention. Na'Toth, Lyta, and Marcus follow her example.

Sheridan watched them scrambling with murder in his eyes, and they were trained on Marcus in particular. When the three professional soldiers and Corps trained telepath were on their feet and at attention, he extended a hand to Delenn and helped her up. He raked his eyes over the group again. That's when they noticed their danger. Captain Sheridan was not present. Star Killer stood before them, and he wanted his pound of flesh!


	8. Chapter 7

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Chapter Warning: **Profanity!** We are talking about hard-bitten human soldiers' profanity here, folks. **DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE EASILY INSULTED**!

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the war council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Seven

It had been at least thirty minutes since the Babylon 5 Command Crew and Captain had come to Delenn's quarters in order to head off a diplomatic incident at the pass. Unfortunately, things have not gone as planned. There was now a diplomatic incident of major proportions brewing right outside of Delenn's quarters, and right in front of a very large audience, mind you, and an impromptu Captain's Mast about to be held inside.

First off, the DDoK had followed them, thereby causing a brew ha-ha in the middle of the blue sector's VIP corridors. Garibaldi had Zack and a few of his Security staff trying to corral the Ladies of Kreene. So far, it just made them louder. Londo had been called in to try and do damage control. He was now unconscious from an extremely well-placed purse throw and being treated by a medic. And even the Kreene Guards, that had just arrived, couldn't seem to calm them down.

Next, Lennier had opened the Ambassador's quarters with the intent of getting the ladies (and Marcus) of the Army of Light up to the conference room and up to date on the latest PR fiasco. Namely, the little "broadcast" incident. Well, the writhing pile of semi-clad bodies in the middle of Delenn's living room almost gave the poor aide a coronary. Now, they had a traumatized Minbari Religious Caste priest huddled in a ball by the doors of Delenn's quarters rocking back and forth and muttering "I did not see what I thought I saw." in _Adronato_ (the Religious Caste language) and Standard, over and over again. They'd called in the Doc and Vir to try to calm him down. So far nothing was working. The Doc thought he'd have go for the elephant tranquilizers at this point.

G'Kar was adding to this little show by screaming at the Security Officers trying to keep the gawker crowd out. The Narn Ambassador wanted to be in on the Captain's Mast. It had nothing to do with protecting his aide. On the contrary, G'Kar believed that Sheridan would let her get away with just a slap on the wrist. In his opinion, Na'Toth had dishonored her position and was subject to the most severe of the Narn military codes. He even sent for Kosh in order to get backup since the Vorlon's aide was in on the little event as well. And that was just the PUBLIC face to this mess!

On the other side of the door, though the horrendous tail end of this train wreck was obviously much more private, things weren't much better. In fact, to the end of their days, some of the folks involved would say that they were much, much worse. And if they were a PARTICULAR Ranger, well… he'd only been in two situations that were worse in his life!

Inside Delenn's quarters, with Garibaldi standing guard over the accused (who were starting to show signs of strain from being at attention for over half an hour), Star Killer was quietly, slowly, and viciously tearing wide strips off everyone's, but Delenn's, hide with his tongue. Her, he decided to deal with in private! He had been going on about the proper behavior of Command Officers and those in ANY leadership positions. Then he went on to the subject of staying in contact for emergencies. When the Captain was done scathingly pointing out the foolishness of everyone not keeping there comms on, he turned to the subject of why it was imperative to maintain proper diplomatic decorum with the Kreene being still present on the station. And how their little "Fun Fest" had put him in a very tough spot with said Party.

Then the fun really began. G'Kar and Kosh had gotten through the barricade. (Well, who was stupid enough to mess with the Vorlon?) They had been able to stop Star Killer's tirade for long enough to pull their aides into separate corners and start tearing their own strips off the poor women's' hides, G'Kar at the top of his lungs in Narn, and Kosh telepathically. But whether you heard it or understood it, or not, the pasty looks on Na'Toth's and Lyta's faces were telling the story of what was said crystal clear. This gave the Captain the opportunity to open all rounds on his XO and top Ranger. About in the middle of this little verbal meat grinder, Garibaldi's comm went off.

"C&C to Garibaldi," said Lt. Corwin.

Garibaldi turned into the corner, and tried to cover his comm in order to protect it from the din. "Garibaldi, go," he answered.

"Sir, to quote you, "the poop's hit the fan!"." the young Lt. said in a very agitated voice.

"Son, we're already in a knee-high pile!" the Chief answered.

"Well, we just got another truck load. The _Ingata_ has come through the jump gate, and she's a day ahead of schedule! We DON'T have anything ready for the _Shai Alyt_, and I'm SURE he'd wish to meet with Ambassador Delenn! Now, how am I going to B.S. NEROON long enough to get you all out of there?" Corwin practically screamed.

"That damned bastard just had to show up now! Alright kid, I'll take…"

Profuse swearing from the other end of the comm cut him off. "Sir, EarthForce One just got here, and that shouldn't be possible! OH, HOLY HANNAH! What the hell IS that thing! What the hell are all those things! Garibaldi, get the Skipper up here now! He's got to see The Home's new fleets, and yeah you heard right! NEW FLEETS!" Corwin was now hysterical.

Garibaldi looked up to see Sheridan, _("Oh hell, call 'em like you see 'em you wimp! Star Killer!"_ he said to himself.), laying into Ivanova with a vengeance. She was white as a sheet, visibly trembling, and her eyes were beginning to shine, probably with tears. Marcus stood next to her, pasty-white, stone faced and rigidly at attention, while Delenn was now crying and begging "John" to stop and listen.

Garibaldi knew that if Delenn had no chance to get through to the Skipper, he had even less chance that a snowball in hell! Crap! Now What? Crunch time was here, and he'd have to deal with it the old GROPO way. He went to the door, opened it and screamed to Zack to get in there on the double! When Zack took his place, he waved his hand in front of Star Killer, pointed to his comm and shrugged. The Captain waved him out, never once stopping his diatribe. He asked were EarthForce One was docking, when Corwin told him, the chief began to run, then he commed Corwin again.

"Corwin, Skipper's in full Star Killer mode. There ain't no way to get between him and his targets right now. He's even got Delenn bawling and Susan's about to start! I'll take care of everything with the Prez. Patch me through to her on a private channel. Say this, and say it word for word, "big brother needs little sister's cover" got it?"

"Then, you get yourself and a greeting party out to the _Ingata's_ docking bay, do the political spiel. Slow the Grand Pooba down, tell him about the surprise he pulled on us, and would he like to have refreshments in the VIP guest lounge as everything was readied? Tell him that the Prez of EarthDome's heard of his good wishes to the Humans and ISA and wished to greet him personally. Tell him we've got a special on _flarn_ (Minbari "cassava") in the Zocalo! Hell, kid, I don't care what you tell him, just stall Neroon long enough for me to get some of this cleared up!"

Corwin affirmed his orders and patched him through to the _Nemanjic_. Savic took the call in her inner office, with only the SoD present. "Damn _Mika_, I never thought I'd hear that code again. What the flying fuck is going on over there?"

"Situation FUBAR on a universal scale, that's what! I'm gonna need your backup big time, Djana!" Garibaldi answered. "Get yourself ready to board as we talk. I'll be waiting for you. Tell your people you contacted me and wanted a private reunion with an old unit mate before the political stuff started, but come on in alone, well minus those two mountains you call cousins," Garibaldi ordered even as he ran on.

"Does this have anything to do with Cole and his hero sex sandwich involving Sheridan's personal property?" Savic asked as she transferred the signal to her personal comm and left her office.

"Damn, girl! I want some of your contacts! You're faster than a greased pig running from the butcher!" the Chief said, astounded.

"That and the fact that telecomm is up and running" she said back with a smug tone.

"No Way! Can't wait to rub that in the Grand Pooba's face!" the Chief answered, shocked.

"How do you even know what it is?" a disappointed voice asked.

"I may be in BFE, but I still have my own network, little sister," he answered, chuckling.

"Awe, and here I thought I'd get to gloat about something I knew and you didn't for once!" answered Savic, pouting.

"Keep the kiester moving! I'm at the dock. Oh, and from the orgasmic hysterics going on in C&C, I take it that your personal babies are fully operational and here?" Garibaldi said with a smirk.

"Damn you, _Mika_! Can't anything be a surprise?" Savic groused. Now she was slightly pissed off.

"I wouldn't be Security or GROPO if I didn't always have my ear to the ground." More chuckling was heard on the Chief's part.

At this point, Savic was through the airlock, and walking towards him. They met and greeted each other like long lost siblings. Then broke apart and began to walk briskly towards blue sector, trailed by two hulking shadows.

"O.K., just how far up shit creek is Cole?" she asked.

"And just how do you know my resident P.I.T.A.?" Michael asked.

"I went through EFSO training with that blind S.O.B.," Savic replied.

"I see. Blind how?" asked her old friend.

"Blind, as in blind or the most innocent virgin since Mary, blind. And considering his new reputation, I'm preferring to go with blind, since the alternative would destroy my ego," Savic replied.

"Ooh-Kay. Getting on to the topic at hand. Here' the poop so far," he said.

Garibaldi then proceeded to fill her in on the whole story, the Kreene, the "broadcast", Neroon's visit, the visit to Delenn's quarters, and all. He left nothing out, despite the President's at times raucous laughter interrupting him. They needed to come up with one hell of a whopper to get everyone's hides out of this one, and you don't get to that point by withholding information from your allies. When he finished, he got a frantic call from Zack.

"Boss, get in here! Thing's have gone from FUBAR to Charlie Foxtrot! Ivanova's officially up on charges of "Conduct Unbecoming". Oh Jeez! Someone's finally broken the Iron Maiden! Susan's just collapsed and is now. Na'Toth's in a shouting match with G'Kar, and about to land in the same situation as Susan. And, I think Kosh is torturing Lyta. She's gone as white as a ghost, is sweating real bad, and is all spaced out!" he yelled.

"Oh, Holy Mother! Get here NOW! Since Marcus's old EFI rank is still active, and Marcus had sworn his allegiance to him when we broke away, StarKiller's found him guilty and gone to the punishment phase! God, boss! He's ordered the Cat! I didn't think that one was still on the books, boss!" The hysteria in Zack's yelling had been ratcheted up a few notches with that announcement.

"Oh, FUCK!" Savic and Garibaldi answered together, and ran!

They met up unexpectedly with Corwin, Neroon, and Lorrel in front of the lift.

"Sorry, Sir. Apparently the new _Shai Alyt_ has some damn good people here. Already knows what's going on," Corwin apologized.

Savic immediately took over. "_Shai Alyt_ Neroon, may I greet you in the name of Earth and the Free Colonies of the Earth Alliance?" she said with a formal little half-bow.

"Madame President, I greet you in the name of the Minbari Federation and the Warrior Caste," Neroon answered with a formal Minbari bow of his own. "I should wish to meet at some point with you to personally tender our wishes to ally with you in this war against the Shadows, as well as to offer the apologies for our Caste's actions in the Earth-Minbari War. They are long overdue. Right now though, I believe that we have a gross miscarriage of justice to stop," he added.

"Do you truly believe that, _Shai Alyt_?" asked Savic through gritted teeth, while staring at Lorrel and paling even further than her complexion already was.

Lorrel noticed. He also noticed the two mountains behind her and paled as well. The rest of the group, though, either did not notice or did not completely register their reactions.

Neroon went on despite this silent byplay. "Yes, Madame President, I do. Those that we need to help now had been instrumental in pointing out my stupidity to me. I have met _Anla'Shok_ Cole. He fought _den'shah_ with the intention of dying in order to save both our races. He is an honorable Warrior who would never stoop to such actions."

"Also, the _Entil'Zha_ would never play her Captain false. There must have been a miscommunication on a grand scale," Neroon finished as the lift opened.

They entered and Savic made sure to put her Security and Michael between her and the Minbari. The move also did not go unnoticed by Lorrel. A little boy slipped into the lift just as it was about to close. He unobtrusively grabbed Neroon's hand.

Garibaldi's comm activated again at that point. "Move boss! The DDoK have broken in here and are adding to the bedlam! Their Guards are trying to take custody of Cole for breach of contract negotiations and insulting the honor of their House! Oh, Crap! Star Killer just rounded on them, full bore!" There was a pause in the commentary, then, "Oooh, that was nasty! The DDoK have backed off and are now cowering."

"A… Wait! … Na'Toth's just slugged G'Kar and took Star Killer down in a flying tackle before he could lay into Marcus, literally! She's started screaming in Narn! Oh my God! What a mess! Wait a minute! Marcus finally has a defense! I… I can't believe it! They're going for the "I couldn't have done it, sir! Honest! I'm too gay to have fucked your woman!" defense! Holy hell, they're even saying that Susan and Marcus have been using each other as a beard to cover their illicit gay and lesbian affairs! I… I think the Kreene are about to explode! … Oh Shit, did Lyta just say menage a trios?"

"They've what?" Savic and Garibaldi yelled together.

Savic began to laugh hysterically. "Oh, my God! They've gone for the Jack Tripper Defense! Who the hell watches that old vid, anyway?" she yelled between laughs.

"Na'Toth," answered Garibaldi, giving Savic a stare and then he too started to laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation.

Meanwhile, right before Zack called in, Neroon found himself in a truly odd situation. Apparently, the boy who had grabbed his hand was a powerful Human telepath. He found himself on an astral plain. He could see, hear, and process everything around him, and yet Neroon was in a telepathic link with Lyta Alexander, the boy, Delenn, and a very powerful Human male telepath he had never met before. Two other minds joined them. One was Commander Ivanova, who seemed to be channeling Marcus Cole as well as her self.

"_What is happening?" _he silently asked across what could only be a telepathic link of some kind.

Lyta Alexander telepathically answered with_, "I've initiated a cascade mind link. We need to get out of this situation now and we need help. Here's what happened so far…"_

Neroon cut her off._ "I know everything that has happened up to now. Do not waste energy in explanations. What do you wish to do?"_

"_Before I initiated the cascade, I was in contact with Na'Toth. She has an idea that's just insane enough to actually work. But, we need back up. That's why I needed someone from your party in the loop_," she replied. From there Lyta told him and Byron, that was the male human telepath's name, what Na'Toth's game plan actually was.

Neroon was stunned at the shear idiotic gall of what the ladies were planning. And yet… And yet it truly WAS insane enough to actually work. After all, it was all so completely absurd that no one in their right mind would question as to why someone would want to hide something so uncompromisingly, utterly STUPID!

As he processed what Lyta was saying, he noticed the condition the Ranger and Commander were in. They were both at the ends of their emotional and psychological tethers. Marcus was in the worst shape by far. The entire mess had crested for him and he was about to have a mental breakdown. Neroon tried to concentrate on communicating with the Ranger.

"_Marcus? Marcus, can you hear me?" _he asked gently_. _

"_Neroon, sorry to drag you into this mess, _Alyt_. But, the girls seem determined to try and save my sorry hide," _Marcus answered.

Neroon literally could feel the desolation in Marcus's soul as he mind-spoke.

"_You know, of all the ways to have it end, I didn't think it would be in front of an Elven firing squad or under the lash," _Marcus finished with a hysterical laugh.

Neroon had never felt so much pain from another being before. The guilt and the self-hatred buried in Marcus, and this insane situation, were now tearing Marcus apart. Neroon found himself wanting to do anything he could to help this brave Warrior brought so low. Lyta's mind-voice cut into their telepathic conversation at that point_. _

"_So, that's the plan. Since Marcus already knows the President, yes I know who she is and why she's here, can you get her to agree to back us up?" _she asked.

"_I can and I will," _Neroon answered desisively.

Then he added, _"Also, I may have I way to permanently end this contract dispute. And give a way more credence to your alibi as well. Marcus needs a suitor ranked higher than the Senator, to end this mess, does he not?" _

At everyone's agreementhe went on_. "I think that a _Shai Alyt_ and _Satai_ in one would do it," _Neroon offered_. "But, Marcus, there will be consequences. Are you ready to face those?"_

"_Neroon, are you offering what I think you're offering?" _asked an astounded Susan_._

_"Yes, Commander I am. Marcus, do you agree? If so, have Delenn back us up. She can say that she and Master Durhann have been "running interference", as you humans say, for us. We will make this look like a longstanding relationship that we have been hiding because of Shakiri. But, Marcus, as I said earlier there will be consequences. Are you willing to face them?"_

Marcus was whirling in a pit a semi-lucid sanity; sanity that was quickly disappearing. He was literally at the end of his mental and emotional rope. The Ranger couldn't take the situation he was in any more and grabbed the lifeline Neroon had thrown him with both hands.

_"Neroon, at this point, I don't bloody well care if I end up chained to your sleeping platform wearing nothing but I Dream of Genie's own harem pants! Just get me out of this hell!" _He mind-screamed hysterically.

Neroon let out a surprised laugh. By, Valen! The Ranger certainly had a way with words! And what were harem pants?

"_Alright, time's up! I've got Na'Toth, and the additions to the plan are a go," _Lyta mind-spoke for the last time and then dropped the cascade link.

Neroon came back to real time to hear the last part of Zack's opening statement. By Valen, the ladies were working fast! When the commentary and laughter from his lift mates ended, Neroon filled them in on the plan. That brought more laughter and then gasping confirmations.

"O.K., can do. I'll run some bull about an old friend out ours from training. It should work. And you, _Mika_, you better keep a straight face through this!" Savic said.

"No problem here. I've watched you run your scams on the CO's back in the day without so much as an eye twitch. But you, Neroon, are you really willing to do this, what about your honor?" Garibaldi asked as the lift came to a stop and opened.

The little boy quickly got out and ran away. The rest of the rather "interesting" group followed suit and also exited the lift, Secret Service and all. Neroon answered as they began to walk towards Delenn's quarters at a very brisk pace.

"Mr. Garibaldi, I helped break the Grey Council, I had tried to break Valen's Ban, almost murdered an _Id'Minbari_, and now am the _Shai Alyt_ of a Caste of war criminals, rapists, and child murderers. Please believe me when I say that I have no honor. It is a miracle that _Anla'Shok_ Cole would accept help from one such as myself," he said.

His audience was too stunned to speak, except for Corwin, who yelled out, "Well, Damn!"

That summed it up for everybody. As they neared the throng outside Delenn's quarters Byron joined them. At this point, Lorrel began to chuckle.

"Well my friend, you now have the opportunity to act the dashing hero from those Shadow-be-Damned robe rippers your mother loves so much. You know the ones. The ones where the gallant hero shows up to the rescue his intended, at the last minute, to save them from a most horrible death," he teased.

"We call them bodice rippers on Earth," chimed in Savic while Neroon groaned and the others chuckled.

They had reached Delenn's door. They managed it only after the Warriors and Secret Service had muscled their way through the crowd while Garibaldi had been bellowing orders to his men. They then managed to climb over and around the improvised field infirmary in front and then: Show Time!

Garibaldi opened the doors to an even more insane situation than what he had left. Na'Toth was standing between three kneeling figures and Star Killer and begging him to listen to reason. Delenn was frantically holding on to his whip arm and pleading through tears for forgiveness for any sins committed against him, real or perceived, and begging him to take his anger out on her, not an innocent man. Susan and Lyta were kneeling in front and to the left of Star Killer, holding on to each other for dear life while bawling for Byron. G'Kar was seated on a chair in the back corner swearing and trying to stop a bloody nose, while Kosh stood next to him. (And who knows what was going on with the Vorlon!). Zack and two Kreene guards had the DDoK corralled in the corner by the door and were watching the scene with the "morbid accident" look while being roundly cursed out by the so-called "Ladies". And finally, Marcus; Marcus was kneeling directly in front of and with his back to his COs, head hanging down, shirtless, barefoot, and with his hands cuffed before him. He was pale, covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and trembling.

Neroon and Byron immediately got into character and bellowed "Marcus!" and "My Girls!" simultaneously while running in and kneeling down next to said persons. Neroon began murmuring in _Lenn'ah_ (the Warrior Caste language) and carding his hand through Marcus's hair, while Byron followed suit and began repeating "It's alright now, I'm here." to "his girls" who immediately fell into his arms and gave the performance of a life time of the "damsels in distress". Meanwhile, Marcus looked up, let out a choked sob and collapsed into Neroon's arms, shaking, crying, and repeating "You came!" over and over again. Neroon didn't think the Ranger's distress was entirely an act.

The noise level in Delenn's chambers slowly died down to the murmured words from Neroon and Byron, and the sniffling of their trembling charges. The spectators were in a stupor. Neroon held the distraught Ranger in his arms, and looked up at the Captain. He saw sanity returning slowly. By Valen! He did NOT want to face Sheridan's alter ego in battle. Had all the EarthForce Captains been like him, Minbar would have truly lost the war!

"Alright, now what's going on?" a bewildered Sheridan bellowed.

"Please, John will you listen?" begged a still tearful Delenn.

"Yes, yes of course," Captain Sheridan said as he dropped the Cat led her to the sofa.

The group standing by the door walked in and took position around the kneeling figures as Delenn began their award-winning whopper of a fish story.

"John, Marcus has always been a part of our little group. We just didn't want anyone to know. It would have blown his and Susan's cover. You see, after the _den'shah_, Neroon began a correspondence with Marcus. At first, it was about learning about Humans and building a bridge to the _Anla'Shok_. But the relationship changed. It developed into something much more. Master Durhann and I have been "covering" for them, as you humans say. Some of the courier missions that I sent Marcus on were ruses. In actuality, Neroon and Marcus were meeting to explore the possibility of a relationship," she said with downcast eyes and a very shy demeanor.

"Let me get this straight, Marcus is now dating the man who tried to kill him?" Sheridan asked with a disbelieving look on his face.

"Not "dating" as you say, Captain, but formally courting in the tradition of my Caste with the intent to Bond. And I do realize that is seems odd to human sensibilities, but we are Warriors, Captain, and in that moment as we faced death in each other's eyes, our souls connected. May Valen forgive me, but I almost destroyed that which is now most precious to me," Neroon interjected while helping Marcus to his unsteady feet.

He then motioned Zack to come and undo the cuffs. Valen, but Neroon was proud of himself. That was an excellent delivery! Who would have thought his mother's tripe would have ever come in useful?

"I'm sorry for not telling you. But the need for secrecy was and still is most dire. Please John, we had to keep it a secret. You know that Shakiri is mad. He will try to kill them both once he finds out!" Delenn finished while starting to cry again and collapsing against him. The stunned Captain slowly put his arms around her and began to pat her back.

"Shakiri is no longer an issue, Delenn. There was an accident. He is dead. I am now _Shai Alyt_," Neroon interjected.

Marcus looked up from his position of having his face buried in the crook of Neroon's neck. "He's gone? We're safe, we're finally safe?" he asked in a VERY convincing small and distrusting voice.

"Yes, beloved, we are safe. You are safe. And I will keep you such," Neroon stated while rubbing his back and staring at Sheridan in direct Challenge.

"Damn Cole, I hadn't pictured anything like this, but I'm glad that you've finally moved on. You took Bobby's death way too damn hard," Savic added while walking over to the pair. Neroon was now removing his cloak and wrapping it around Marcus.

Marcus turned his head to look at her. "Djana, is that you? When did you get here? What ARE you doing here?" he asked in a bewildered voice.

"You're looking at the new President, you mine rat! Have more respect!" Savic grumped, getting into the role.

"You two know each other?" This came from Mallita.

"Madam, _Anla'Shok_ Cole and I were the top graduates of our class for EFSO training. Of course we know each other. Just who do you think glued him back together after Bobby bought it on Astera?" she said in an extremely condescending voice.

Then she leveled her most vicious glare on the two Kreene females. "You also should show proper respect to the Commander in Chief of Earth and the Free Earth Colonies, Madam!" Savic spat out in a glacial voice.

Sheridan broke in before she could tear Mallita apart. "Alright. If this is true, then I understand Marcus' sneaking around. There's also a history here, and I won't impugn your honor _Shai Alyt_, nor yours Madam President, but let me get on with this."

He then turned his attention to the trio now ensconced in a lounge chair; Byron had a woman on each knee and arms around them both. "Why the ruse, Susan? Why not come out in the open? Okay, it's a little unusual, but it's your life, and your friends, which I count myself a part of, would not have judged you," Sheridan added on in a hurt voice.

"John, I don't know what to say, other than I've been hiding a part of myself for a long time," Susan said in a soft and watery voice. "And I don't know another way to say it other than to just blurt it out. I'm latent, John. That's right, I'm a telepath. What's more, Talia and I were close. Real close. We were lovers. I can't even begin to describe what that means to telepaths."

Those that didn't already know could have been knocked over with feathers at that point.

She ignored them all and went on, "After what happened to her, I began shutting down inside. I got even more paranoid of PsiCorps. I was losing it. Then I got to know Lyta better, and through her, Byron. They literally saved my sanity. I wouldn't be here now with out them," Ivanova finished as she laid her head back down on Byron's shoulder.

The screeching of a certain Kreene teenager ruined the moment. "I don't care about the affairs of that cow! I WANT TO KNOW WHY THAT MALE WHORE WAS ALLOWED TO LEAD ME ON!"

It turned into a pin drop moment. Finally, a glacial faced Neroon, who had had to catch a collapsing Marcus, brought all the bearing of a pissed off Minbari Warrior down on the little idiot. "You have insulted my intended. You have physically assaulted his person, knowing full well that he had no recourse in defending himself against you. You have done everything in your power to trap him in an undesirable situation, while knowing he did not wish to complete a contract with your House." His voice was even and icy, and all the more deadly for it.

"You have now insulted my _ma'fela_ (lover) in my presence in the most grievous manor! Therefore, you have insulted me, my Honor, my House, my Clan, my Caste, and MY PEOPLE! I AM _SATAI_! This is a cause for WAR!" he finished with a roar just as the Senator and his chief aide rushed in, having finally been dug out of a relay conference with the Kreene Court.

"_Satai_ Neroon, please forgive my foolish child's words. She is young, spoiled, and headstrong. Her women have spoiled her in the most atrocious manor during my long absences. I assure you that the people of the Kreene Confederacy think only the most honorable thoughts of the ISA and it's allies. I assure you, my daughter will be punished most severely, as will her chaperone! I will see to it personally! They are also going to be sent packing as soon as the punishments are over. They will not bother anyone of your Household again!" the Ambassador hurried to say.

Neroon, still glacial, nodded in acceptance of the verdict to the Senator. The Senator the turned to the now quaking duo and began to bark orders. The guards and aide hustled out the "ladies" while the Senator kept reigning down a litany of abuse in Kreene. When they left, Zack finally spoke again.

"They're gone, we're finally going to be rid of those pests? And all it took was the Warrior Caste threatening them? Damn you, Neroon! Couldn't you have moved faster?" he blurted out.

That broke the tension, and everyone, including the Vorlon surprisingly enough, laughed.

"Alright, I think that this fiasco is over. And Delenn wants her place back. Why don't we try to clear out?" Garibaldi asked when they had settled down.

"Not so fast Michael," Sheridan said, thereby ending everyone's hopes of getting out of this mess without any further consequences. "We still have the little issue of dereliction of duty. You see, SOME persons may be spared the worst, but know this folks, a letter of reprimand is going in everyone's permanent records stating that you did not keep in direct contact during a time of war."

"And Delenn, your are setting a bad example by following Susan's and Lyta's lead in this mess. Next time keep the comm open! Good God, what started out as a semi manageable incident has now turned in a Lullapalooza!" he finished.

Sheridan them groaned and muttered to himself as if remembering something unpleasant. After collecting himself, He informed the "Fab Five" as he began to think of them, about the "broadcast". Groans, curses, and whimpers followed that little announcement.

"I believe that know how to settle THAT issue," said a smirking Neroon, while sharing knowing look with Lorrel.

"And how would you do that?" asked G'Kar, who'd finally gotten his nose to stop bleeding.

In answer, Neroon simply picked a squeaking Marcus in a cradling hold, straightened and said, with all the dignity of his Station, "Come Lorrel, we will be leaving now. Lt. Corwin, please lead us to my assigned quarters." And so the dumb-founded Corwin did as he was told.

It was another pin-drop moment. Finally, Byron added his two cents. "I think I will follow the Satai's lead. Zack, would you be so kind as to make a path?" And so he left with Lyta clinging to one arm and Susan to the other. Both had managed to get into robes at one point of another.

"Na"Toth, I believe I owe you an apology, and a drink. Would you accompany me to the Zocalo? That is, would you accompany me after you have properly dressed?" With that apology from Z'Kar, the Narns left, followed by the Vorlon, who sounded as if he was still laughing behind that encounter suit of his.

"Come on Djana, I'll show to your rooms," Garibaldi offered. "Delenn and the Captain probably have a lot to talk about."

"Again, not so fast, Michael, I think Delenn would want to go see Lennier. I think he's got to be in med lab by now. And I don't want her mobbed. Would you go with her?" Sheridan cut in.

"Lennier? What is wrong? Is he hurt? Oh, John is right! I must go to him. Would you accompany me Mr. Garibaldi?" a newly distraught Delenn asked.

"Sure thing, Skipper. I'll leave little sister… Sorry, I mean Madame President, in your hands." and with statement, that the Chief and Delenn left, followed by Sheridan, Savic, and her ever-present shadows.

As Sheridan and Savic walked towards the, they made political small talk. Each was trying to size the other up. Finally, they reached the Captain's office. They entered, and Sheridan was the consummate host. Finally, when he sat down, Savic threw her first real salvo.

"I must compliment you on your acting ability, Captain," she said with a smirk.

A slow and truly evil grin began to form on Sheridan's face. "When did you catch on?"

"The Cat. A little extreme, don't you think? By the way, we had a running commentary from Mika's 2IC the whole way," Savic chuckled out.

"Really, that's good to know," he replied.

"Yep. _Mika_ always takes the best. His people will never let him down. But he'll kill the poor S.O.B. that brought you the Cat. By the way, he picked up on it in the lift. You're in for a grilling," Savic warned.

"Damn! I wanted him to keep mum!" Sheridan groaned.

"He'll keep quiet. I lied through my teeth about Bobby for Cole, but _Mika_ would walk through fire and rain for me. So, pop field exercise?" she inquired.

"Yep," was his rather nonchalant answer.

"Let's go for the obvious first; Delenn?" Savic started with her list.

"Thinks with her emotions in the clutch. Proved it in ordering the War, and again when she wouldn't sacrifice any of her Rangers to stop Neroon." At Savic's stunned look, he went on, "Don't look so surprised. I know all about her and the War. Sinclair left me a dossier on her the size of "War and Peace". I may have fallen for who she is now, but she still has some bad habits from the past to unlearn. She needs to think more analytically when under fire."

"Your XO?" Savic asked next.

"I knew about Talia. She really did need to open up about that. The situation really was killing her. The teep thing was a spanner though. Do you think the trio's real?" Sheridan asked worriedly.

"Have no clue, but after seeing that, it either is or it might soon be. Now, Alexander?" she replied.

"Power measure. And needed a reading on Byron. Got two birds with one stone on that one," Sheridan said with a shrug.

"Na'Toth?" came the next inquiry.

"All the other aides are working independently of their superiors. But Na'Toth has still been rather sticking close to G'Kar. She'll be commanding a combat group for him. I need her to think independently and out of the box." Sharidan started laughing then. "She really threw me for a loop today. She jumped right out of the box and right into the old boob tube! The Jack Tripper Defense! God, I didn't like anyone watched that vid anymore!"

"Blame _Mika_," Savic said between her own laughs.

"Should have known," he groaned out.

"Cole?" she asked after the laughing stopped.

"Has a guilt trip and a death wish. I think I cured him of the death wish today. _Permanently_. The cherry was getting rid of those two Kreene leaches!" Sheridan answered with a little boy grin.

"Really? I was thing of something else entirely," Savic demurred.

"I wasn't planning on that at all. But Neroon charging in like Galahad was a real added bonus. Oh God! Do you know how hard it was to keep a straight face? Where the hell did he get those lines anyway?" Sheridan asked as he cracked up again.

"Bodice rippers," Savic answered wickedly.

He groaned again at that answer. "And now I so don't want to know! All right, painting him in a corner at the negotiation table and making him beholden to Delenn to was too good to pass up, once he started doing it for me."

Savic gave an evil little grin of her own then. "Sheridan, your mind is as twisted as mine. I like it. I foresee a profitable partnership. Now, how'd they do? And are you going to ever tell them the truth?" the President asked.

"Why, thank you Madam President. I concur. And not too bad; I'd say about 7.9 out of 10. There's room for a lot of improvement, and no, I won't. I need them to fear "Star Killer". I'll be giving some really ugly orders out there, and sending their "family" to their deaths, they need to know I'm not all peaches and cream. Besides, having the _Shai Alyt_ quaking in his boots at the idea of pissing me off is something I'm not going to pass up! I also inadvertently finally got to do something I have wanted to for a long time," Sheridan finished, chuckling.

"And what may that be?" Savic asked.

"Play match-maker myself!" he answered as they both began laughing hysterically again.


	9. Chapter 8

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Eight

_Anla'Shok_ Marcus Cole sat at his favorite table in his favorite café in the Zocalo, sipped his tea, ignored the rest of the crowd, and pondered the last few months. His life had been turned into a living hell by the arrival of the Kreene. The torture and humiliation had culminated with the accidental broadcast from Delenn's quarters, and then the life threatening (for him, anyway) arrival if the Captain and the rest of the Command Staff and War Council. Then, when he was in the early stages of a mental breakdown and too emotionally far gone to stop the ladies, they had concocted a truly harebrained scheme to get themselves and him out of the mess. AND, they'd managed to telepathically contact the new _Shai Alyt_ and EA President and ask them to help!

And, if that wasn't enough, the two intergalactic leaders had agreed, because he himself had helped convince them in his hysteria! Now, he, _Anla'Shok_ Marcus Cole, found himself being "courted" by the _Shai Alyt_ of the Minbari Warrior Caste, and having to pretend that he was "ecstatic" about finally being able to "come out of the closet"! Oh why him?

Marcus was now completely sure that his current life was his part of his punishment for his failure to listen to William. Marcus saw no karmic wheel in his ongoing torture; there were no sins of a past life coming back to haunt him. Only the sins of this life were needed. Letting his entire colony and family die because of his own arrogance was easily grievous enough for what he had been living through.

Marcus snorted to himself. Yes, he no longer had to dodge the Kreene menace anymore, but the aftermath of the "Sheridan Incident", as Neroon referred to it, (Marcus and the girls privately referred to it as the "Star Killer Incident". Though, after Neroon's reaction to that nickname, they NEVER mentioned it in his presence again.), was almost as annoying. First, there had been the walk (or, in Marcus's case, carry) back to Neroon's quarters. That had set even more tongues wagging, and at a faster rate than everything preceding it. Marcus, already past his emotional endurance, had simply buried his head in Neroon's shoulder and pretended to be unconscious the entire trip in order to avoid the crowd. Nernoon had played the part of the "concerned lover" to the hilt, and clutched him tightly to his chest while murmuring phrases such as, "It's over now.", "I'm here now, love.", and "Everything will be all right." in _Lenn'ah_ all the way to his quarters.

Then, when they had gotten there, Neroon hadn't let him down immediately. The Warrior had actually carried him to the lounge and had laid him on it! This had been of course been done to the laughter of Corwin and the _Shai Alyt's_ aide, Lorrel. Then, oh joy of joys, there was Corwin's "Well Cole, I hope you are a better actor than the entire body of SAG, 'cause you two are going to have to keep this up until the Skipper's doesn't suspect you anymore." That had had Neroon and Marcus both groaning while the other two laughed until they cried. When Corwin finally calmed down, he promised to play his part and go back to C&C and "reluctantly" share this "shocking news" with the duty shift, while swearing them all to secrecy. This, of course, would ensure that the news was across the entire Station in minutes.

When the Lieutenant had left, Neroon asked Marcus if he was coherent enough yet to plan a strategy. Marcus had given the Warrior a glassy eyed look, and let out a slightly crazed little laugh that had scared both Warriors for a bit. Then he had told Neroon that their best strategy would be to first contact Master Durhann, and make sure that their old teacher knew of their ruse first hand from them, and NOT through the rumor mill. After all, the respected Master was supposed to have been one of their coconspirators in this! That had lead to panic attacks on the part of all three males in the room as to how to break the news to the venerable old Warrior, AND how they would all stay alive if he chose to find issue with their ruse. Finally, after Marcus had practically passed out in panic and mortification, Lorrel had come up with a strategy.

They would call Master Durhann on a priority channel so that Neroon could apprise him of his actions in regards to his orders to educate the Caste as to the "Truth of Valen". Then he would explain what was done about the extent of the war crimes perpetrated by the Caste against the EA during the Earth-Minbari War. Neroon would, of course, ask that the Council make sure that no one in the Caste tried to end their lives over the knowledge, or worse, retaliate against the Humans on Minbar for "bringing such dishonor upon the Caste." After that, Neroon would explain that a solid link to the _Anla'Shok_ was needed, as well as and overt overture to the Humans. Then he would drop the bombshell about what they, and Delenn, had done and why, and humbly beg for the old Master's help. Hopefully the strategy would work, and all three would live past the experience.

It had worked all right. It had worked only too well. The old Master had NOT been happy to hear of what Neroon had ordered, and he had expressed his displeasure in no uncertain terms! The teacher did not believe that the Caste was yet ready to face the demon known as the Earth-Minbari War. When Lorrel spoke of some of what had happened during the War, and sent a transmission of all of the evidence, Durhann had been shocked and grieved to know exactly just how extensive the war crimes had been. He had also been very concerned about the extent that many would go to in order to restore the honor of the Caste and their Clans. The three Warriors plotted a course of action to help their fellow Warriors survive the storm Neroon had unleashed. Durhann had then been very agreeable to building personal bridges to the Rangers and Humanity.

All during this time, Marcus had stayed in the background. Then, Neroon motioned for him to come and stand by him for the rest. He even asked Marcus if the Ranger wished to tell his story to the old Master. Marcus had nodded yes, and did his best to present his case to his old teacher. He started the story with the arrival of the Kreene, and what had happened. By the time he was done with that part, Durhann was in laughing so hard that they had had to wait for the old Warrior to catch his breath. Then Marcus had tried to explain the accidental broadcast, and found himself shaking with both nerves and embarrassment. He hadn't been able to go on.

Neroon had taken the story from there. When Durhann had heard of what the Captain had sentenced Marcus to, the old Warrior had paled, sworn, and immediately offered Marcus sanctuary at his Clan's estate. The _Denn'bok_ Master had not understood exactly how quickly a Captain's Mast could move. Neroon had hod to explain that by the time that he had heard of the punishment, Sheridan had been ready to carry it out. Then he had told Durhann the rest of the story. Including Marcus's and the ladies' very late defense and how the ladies of the War Council, powerful human telepaths, himself, and the EA President had concocted it. Neroon told his old teacher everything, including how everything had played out, and who on the Command Staff and War Council knew the truth.

After the shear shock of hearing that incredible story, the Master had broken out in another round of uncontrollable laughter. When Durhann had finally caught his breath again, he said that of course he would help his two favorite students cover their tracks. As soon as he was done speaking with them, he would contact Delenn and make sure they had matching stories if they were asked about this. After all, Minbari only lie to protect the honor of another Minbari, and seeing Neroon go to this length for Marcus, he now new that the Star Rider had truly accepted the truth of _Id'Minbari_. Then the wily old _gok _had smiled evilly, and said that he would extract a fee for his help!

Durhann stated that since they were going to all this trouble on the Station, why not use the "hidden courtship" as a propaganda tool on Minbar? Master Durhann wanted to go very public with their "star crossed love" and show how the insanity of Shakiri had almost led an honorable Warrior, a _Satai_ no less, to almost murder his "soul mate". The story of the _den'shah_ would be told, and it would be heavily slanted to Marcus's foreknowledge of his death and how the Ranger had accepted that cost in order to save Delenn, the Rangers, the Warrior Caste, and the two races. Then it would veer to Neroon's epiphany and his heartbreak at his actions, and finally, the slow healing and development of their "love" under the ever present threat from Shakiri's insanity.

Their old teacher said that by showing that two of Humanity's strongest Warriors could forgive and fall in love with Minbari, it would show the true power of Humanity and its soul kinship to the Minbari people. After the firestorm Neroon had unleashed, he also wanted to show that the wounds of the Earth-Minbari War could be healed. Durhann wanted to hammer into the collective psyche of the Minbari Federation that "Sacred Connection" to Humanity. If Delenn was to be the prophetic and symbolic Minbari bride, helpmate, and conscience given to Sheridan's Warrior self, then Marcus should be the Human sword brother, shield arm, and living talisman of the Caste's collective sin against Humanity given to the Minbari _Shai Alyt_. It would appeal to the spirituality of the masses and showcase the completion of the Sacred Circle that Valen/Sinclair had opened.

Neroon and Marcus had simply looked at each other after hearing what Durhann wanted, and groaned. They both knew that this wasn't going to end well for them. Marcus had then agreed for them both - since they really had no choice - and sarcastically asked if he should be playing the role of the "innocent and love-injured man-child" as well! If they were going to make his personal humiliation into an intergalactic media feeding frenzy, why not go all out?

Unfortunately for the Ranger, Master Durhann had thought he was serious, and loved the idea. Lorrel's evil streak came out then, and he added the little tidbit about Neroon and Bramner, much to Neroon's chagrin. The wily old Master had jumped all over it, and was off concocting a story of "broken hearts healed" fit to be published by any third rate bodice/robe ripper peddler in known space. At this point, Neroon and Marcus both knew that no matter how this ended, they would either be the new poster children for the saying "love conquers all" or hiding in shame. Both were privately trying to calculate just how long they needed to keep the farce going, and just what it would take to end it with both of their honors in tact.

This had led to the two Warriors and the Ranger to promising to get the President to have her little story about Bobby "leaked"; which they did as soon as they had finished with the conversation - read torture session - with Master Durhann. Being the shrewd politician and tactician that she was, Savic saw where all this was going the minute the conversation started, and even anticipated the "traumatized and angst-filled soldier" angle. She had then laughingly agreed to do it. She even said she'd make it a three-hanky tearjerker, complete with Bobby dying in Marcus's arms and the Ranger's vows to avenge his death, staying "chaste" until he found Bobby's soul again, whether it was in this life or the next, and, of course, the start of Marcus's death wish. Then Savic had told them that they needed to get back to their acting. After all, wouldn't a concerned and slightly panicked Neroon be trying to drag his emotionally and physically overwrought lover to med lab by now? Marcus groaned, swore, and promised to get even with the evilly grinning Savic as she signed off.

Well, that had led to Neroon putting in a very imperious call to Steven "demanding" a "house call" for Marcus. Why, Marcus was in "too delicate a state" to leave the lounge, let alone Neroon's quarters! The _Satai_ stated emphatically that he refused to have his _ma'fela_ subjected to the stress of wading through the "rabble" of this "barge" in order to be properly treated.

To say that the Doctor had not been happy with Neroon's high handedness would be an understatement. Oh, but Steven had been absolutely livid! But, after having treated Lennier, having had the "truth" told to him by the Chief and Delenn, and hearing from his medic just what shape the Ranger appeared to be in when Neroon had carried him out of the Ambassador's quarters, he agreed to come to Neroon's quarters himself.

And then the Ranger had had the suffer the indignity of lying to his best friend while being poked and prodded if front of two Warriors, and pretending to be in much worse shape than he was. He had had to play up the role of the "fragile" one in the supposed relationship who was at the moment leaning on his lover for emotional and mental support. This, coupled with the readouts of the Doctor's scans showing actual evidence of fatigue, both mental and physical stress, dehydration, slight malnutrition, and a moderate chemical imbalance, of course had Steven seeing red and vowing to take off Sheridan's hide the next time he saw him. After the doctor's tirade, Marcus was given injections, forced to endure a hydrating IV run, ordered to bed rest for three days, given a strict meal plan, a bottle of vitamin supplements and a prescription to balance out the chemicals that were found to be off.

When Franklin was done clucking over Marcus, he turned his attention to the new _Shai Alyt_, who had been standing next to Marcus's lounge and holding his hand, and ordered the Minbari to take care of Marcus. Then he threatened severe medical consequences on Neroon if he failed to carry out that order. After that, Steven had not even given the Warrior a chance to respond. He'd simply packed up his gear and left the two to the tender mercies of Lorrel, who had valiantly been able to keep his laughter in until the Doctor had left. Then, he'd shown the two no mercy. It had taken Neroon reminding his old friend that as _Shai Alyt_, he had the power to see Lorrel stationed at weather monitoring station on top of the Minbari North Pole to shut the Warrior up.

After a bit of actual peace and quiet, something Marcus had begun to believe didn't exist, Delenn had called Neroon on secure diplomatic line, just as the Warrior had called Durhann. They first talked about the can of worms that Neroon had opened, then they fought about telling the whole truth about Valen/Sinclair, and finally they compared notes on the stories that she had come up with Durhann about the whole courtship mess. Delenn had agreed with Durhann. The _Entil'Zha_ said that if stronger ties between the Castes, Rangers and Warriors, and a better relationship with Humanity could be salvaged from this fiasco, then it would be worth it. It would be worth the tongue-lashing she was sure she would get from John when they were finally able to tell him the truth. Then she said she would have one of the Rangers deliver Marcus's things to Neroon's quarters. This had been ordered done because Steven had called her, and in no uncertain terms, told her that he had found Marcus not fit for active duty for at least three days, and had left the Ranger in Neroon's loving care to recuperate! Needless to say, Marcus had been mortified.

The astounded Ranger had arrived with Marcus's things an hour later. The human Ranger was treated to a sight he had never thought to see in his lifetime. He stuttered out his greeting to Marcus, who had once more donned the mask of the "over wrought and fragile man-child" for the poor _Anla'Shok's_ benefit. He lay, still attached to that bloody IV, mind you, on the lounge, while being waited on hand and foot by a _Satai _and _Shai Alyt_ of the Warrior Caste and his aide. Marcus had pretended to be dragged back to full consciousness by the soft, crooning entreaties and gentle caress of Neroon. Then, he weakly greeted the other Ranger and thanked him for bringing his things. Of course, Neroon played the role of "concerned and overprotective lover" to the hilt again, and brusquely thanked the Ranger while having Lorrel take Marcus's things and shoo the other Human out.

Between Corwin, Steven, Zack, the Ranger, and G'Kar the story of the "reality", including Marcus's weakened state, of the "Fab Five" (And this little nickname had all the ladies and Marcus plotting dire vengeance against Sheridan!) had spread through the station faster than a case of chicken pox could through a daycare center. Of course, Marcus had used Steven's orders to bed rest to full effect, and hid out in Neroon's quarters for nearly a week. The Ranger had had more than enough of the farce, and was determined to have a bit of a holiday. He quite easily let Neroon brave the masses alone while he lay on the lounge and got caught up on his reading and personal correspondence. The Ranger wanted to catch up with what was left of his old friends, answer their missives, and break the news to them about his "relationship" with Neroon before they heard about it from the grapevine. Marcus had accepted calls only from those that he knew were in on the charade. They had kept him apprised of what was going on. Everybody else, he had Neroon scare off. He even avoided, politely of course, talking to Lennier and Vir.

Marcus had particularly liked the calls from Susan. She had given him very detailed descriptions of the hell she had put the techs who had been responsible for the broadcast through. The Russian even had everything recorded for the enjoyment of the group that had been so grievously injured. Marcus had begged the Chief for some popcorn right after he received his copy. When a very disgruntled Neroon came back that evening from dealing with the press, the War Council, a smirking Sheridan, who kept saying, "Welcome to my hell, brother.", a very distraught Delenn, and an EA President that always seemed to be able to avoid any meetings that involved Lorrel, Marcus had popped the popcorn, and invited Neroon to watch the vengeance being doled out.

It had been an Ivanova work of art. The Russian Iron Maiden had the entire team of techs and their direct supervisors in tears within five minutes. In ten, wails of, "Please, don't kill us, Ma'am!" and "Please don't space us, Ma'am!" could be heard. Fifteen minutes into the vid, grown men and veterans of the War were loudly bawling their eyes out, begging for mercy, and even wetting themselves.

Finally, after a half an hour, Byron walked into the maintenance bay and said in a stern and fatherly voice, "Now, Suzy, we talked about this. We are already very short staffed. Yes, they are idiots who deserve to have the gray matter that passes for their brains slagged, but we really can't afford to have you space this entire team!"

At that little act, the Commander of Death turned into a pouting little sex kitten and whined, "Well can I at least space one of them as an example to the rest?"

To which the ex PsiCop replied, "Only if the Captain clears it." Ivanova pouted again at that. "I'm sure he would, love. After all, they have caused the mental anguish and embarrassment of the lady who is, for all intents and purposes, his betrothed. And you know what he almost did to poor Marcus."

That had had the tech staff actually begging to draw lots to see who would get spaced! They had all heard of the "Star Killer and the Cat" situation, and they did NOT want to be the poor S.O.B. on the receiving end. All in all, that little homemade vid from Susan had cheered both the Ranger and Warrior up. Neroon even commented that he might use one or two of Susan's intimidation techniques at the end!

With the reading, calls, and letter writing, the first three days had passed rather quickly for Marcus. Then on the fourth day, Lorrel had reminded the Ranger that the Doctor had said that he only needed three days to recover. Marcus had then very coldly, and maliciously replied that if Lorrel tried to make him step out into that gossip feeding frenzy before he was good and ready, then he would personally introduce the Warrior to what Human healers called a "prostate exam" - with his own _denn'bok_! Lorrel didn't understand the medical terminology, but he understood the implied threat loud and clear. The Star Rider Second found himself practicing the better part of valor very quickly. A laughing Neroon had then chimed in, and said that it fit with the scenario they were portraying. Why would someone as rabidly overprotective as he was acting, let his "fragile" lover out and about before he was satisfied that Marcus was healed? Lorrel had to admit defeat at that point. How do you argue with cold, hard logic?

Privately, Neroon had been encouraging Marcus to stay ensconced on his lounge and out of the feeding frenzy for as long as possible because he really was worried about the Ranger's mental state. He'd gone through Marcus's EA military and _Anla'Shok_ records, and now was truly aware of what the Ranger was capable of. He'd also had a long talk with the Chief on the matter of a destructive Marcus. And, even he could see that Marcus had had enough. If Marcus was out in the thick of this mess right now, and some idiot said the wrong thing, Neroon was positive that he would be paying the bill for what the Chief referred to as defense lawyers. Marcus would surely be up on capital charges! The Warrior was sure that Marcus did not need to be anywhere where he could do any damage until he was calm and could rationally approach the matter. And, as fate would have it, that was nearly a week later.

In that time, the story that Savic had concocted had been leaked. It was definitely three-hanky tearjerker she promised, and it tied in quite nicely to the tale Susan had spun for Mallita. And not only had it gone through the Station grapevine, but it had also been picked up by ISN! Within two days from the start of the farcical fiasco, the story of the "forbidden love" between the War-traumatized and bereaved Human Ranger and the reformed Minbari Warrior Caste _Shai Alyt_ had made it into every news-reporting agency and gossip rag in known space.

The story concocted by Durhann had made through all the Castes and the entire Federation as well. That had the reporters who weren't doing stories on the Children's Wall, Delenn and Sheridan, and their 'Romeo and Juliet" thing, and the scandal of Bablyon Five's "Telepath Trio" digging into Marcus's history. That's how story of the destruction of Arisia came out. The reporter had really played up the Ranger's struggle to survive and keep his remaining family alive. The little weasel of a reporter had gone on and on about how the EFI veteran had lost his whole family, his home, his living, and the "shy and beautiful" Hasina, who the reporter had tearfully said had been slowly healing the poor Ranger's heart.

Then he told the story of how yet another person Ranger Cole loved had died in his arms. And of course, Marcus's promise to his dying brother, the first Ranger Cole, to continue his work was the Coup de Gras. Marcus and Neroon were now up in the same category of super celebrity couple as Sheridan and Delenn were, with Susan, Byron, and Lyta and their "daring and controversial" relationship coming up a very close second. Marcus had been VERY happy to avoid the worst of all of this.

When Marcus finally emerged from Neroon quarters, he did so on the arm of the _Satai_. And that was to walk to the med lab for a checkup. When he, the Warrior, and their entourage arrived, (It was and entourage since the _Shai Alyt_ was not allowed to go anywhere without at least one guard and Lorrel had stuck close just so he could get a good laugh at his best friend's expense again.) a very sympathetic med lab staff greeted them. The staff had been all falling all over themselves to make the two feel comfortable and accepted. Steven had then come out of his office, given Marcus his checkup, and pronounced him fit for duty. He also said that Marcus's readings were better than they had been in months, and he complimented Neroon on getting Marcus to cooperate with his treatment. Neroon had smirked and simply stated that he knew how to apply the right "incentive" in order to get Marcus to cooperate.

The statement was so loaded with sexual innuendo that half the eavesdropping staff, as well as Franklin, were choking and a mock shocked Marcus was gasping out "Neroon! I can't believe you just implied that! Don't you realize what these sex crazed fools will think of me now!" Which, of course, had forced the Warrior into contrite apologies and profuse expressions of his esteem and respect, as well as love, for Marcus. Marcus had inwardly been laughing his butt off at the Warrior. Lorrel, on the other hand, hadn't been able to hide all of his mirth. The entourage had left med lab with Neroon once again threatening to send his "soon to be former best friend" to an icy tour of duty. This had everyone in med lab in hysterics when they had left.

That had been nearly two weeks ago, and the gossip and news stories still hadn't completely let up. Marcus sighed, and took another sip of his tea. At least the girls and Lennier and Vir all expressed sympathy for his plight. (Though Lennier and Vir didn't know exactly what was going on, they understood that Marcus hated having his private life made into public fodder. Marcus found it nice to be able to talk to all of his friends again, but he hated lying to most of them, especially Steven. The Ranger sighed again.

He'd slowly been getting back into the swing of things, but it had been very hard. It was still hard. He had so much to work around now that getting his job done was nearly impossible. It seemed that every being in known space knew what he looked like. That had pretty much put paid to his more clandestine Ranger activities. A man couldn't exactly act as a covert agent if everyone and his cousin yelled out, "Hay! It's that Ranger from ISN!" at the mere idea of the sight of him, could he?

Then there was the never-ending gossiping around him every time he showed up somewhere. Then there was the bowing and scraping of every Minbari Warrior and most of the Minbari, for that matter, on the Station every time he was in the vicinity. And how could he forget the questions of "But why a Warrior, and REALLY, why that one?", "Um, are you really bi, or did the reporter just make that up? And if you aren't which way do you REALLY swing", "Hey, you're close to Ivanova, right? Well, can you tell me what in all the known Hells that Nancy Boy of a teep has that the rest of us haven't got? I, mean, how can he land not one of, but BOTH of the Station's human babes?" and last, but oh, certainly not the least, "Did you really stay a virgin until you got together with Neroon?" from all the human Rangers who weren't afraid of him. Marcus had ignored them all. But the way his fellow Rangers and the EarthForce soldiers were all looking at him; now THAT was harder to ignore! It was as if they expected him to turn into an effeminate pansy at any second!

Marcus tried to shake off his irritation and slight depression. He didn't want the girls to find him in a funk. It would only lead to badgering from his "adopted sisters". After the whole mess started, Susan had set up a plan to deal with a bit of the social disaster. Since everyone's "secrets" had been "outed", the "Fab Five" (Ooooh! Once this bloody war with the Shadows was over, Delenn was scheduled to become a very young widow!) had taken some of their meetings public.

It had helped out everyone involved to have some sense of normalcy. Everyone could at least pretend that they were going about their lives as they usually would. Marcus smirked to himself as he thought about what was likely to happen very soon. The shear terror of having the most powerful telepath in known space, a very deadly Ranger in his own right who could now tattle to an even more deadly _Shai Alyt_, the Russian Iron Maiden, who now known to be a telepath - as if she wasn't terrifying enough before, a Narn Warrior with a very well known attitude, and the Minbari Ambassador who also just so happened to be the Captain's "special" lady friend, all sitting together at one table usually cleared out a café faster than a rumor of Pakmara liking the place would!

The Ranger chuckled to himself, remembering the first time that had happened. Marcus finally shook off the last of his depressing thoughts with that memory, and looked up. He smiled at the sight that greeted his eyes. Ah, and here came his dining partners now. And from the looks on the ladies' faces, this should prove to be a very interesting lunch!


	10. Chapter 9

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

Acknowledgments: I must thank ckl for taking the time to beta read this chapter.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Nine

The ladies were all wearing expressions that ranged from unmitigated scorn to outright fury as they walked towards the table that Marcus was seated at. They looked to be a formidable force indeed and Marcus was suddenly feeling pity for whomever was responsible for their collective bad mood. Ooh! NOT GOOD! Susan had that eye twitch again. If the Ranger hadn't already been positive that the collective expressions weren't aimed at him, he'd have run for his life, just as his neighbors in the café already had. Well, at least the waiter had delivered the tea tray before running for the hills.

Marcus took another look at the oncoming ladies. Was Na'Toth grinding her teeth as well? Why yes, yes she was. And, yep, he was sure of it now. Delenn was wearing her Ranger One poker face. Whatever it was, this situation wasn't simply in the "NOT GOOD" category. It was in the "VERY, VERY BAD" category! Ooh, but why did he suddenly get the feeling that some poor idiot from the ISA Assembly was on the Ivanova short list for spacing? Marcus took still yet another look at the oncoming women. Well, maybe it wasn't a complete catastrophe yet. Lyta's eyes hadn't gone Shadow-hunting black – and that was a GOOD thing! Marcus took a deep breath and decided to attack the problem head on as the ladies seated themselves.

"Alright, who is it? What did he do? What did he say? And will anybody be needing an alibi?" he asked.

"How do you know that it was a male responsible?" asked Na'Toth.

Marcus simply raised an eyebrow at "his girls" and waited for the inevitable explosion. As expected, it came in live, blazing Technicolor. The ladies collectively spat out "Lumati!" at the top of their voices.

Marcus groaned. That prat had been causing problems since that race had signed on in the war against the Shadows. If it wasn't for what the Lumati listening outposts provided in intelligence, he was positive that the Assembly would have kicked them out just on principal.

"What does the little pisser want THIS time?" he growled out.

Susan muttered something rather vicious sounding in her native language before answering, "Oh, nothing. Just the usual stupidity and more! The jerk kept going on and on about the disrespect his people were being shown in being forced to work with "lesser species". There was a collective groan from the table. "This was met by the usual scorn by the rest of the Assembly. Then he went into his usual list of demands. He wanted more ships to patrol their space, as if we weren't spread thin enough to begin with! More supplies for their listening outposts, as if we had any to spare. More contracts to exclusive trading rights within the ISA after the war had been won. More protection for their shipping convoys, more of this and more of that, etcetera, etcetera, and etcetera ad nauseum!"

Susan took a sip of the tea Marcus had poured for her before going on. "Those new requests were real lulus though. That stupid bastard now wants seat on the War Council for himself. As if John would ever put up with his nonsense, not to mention the fact that Londo and/or G'Kar would probably make sure that _putz_ had an "unfortunate and fatal accident" the first time he screwed up! And don't even get me and Lyta started on what Kosh would do!" The whole table shuddered at that thought. "AND since both the ISA and the Federation are now in full alliance with the EA, he wants the seal the deal in –ahem – "the traditional Lumati fashion" with the President!" Susan growled out while her right eye began to twitch again. The poor Commander was reliving her close call with the letch due to this latest fiasco.

Marcus choked on his tea. Oh, God, Jeff, and Jesus! Not that, anything but that! Djana DID NOT put up with "sexual harassment" of any kind! Not even when it was couched as "diplomacy". And, after everything Djana had lived through, this type of situation was a VERY, VERY BAD thing! It tended to bring out her demons, and in a truly terrifying and nasty way.

"Please tell me Djana didn't kill him on the spot! Or, worse, that she fell into a flashback." he begged.

They all looked at him and smirked, then Delenn answered, "No, Madame President did not." Delenn became serious before continuing, "Marcus, you said something about the President suffering from "flashbacks"? I have heard both EarthForce Warriors and Human Rangers refer to these "flashbacks" before. What are you all referring to?" she asked in a concerned voice.

As the leader of a combined Human/Minbari fighting force, she felt that she needed this question answered. So far, all of the Human healers would shy away from answering, sighting patient confidentiality. The medical pamphlets the healers had given her had been written from the standpoint that the reader understood the basics and again were of no help to her. Human psychology texts she had been forced to resort to had been nothing but confusing as well.

The humans at the table became uncomfortable and could not meet the Priestess's eyes at her question. None of them knew what to say, how to tell their friend what her people had done to theirs. Finally after a bit of fidgeting from everyone, and after having deliberated on the pros and cons of answering, Marcus began to speak.

"You have to understand, _Entil'Zha_, that combat of any kind is a very traumatic experience. It is especially traumatic for the young and sheltered." Marcus took a deep breath, gathering his courage, and then went on, "And that's what most of us in EarthForce were during the Earth-Minbari War. We were young, sheltered, and innocent. It was our fathers', and in some cases, grandfathers' generations that had fought the Dilgar," he explained gently.

"And after that horror, our parents wanted to keep such things as far from their offspring as possible. Really, who could blame them? Every deity out there knows that if I am ever lucky enough to become a father, I'll want to keep the hell of the War and the Shadows as far away from my children as possible. Anyway, they never spoke of what they had gone through with us as a whole. Oh, we had the dry textbook accounts in history class and we learned of what had been done to the other League worlds, but remember that compared to EarthForce, the Dilgar war machine had been rather weak and had never broken through one of our lines, or so we had been lead to believe. Therefore, no EA world had suffered the ravages of the Dilgar bio-weapons. That is why we hadn't ever been prepared for anything like what the War brought to us."

Delenn began to pale as he continued to explain. "And I know that you know what had been done during the War, by both sides. Neither side is completely blameless when it comes to atrocities, but let's face it, humanity caught the worst of it in the War. That being said, because the horror and the trauma that regular combat produced was being added to almost exponentially by everything else that was going on, the emotional and psychological, and sociological toll on the human fighting forces were extreme. We weren't losing people just to injuries sustained on the battlefield, but to the emotional and psychological ones as well."

"Now, there are those that survived the War but are, to this day, what we call the "walking wounded". Those are combat veterans that have been permanently scared by the War, either physically or psychologically, and in many cases both. That's where "flashbacks" come in," Marcus explained before trying to pick up his teacup for a sip with a now shaking hand.

He abandoned the attempt before spilling the contents, and went on with his explanation. This time, he couldn't force himself to meet his _Entil'Zha's _eyes as he spoke, "A flashback in this situation refers to an extremely strong and extremely fast upsurge of a memory, feeling, or perceptual experience from the War. It's comes on so strong and so fast that the person literally believes that they are back in that situation and it is almost always a very, very traumatic situation that they are reliving. It can be dangerous for those around them to try and bring them out of it." Marcus stopped speaking to try and take another sip of his tea, with Susan's help this time.

He smiled his thanks at the Commander after soothing his dry throat and picked up his lecture again. "Unfortunately for humanity, most of us, Djana and myself included, suffer from flashbacks, thanks to either the War or the Shadows. Well, I guess we can now add Clark to that list for a small minority, too."

"Don't forget the old PsiCorps," Susan and Lyta added almost simultaneously. Marcus nodded at the addition but stayed silent.

The Commander took over when she saw that Marcus just didn't have the stomach to go on with the explanations. The look of horror and pain on Delenn's face was something that he had never wished to see, and he had not wanted to add to her pain. Nor could he continue to face his own. Susan, on the other hand, believed that opening old wounds should be avoided at almost all costs, but once an old and infected wound had been opened, it had better be dealt with then and there.

Therefore, she picked up the narrative where Marcus had left off, "Delenn, it's not just the soldiers that were affected, but the civilians as well; to be honest, the civilians were hit harder. All of humanity suffered, and suffered badly, but the colonial children were the ones who were most affected and the most traumatized. Now, we're not saying that we were blameless in the War, after all, it takes two sides fighting to actually have one, but damn it, Delenn! Whole EA colonies were wiped out! Not just the EarthForce battle groups assigned to protect them. And we're talking systematic genocide. The Warrior Caste killed everyone and everything in its path. Soldiers, civilians, old, sick, young, weak, women, children, everyone! Hell, there are even stories of them using family pets that were left behind in the chaotic evacuations as target practice."

Susan snorted. "You know, there was an actually study done by some idiot psychology major at the Academy. The study basically "formally" found out something that every human still capable of coherent thought had already known, that every living and known human being had lost at least one person to the War. That's how bad it was for us. And that's why we, as a species, are rather psychologically mixed up now," she finished.

Delenn was in tears when the Commander finished speaking. She had known that the situation had been terrible. She had known what the Warrior Caste had done, what she had let them do. But to have those Humans that she now considered close friends spell it out so blatantly hurt. It simply hurt, and to know that they had all been injured in some way was excruciating. The guilt that Delenn had felt for her role in the commencement of the Earth-Minbari War and all that followed came back a thousand fold.

There was a prolonged and very awkward silence after Susan finished speaking. Finally, Na'Toth broke it. "It is amazing to me that Humans and Minbari had been able to put such a war behind them and reconcile. We Narns suffered just as terribly at the hands of the Centuari, albeit for a longer span of time, and the hatred and pain are still there. It has also been a longer period since the first occupation of Narn and we have yet to put it behind us. Perhaps we should use Humanity and the Minbari as an example," she said.

Delen wiped her teary eyes with her napkin and smiled sadly before saying, "We Minbari would not make such a good example to follow. The resentment from our war with Earth still simmers under the surface in many parts of our society."

Susan snorted at that. "And we're not any better, Na'Toth. We're worse. It's out and out hatred with a good dose of xenophobia in parts of ours," she added.

"Yet you seem to have worked together well since the end of your war. You had first done so with the building of this place and the reformation of the old League. You have done so again with the ISA and this war against the Shadows," Na'Toth said.

"Na'Toth, that's because we didn't want the War to happen again. It was self preservation," Lyta said.

Marcus snorted while Susan and Lyta shook their heads at Na'Toth's puzzlement. "Na'Toth, humanity as a whole still doesn't trust the Minbari. Until now, we've never had a definitive answer as to why the War started, why it stopped, and whether or not it would ever restart," he said.

Delenn was shocked. "Marcus, do you mean to tell me that Earth believed we would have attacked her again?"

Marcus squirmed in his seat before answering, "_Entil'Zha_, we were almost systematically wiped out as a species. And the race that did it stopped right at the most crucial point without ever giving us an understandable reason as to why. Also, the Federation jumped in with both feet during our reconstruction process and the rebuilding of the League as well as giving support to the Babylon Project after millennia of isolationism. None of the League races could understand why, and especially not us! It was very confusing to us and, well, frankly frightening. We didn't know what the Federation really wanted."

"For a long time, EarthDome feared that if it made one wrong move in regards to Minbar, our heads would be on the chopping block again. Why do you think that humanity has been basically cow towing to a race that almost wiped us out? Tell me _Entil'Zha_, is it reasonable and logical to assume that humanity really wanted to embrace the Minbari and their social belief system so whole-heartedly and so soon after the War? Is it really logical to assume that humanity would all of a sudden really see its own philosophies as so inferior after it had taken over ten thousand years of civil evolution to create them? Or would you expect those actions to be of a conquered race bent on survival under the proverbial yoke? And I can tell you that for several years after the war that no matter what was said at the negotiation tables and in the Embassies, that's exactly what humanity saw itself as."

Delenn was shocked speechless. Even after all her time as an Ambassador to Earth, she had never realized exactly how much her people had been feared. Oh, she'd known that the fear and hatred from the war had lingered, but never how much or that it went all the way to EarthDome. She was also shocked at her own blindness and arrogance. Oh Valen! To have been involved with a species for so long and to have missed so much!

"And does Humanity still fear us to that extent? Is the Earth Alliance joining this war against the Ancient Enemy because they fear our reprisal if they do not?" asked the Priestess.

Marcus shook his head. "It's a little more complicated than that, _Entil'Zha_. Human thought processes and politics are a little more intricate than the rest of known space gives us credit for. As for Djana being afraid of you - and I say Djana because as much as she's putting a pretty gloss on the situation, the EA is still under Marshall Law and that makes HER the EA - no, she's not afraid. Not any more. And as much as it hurts to both hear this and say this, she still hates the Minbari and will probably never trust you, even if she ever gets over her hatred. What she went through during the War, well, it won't let her. She's one of the permanently walking wounded," he finished in a strained voice.

Susan, seeing his old demons returning to haunt the Ranger, went on from there. "Let me give you a little Earth history lesson, my friend. It's a lesson that's particularly relevant here. First, let me tell you that the part of Earth where I was born and the one which President Savic is from have been political allies for a very long time, for well over a millennium now. Her people and mine speak dialects of the same ancient language, and the majority of both, for the lack of a better word, tribes, practice the same religion. They also follow many of the same social practices."

"Now, why is this important to the lesson? Well, it's because I can tell you how she thinks, and what is really going on behind that political mask of hers in regards to the Minbari. Basically, she's basing her actions against the Shadows on the political premises of a time in our history called World War Two, it happened about three hundred years ago. It is probably the darkest time in all of our more recent history, except for the War."

"It happened because a political faction called the "Axis" started that war and they were bent on complete world domination. The war was long, ugly, and tens of millions of humans died. Many of those that lost their lives were murdered in literal death camps run by the Axis. Five million followers of my religion were murdered in those camps alone. The entire world had to unite against the Axis in order to defeat them."

"Now, I'm simplifying things here a bit, but for our purposes it's fine. The rest of the world powers at the time divided were basically into two different and diametrically opposed governmental, economic, and political systems called Communism and Capitalism. They did not get along at all. They saw each other as a threat to their respective ways of life and as natural enemies. And, I'm sorry to say, the leader of the Communists at the time was a sociopath that was just as much a mass murderer as the leader of the Axis. The Capitalist countries knew this, and yet they still allied with him against the Axis. They did this because they saw the Axis as the bigger threat, the more dangerous enemy."

Marcus chimed in at that point. "We humans have an ancient saying. It is, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." And Susan's right. Djana is applying that philosophy whole-heartedly here."

Susan took over again. "That doesn't mean that she trusts the Minbari any further than she can throw a _Sharlin_ or that she likes the Federation. It just means that at this time she sees the Shadows as the bigger threat, just as the Capitalist Allies saw the Axis. She knows that she needs the Federation and the ISA to keep the EA alive, but that doesn't mean that we can expect continued friendship from her after the dust settles. If we here at B5, the ISA, and the Federation give her even one inkling that the EA is going to be stabbed in the back after the Shadows are dealt with, she'll close the borders, and freeze us out. It'll be a Cold War on a galactic scale."

"Cold War?" asked a puzzled Na'Toth before an equally puzzled Delenn could. Lyta went on to explain the historical reference by expanding on what Susan had previously said.

After she was done, another silence descended on the table as the aliens digested what they had been told. Marcus stared hard at his Commanding Officer before making his decision to speak again. "We're not stupid, naive, or unthinking _Entil'Zha_. We know what we have done in speaking so openly to you about the President and what we believe her thoughts and plans are. Nor are we in any way "voluntarily selling out" humanity. We just believe you need to know just how fragile your position at the negotiation table is with Djana. We all need this alliance to work. We need the EA just as badly as they need us, and if you go in and try to lead the negotiations, as would be your right as the Senior Ambassador at the table, we'll lose it, he said.

"You have to back off. You have to leave the table to the Captain. Djana can in no way come back from negotiations believing that the ISA will be Minbari controlled or that you have undue influence on the Captain. You have to let "Star Killer" and "The Killing Rain" duke it out." At Delenn's once again pale face he added, "That's right _Entil'Zha_, the only other human that the Federation hates and fears as much as the Captain is now the President of the EA."

"Oh, it would be a very good idea to NEVER EVER repeat to anyone that Djana is "The Killing Rain" if you want to keep the peace. Now, I've already told Neroon to follow Djana's lead at the sit-downs, but I've haven't told him who she was during the War. And, as much as it has galled him, from what he and Lorrel have told me so far, they've done even more than that. Well, Neroon has anyway," the Ranger finished.

Marcus took another sip of his now tepid tea before turning on the charm and humor. "All right ladies, this is supposed to be a time for blowing off steam, not for mucking about in morbid, emotionally draining, and politically nightmarish subjects. So in the spirit of letting off steam, let's get back to our original topic, specifically Madame President and her reactions to our collective thorn in the backside known as the Luamti Ambassador. You have already told me that Djana didn't kill him, now I know my former teammate well, and such impulse control was not her forte. So, may, I ask why the prat is still alive?" he asked.

Delenn jumped at the chance of putting the uncomfortable subjects behind them. "She did not get a chance to react before both Lorrel and her Security stepped into the situation," the _Entil'Zha_ answered.

"The Secret Service I understand. But Lorrel, well that's a new one. Weren't they avoiding each other like the plague?" asked a now confused Marcus.

"That's what we thought too," said Na'Toth. "But it seems that whatever issues they have between them have been settled."

"Settled how?" asked a very skeptical Marcus.

Considering that Djana was up to her neck in the charade they were all involved in, as well as her own political maneuverings, Marcus wouldn't put some very serious blackmail past his old friend. And that didn't count as settled, especially with Djana. It was just as put on the back burner to simmer until it exploded.

"We do not know, but what ever way it was settled, I do not think that Neroon was aware of it," Delenn answered, and then went on to explain why she was smirking with her answer. "The look on his face as Lorrel began to berate that, well to borrow your word, that prat, for impugning the honor of the EA President was simply priceless. Oh, he covered his surprise quickly, but for those who have known him, it was still easy to spot."

The ladies all chuckled at that answer, while Marcus digested this piece of news. "All right, Lorrel went after him verbally, but then, what did the Twin Peaks do?" Marcus asked.

The ladies all began to laugh outright at that nickname. For some reason, no one had been able to find out the actual names of the two Secret Service Officers that that where always with Savic. Also, Garibaldi had referred to them as "those two mountains" on more than one occasion, which had led Zack to call them the "Twin Peaks" as a joke. The nickname had stuck.

"Well, despite their size, those two can move fast! Anyway, they were on either side of that _svinja_ (pig) faster than lightening. They hemmed the jerk in while Lorrel went on the diplomatic and verbal attack. And when he was done, you could tell they were going to get started on him physically." My personal ISA bane was literally ready to wet his pants!" Susan answered with a very feral gleam in her eye.

"So is he in med lab now?" inquired a chuckling Marcus.

"Unfortunately, no. The Captain called for a recess to the session for the day. He seemed to think that we all needed "time to cool off". I've never seen a delegate leave the Assembly Chamber faster than that worm. He left a wake of insults and laughter at his predicament behind him," added a giggling Lyta.

"Ah. Well, that would explain his continued survival," a still chuckling Marcus got out.

"Yes, and thanks to the idiot, the four of us officially have the afternoon free," Lyta added.

"Oh, wouldn't that be nice! Unfortunately, I'm still buried in the backlog from my so-called medical leave," Marcus groused. The table groaned and chuckled at the memory of just what that "medical leave" entailed.

"You know Marcus, I can arrange for you to have an assistant. I have been meaning to do that for a while now, but things always seem to be getting in the way. I have been needing your help as a tactical advisor for a while now, and the aide would be handling more of your day to day duties," Delenn said.

"A desk job, _Entil'Zha_? Thanks but no thanks!" Marcus immediately answered, shuddering at the thought of being chained to a desk.

"No, Marcus. Not a "desk job", but a promotion to a tactical position with the Rangers and to a Combat Group Leader. We don't have very many experienced Warriors within out ranks, and I need every Ranger with such experience in positions where it can be best utilized," answered Delen.

Marcus was shocked. A promotion? And why for him? Everyone in the Rangers had always said that he was a loose cannon. Then he took a good look at Delenn and realized that she was serious.

"I… I don't know what to say, _Entil'Zha_. I am honored," he said as he stood up and formally bowed his acceptance, knowing that there was no way he could refuse again.

Delenn smiled happily at Marcus's acceptance to his new rank within the _Anla'Shok_. "Now, in celebration of you promotion, I am giving you the rest of the day off as well! Perhaps we can do something to commemorate such an auspicious occasion?" she asked.

Na'Toth immediately chimed in with, "Some of the EarthForce Warriors and Human _Anla'Shok_ are giving a demonstration of Human martial arts and different fighting styles in the Blue Sector Training Salle. Perhaps we could attend?"

Marcus looked away and visibly winced at that suggestion. All he needed to put him in a bad mood was to put up with those homophobic jarheads that treated him like a lily-livered pansy all afternoon. Unfortunately for the Ranger, the wince did not go unnoticed.

"Marcus? Has anybody been giving you any flack?" asked the Commander; concerned that Marcus may have been suffering harassment from the visiting EarthForce personnel over their ruse.

Marcus looked at Susan and shook his head. He knew better than to try and gloss over the issue with Susan. The woman could be more tenacious than a pit bull.

"No Susan, it hasn't been harassment, per say, he saod with a resigned shake of his head. "It's just that most those damned jarheads have been looking at me as if I'm some kind of hothouse flower ever since the story came out. They've been treating me with kid gloves to my face and smirking over the jumped up pansy behind my back. And the Rangers are refusing to spar with me for fear of injuring me accidentally and then having to face a pissed off Neroon looking to even the score. I don't think I would be to welcomed even as a spectator there."

Delenn and Na'Toth were a bit confused by some of the references, but got the gist of the statement as clearly as Susan and Lyta had. They were just as outraged on their friend's behalf. A myriad of profanity in a collection of languages followed.

Finally, Susan said, "Marcus, I think it's time we follow my motto; "You don't just get mad, you get even!" All right, here's what we're going to do…"


	11. Chapter 10

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

Acknowledgments: I must thank ckl for taking the time to beta read this chapter.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Ten

Marcus had balked at the plan at first, as had Delenn. Neither was happy with the idea of making an even greater spectacle of themselves than they already were. Delenn also didn't want to do anything to bring "Star Killer" back out. The Priestess had had more than enough experience with her intended's dark side to last her a lifetime! Plus, if things went wrong it would drag a certain to be irate Neroon into what could be an explosive mix. With those two deadly swords hanging over their respective heads, Marcus and Delenn had joined forces and argued rather adamantly against the plan for a time. But in the end, the devilish arguments presented paired along with the cajoling of the rest of their co-conspirators, and the shear diabolical aspect of the revenge had appealed to their vicious inner schemers and they finally agreed to go along with it, with a few minor changes to the plan, of course.

The first step in the plan was one that Marcus had added and insisted on. It was a private call to Neroon to warn the Warrior that mischief was about to be afoot and why. Susan had been the one to insist on the explanation part of the call after the change to her original plan, explaining that there was no way that Neroon would stay out of it if he didn't know why they were about to pull this stunt. Marcus had whole-heartedly agreed with her. The Ranger had gotten to know the Warrior during his "lounge holiday" and knew better than to think that they could get away with "But it was just innocent fun." or "Now how were supposed to know they were going to react that way? We just wanted to watch the exhibition!" if Susan's little "can't go wrong" plan turned out to be a Charlie Foxtrot. (The poor Ranger had almost died of embarrassment after having to explain to his _Entil'Zha_ what that old Earth military call sign was a euphuism for, as well as what the actual term meant!) Marcus had also used the call to tell Neroon that he had been promoted.

The _Shai Alyt_ had been in the middle of his midday meal and trying to meditate away some of his frustration with the more recalcitrant _Alyts_ and War Leaders of the Caste when he'd gotten the call. The poor Warrior had seen his all his efforts evaporate with that rather unwelcome little heads up. Neroon had groaned in dread at what the group was planning once he heard it. His mind's eye could easily picture Sheridan's alter ego going on a rampage if things went south, as the Humans said. Neroon also knew better than to try and stop them. As the saying went, he was out manned, out gunned, and out numbered in this fight.

Marcus he could possibly reason with, one Warrior to another. Delenn he could blackmail. There many stories of their collective youth that he was sure the Priestess did NOT want Sheridan to hear. But he had absolutely no leverage with Ivanova, Lyta, and Na'Toth. He knew he'd get nowhere with them in the mix; especially since Ivanova seemed to be pushing the issue. He'd also seen the Commander in action and he did NOT want to be her next target! As for Lyta, somehow taking on the allegedly most powerful telepath in known space and her ex-PsiCop lover (after the cascade mind-link, Neroon became positive that Lyta and Byron were always linked) just didn't appeal. Then there was the little matter of her employer. And, for that matter, Narns never ever fought alone either.

After beating down the combined dread Susan's little plan and the fleeting thought of confronting the "Fab Five" over this latest insanity had caused within him, Neroon kick-started his analytical brain and did what he could to minimize the fallout should there be any. He resolved to call one of his most trusted aides and have him run interference if needed. The Warrior also made a mental note to inform Sheridan that Ivanova (he was sure the Captain would take better if he thought his XO was almost solely responsible for the "situation") was planning a bit vengeance against some EarthForce personnel on behalf of his oh so horribly maligned _ma'fela_ (Neroon winced internally when he realized that he'd sunk so low as to play the sympathy card!) as soon as he was done speaking with his new friend.

The _Shai Alyt _then told Marcus to be very careful since some Warriors from other Clans might be at the exhibition and would react very badly to seeing the _ma'fela_ of their _Shai Alyt _acting "lasciviously" and/or being approached "inappropriately". The Star Riders he wasn't so worried about. Neroon had been able to make a pronouncement about his "relationship" with the _Anla'shok_ to his Clan. He'd explained that his _ma'fela_ was still rather innocent in regards to sexuality, lovers and the proper behavior of such couples. Neroon also explained that humans were more relaxed in such matters, thus making the transition for Marcus even more confusing. Finally, he'd asked - read ordered - his Clan to have a bit of patience with his "naïve young lover".

After his admonishment of Marcus to be careful, Neroon had lowered his voice as he spoke to Marcus, switched to _Lenn'ah_ and then asked the Ranger to make sure that Delenn didn't do anything stupid. The Warrior had absolutely no trust in the Priestess to behave herself as befit her station is that sea of Warriors – Human or otherwise – especially with Ivanova around to egg her on. Neroon told Marcus to keep as tight a leash on the _Entil'Zha_ as possible since they really didn't need to anger Sheridan again! Also, as Delenn's now official Combat Second as well as her Protector (Marcus had been a bit surprised to hear that his new position also implied that standing), it was Marcus's job to see that she was protected, even from herself.

Privately, Neroon still believed that the Priestess was easily led. Thus far, she hadn't done anything to dispel that notion either. Now he was starting to believe that Susan and Lyta were very, very bad influences on her, just as Mayan had been when they were young. The Warrior had shaken his head in wonder.

_How in the universe did Delenn always find the one or two beings around that were sure to bring out her most chaotic side?"_ he had thought to himself.

The Warrior had groaned at the memories of the pranks and mischief those two hoydens of his youth had been responsible for before Duhkat and Bramner had finally taken them in hand at the temple school. By Valen, he'd truly pitied the poor Priests! Neroon smirked to himself. He'd always privately thought that Bramner had joined the Warrior Caste not because the calling of his heart had changed, but because he'd needed to escape those twin terrors with his sanity intact! Marcus had brought him out of his trip down memory lane and assured him he'd be on his guard as well as keeping up his performance of the – ahem – "innocent little Ranger" who just didn't know what kind of effect he had on other beings. This of course caused a general round of heckling from the ladies.

Neroon snorted at that statement and what he could hear of the group's antics, then switched topics in order to congratulate his new friend on his promotion. After working up the courage needed in order to broach the subject in front of the, in his opinion, slightly insane group, the Warrior pensively asked what a human lover would do to celebrate such an auspicious occasion with their partner. Susan had chimed in with "Fuck 'em senseless!" from the background when she heard the question, causing the _Shai Alyt _to choke on his tea. After the giggling from the human ladies and Na'Toth, the lecturing on decorum by a mischievously smiling Delenn and the choking and blushing from Marcus were over, Marcus had answered that humans usually either planned a celebratory dinner either at home or out for such things.

Since it was such short notice, Neroon said they would go out. A proper celebratory Warrior Caste feast took an entire Standard day to prepare and they did not have time for something of that magnitude. When Marcus had tried to protest, Neroon cut him off by reminding him that after all, they had a ruse to keep up; and Neroon NOT treating Marcus to a celebration at such a time WOULD be noticed! When Marcus grudgingly grumbled out his agreement, the Warrior asked what type of establishment would be best for such an auspicious occasion.

Delenn had smirked to herself and named the place that John had taken her for their first date. As much as she and Neroon were now allies, Neroon was still not one of her favorite beings. The Priestess still liked the idea of "getting one over" on the Warrior, as Michael always said. Delenn really wished she could be the _gok_ hiding in the corner when Neroon was stuck with that check!

Neroon had warily thanked the Priestess for the suggestion. Neroon had a LONG memory and knew that she was setting him up for something just by the inflection of her voice. The Warrior made a mental note to have the restaurant researched by an aide, as well as ask after it when he spoke to Sheridan. With a final admonishment to his supposed lover to be careful and a reminder that they would meet up at the martial arts exhibition, Neroon had signed off on the call. He had then immediately called in his most trusted aides in order to speak with them in regards to making the arrangements for the dinner - and everything else.

Finally, as Neroon gathered the courage to call Sheridan and inform him of what the "Fab Five" were up too, the ladies of the group in question had been laughing over a rather diabolically evil impersonation of Neroon done by Delenn. Marcus had sighed, rolled his and come to the conclusion that his new position would be more dangerous to his sanity than anything he'd done in the field. He made a mental note to talk to Lennier and find out just how the poor monk had survived his post with his sanity intact for so long!

Of course, the end of the call and subsequent laughter at Neroon's expense had led to the next step in the plan. This stage had involved shopping for the, ah, "proper" outfit for Marcus to wear to the exhibition. The Ranger had NOT been pleased with Lyta and Susan's first choice of clothing shop. Marcus had adamantly refused to even try on any outfits from that so-called "clothing establishment", saying that he refused to go out in public looking like a "two credit hustler on the prowl for tricks". After having to have what that statement meant explained to her, the Priestess backed her Ranger one hundred percent, stating that Marcus looking like a street prostitute while NOT undercover (and this statement had led the other ladies to wonder at just what kind of assignments their virgin Ranger had pulled) not only reflected badly on her, but also on Neroon, and did they want to take on THAT maddened and feral _gok_ along with his entire pride, namely the entire Warrior Caste?

After everyone had agreed that that wouldn't be a very bright idea ("About as bright as a black hole minus the accretion disc." were Lyta's exact words.), the first shop was nixed and the search for another began. After much bickering between the humans in the group (this process of course had been highly amusing to the Minbari and Narn watching), they'd finally agreed on another more refined, not to mention more expensive, men's clothier. It was in that establishment the intrepid Ranger found himself in yet another pitched battle against Susan, Lyta, and at times Delenn and Na'Toth as well.

"No," Marcus ground at yet another "interesting" ensemble.

Lyta huffed in annoyance. "And just what is wrong with this one?" she got past gritted teeth while the rest of the group shot Marcus annoyed looks.

Marcus groaned, ran his hand through his hair while breathing deeply, and then after having gone through an entire calming mantra, answered, "Ladies, as much as I love you all as sisters, I can't agree with ant of these outfits. Na'Toth, the styles you keep picking out are rather severe, and well, monochromatic – not that there's anything wrong with black. Anyway, they'd be good for a Security consultant while on duty, but not for me for after hours. _Entil'Zha_, to put it simply, I just can't afford your taste; you bloody well know I'm not in the same pay bracket as your intended. And as for you two; Susan, Lyta, you two are picking out bloody good outfits for a high class rent boy!"

"Rent boy?" asked Na'Toth.

"Step up from hustler," explained Marcus. He'd rapidly lost his modesty in explaining risqué terms to this group after the earlier "Charlie Foxtrot" incident.

"Ah, a courtesan," replied Delenn while Na'Toth nodded her understanding.

"Close enough," added Susan, then she went back to the topic at hand. "All right, if what we're picking out what in your opinion looks good on a rent boy, then what about what Delenn picked out the last time? It's sharp and on sale to boot."

"Office wear," Marcus said with a decisive nod.

There was a collective groan from the ladies. "Office wear?! Come on Marcus, this last one is classy as all get out! Its damn well GQ! And you know it!" Susan practically yelled out.

Marcus took a surreptitious look at the audience of store clerks that was gathering and figured it would be a VERY good idea to get back into character. With a little tilt of his head and very slight nod toward the eavesdropping clerks that were picked up by the rest of the group, he sighed, practically flopped back into his chair, raised doleful eyes to the entire audience, and in a almost broken voice said, "Susan, please. I'm not the CEO of a mining corporation anymore. And wearing something like that, even seeing it, brings back too many painful memories. Please, I just want to pick out something nice and simple for dinner tonight."

He conveniently left out the part that he'd be making an appearance at the exhibition in the outfit as well. There was no need to let THAT particular cat out of the bag. They didn't want to give the EF rats any possibility of a heads up.

At that statement, the ladies all pasted sympathetic looks on their faces and went into the "consoling big sister" routine. After a bit of fussing by the ladies and a lost puppy impersonation by Marcus, Susan said. "Of course, _bratko_. Of course you do. And I'm sure you want to look dashing for that big Warrior of yours too."

Marcus was able to pull off a convincing blush as he lowered his eyes at that statement. The two female clerks on staff sighed at that little display. Finally, after collecting herself, the elder of the pair gathered the courage to approach the rather daunting group and offered her assistance.

"Ladies, Ranger Cole, I couldn't help but overhear your discussion. I'm Marion, the head clerk. Perhaps if you could give us an idea of what type of function you will be attending, I and my staff could be of some help to you, Ranger Cole?" she asked in a kindly voice.

Marcus blushed again, ducked his head, and convincingly stuttered out, "Oh, it's not a formal function, Marion, it's just dinner."

Delenn smiled this rather motherly smile then and added, "Oh, Marcus." for good measure. Then she turned and told the clerk, "Marcus has just been promoted within the _Anla'Shok_ and the _Shai Alyt_ wishes to officially escort his _ma'fela_ to evening meal in celebration. I believe that that Neroon mentioned something about _Chez Luis_ during our last discussion." The Priestess finished with an innocent expression.

After Delenn told the clerk where Neroon was taking Marcus for the celebratory dinner, the eavesdropping clerks, both male and female, let out a collective little gasp of envy. One was even heard muttering, "Must be nice; landing a rich bastard like that." which had Marcus flushing in real embarrassment. The head clerk shot her staff a disapproving look, which quickly shut them up, and then smiled a kindly smile at the "oh so adorably naive" Ranger while apologizing for her staff's rudeness. After that, she went to work.

Head Clerk Marion marshaled her staff as well as any front line combat officer that Marcus had ever seen and quickly began compiling ensembles that were chic and moderately priced, well, at least moderately priced for that shop. Within twenty minutes, Marcus had about a dozen outfits to try on. The Ranger then took the choices to a fitting room and began the laborious task of trying on all the outfits. He came out for the ladies' opinions only with the ones that made it on his possibility list. The annoyingly frustrating process was taking way too long in his opinion as it was; he wasn't going to add to it by parading around like some bloody runway model!

Finally, after trying on all the ensembles, and not really being completely happy with any of them, Marcus began to mix and match the separates. After having to meditate away the growing frustration, almost putting in a call to Djana for help, and reaching his fifteenth try in growing despair, he finally came up with something that fit all his criteria. Marcus looked at himself in the mirror, nodded at the reflection, and breathed a sigh of relief that the ordeal was over at last.

Marcus had approached compiling this outfit together as he would any outfit for an undercover EFI and/or Ranger assignment. The Ranger needed something that would help him immerse himself into the psyche of who he was supposed to be while "undercover". He wanted something that fit the "character" he was portraying. He needed something that was both "demure" – if that word could ever be applied to a man that knew over two hundred ways to end a life with just his bare hands, and had already used most of them – as well as sensual. He needed something that could be perceived as "innocent" as well as teasing by his audience. He needed something that was both conservative and dangerous at the same time. He needed something that he could both intimidate his audience with as well as entice them. And he needed it to not break his bank account. In other words, he was looking for the almost impossible, but as Jeff and Jesus had smiled on him, the Ranger finally struck gold.

After fixing his hair and trying out a few facial expressions for his portrayal in the mirror, the Ranger came out of the dressing room to get the ladies' opinions of his final creation. He walked out into the shop with a hesitant step that an "emotionally injured, insecure and shy Marcus" would have. When he reached the group, Marcus lightly cleared his throat to get their attention.

Marcus dropped his eyes in an embarrassed manor as both the staff and his co-conspirators turned their attention onto him. The Ranger then fully immersed himself into this other persona and asked in a very convincing soft and shy voice, "Um, do you girls think that Neroon would like this?"


	12. Chapter 11

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

Acknowledgments: I must thank ckl for taking the time to beta read this chapter.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. _Mebels_ are of course the product of Monica's wonderful imagination. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Eleven

Neroon groaned as he heard his aides' reports. He had been right about Delenn and her recommendation for the restaurant! Delenn, the First Hoyden of Tuzanor, had indeed struck again. The _Shai Alyt_ wanted to bang his head on his desk in frustration.

This minor problem could have been easily dealt with if she hadn't already broadcast to the entire station that he would be taking Marcus to _Chez Luis_ for evening meal, but of course, she had. Now, thanks to that Religious witch, he was stuck playing the arrogant, over-baring bastard in order to get reservations for this evening. Neroon shook his head in despair. His day could only go down hill from here since he hadn't even called Sheridan yet!

As Neroon took in the next bit of information and cringed, Lorrel had to laugh outright. "By Valen, Neroon! You look like a man that has to face his heart-mother after being found in bed by her with someone other than your mate! Just how bad can it be? All you have to do is talk to the man," he told his friend.

If looks could kill, Neroon would have been short one life-long friend at that point. "Ha. Ha. Talk to the man, he says. This is General Franklin, father of Dr. Franklin, the Station's Chief Healer and best friend of one Marcus Cole. I do not put it past that rabidly overprotective Healer not to sic his Warrior father on me if he comes to the conclusion that I, as the "devoted and more mature _ma'fela _of his innocent friend", am not treating Marcus in the manner I aught to."

"And as you have just heard, the Elder Franklin is now also the Head of TEACA's War Council and President Savic's chief military advisor. May I also remind you of what he thinks of the Warrior Caste? Does anyone other than myself remember that this is the Human Warrior who came up with that lovely Human catch phrase, "the only good Minbari is a dead Minbari"? Do any of you honestly believe that this conversation is going to go well?" the _Shai Alyt_ groused.

Lorrel sobered at that point. "You're right, Neroon. It will not be easy to deal with this Human. He is an experienced Warrior and an Elder of his people. He also hates us with a passion."

Neroon grunted in agreement. "With good cause, Lorrel. He hates us with good cause. As you have shown me, he and all of Humanity have every right to despise us. And now we have find a way to way to work with them."

Lorrel nodded morosely. "You still have to take his comm. call, my friend."

Neroon sighed and wearily rubbed eyes. "I know. Have your aide patch the call through," he said as he stood up and walked to the newly installed BabCom unit of his newly assigned on-Station office.

The stern face of General Franklin, one of the most decorated and honored officers of EarthForce, appeared on the screen. Neroon then did what no _Shai Alyt_ had ever done before. He bowed in deference to a being that was neither Minbari nor a member of the Minbari Councils.

"Greetings, General. You honor me with your call," Neroon said in his best Council voice, hoping that a little sweetness now would help balance the bitter gall he was sure was to follow.

General Franklin was at first surprised by the actions of the Minbari, but recovered quickly. He inclined his head in return. "_Shai Alyt_. I won't keep you long as I know exactly how short a supply time is for a soldier in your position. I have been informed by Madam President that the negotiations between the new EA and the Federation are complete and that we are now allied in this fight against the Shadows."

Neroon inclined his head in acknowledgement. Somehow, Lorrel, perhaps with the aid of Delenn, had managed to pull off the impossible. He had no idea how though. And after this morning's ISA Council meeting, Neroon knew that he really needed to talk to Lorrel in private about just how he accomplished that, but now was not the time.

"Yes, General, that is so," Neroon agreed.

"Well, _Shai Alyt_, that means that both our fleets and our ground forces need to learn how to work together," the General said. The old general was obviously fighting an internal battle in regards to letting his distaste at the idea show. He also was losing spectacularly. "We will need to stage joint battle simulations as well as combined fleet war games and soon," he finished.

Neroon internally sighed. He'd known this was coming, that the Caste would have to learn how to work with both the TEACA forces as well as the combined forces of the ISA. Unfortunately, getting his War Leaders and _Alyts_ to do this without causing a few new wars in the process was going to his newest headache. Also, as of this morning, getting them to actually work with the Lumati was going to be impossible. As for working with TEACA, the shame brought on by their actions during the war with Earth was going to make the upcoming war games an almost insurmountable challenge. Neroon stifled a groan at his thoughts and answered the General.

"I agree, General. We will need to learn how to coordinate our efforts and we will need to learn how to do it soon. According to the writings of Valen, the One you call Sinclair, time itself is against us," Neroon said.

The Franklin family patriarch snorted at that statement. "Neroon – may I call you Neroon?" when the Warrior inclined his head in permission the human went on, "Neroon, do you really believe that time travel bull that Savic and your Councils are spouting?" he asked, all his skepticism plainly visible.

Neroon sighed. He had learned to hate discussing this subject, especially when dealing with other races. "Yes, General I do. The evidence proving it is overwhelming."

Franklin shook his head. The General look as if he wanted to say something, but in the end chose not to. He simply shook his head disbelievingly again.

Neroon brought the distasteful subject up himself. He refused to leave it unsaid, refused to hide from the truth. "We, the Minbari as a whole, did not deserve Valen's mercy, General. I know what was done during the war with Earth. Had I been in His place, I do not believe I would have had the strength to grant such mercy to the people who tortured, violated and murdered my own, but that He did shows the greatness of Valen and why our race reveres his teachings and memory."

The old General seemed stunned at the statement at first, then his expression turned to stone. "So, the Minbari finally admit to the war crimes committed against humanity. Tell me, just why did your Grey Council decide to come clean after all these years? Why now and why admit it at such a crucial time?" he growled out in anger.

Neroon gathered his all his courage as he finally looked into the eyes of Human he knew had seen and knew of all his Caste had done – and wanted them all dead for it. Neroon knew he would pay for what he was about to say, but at this point, the Caste Council and the Council of Clans could both take themselves to the Vale of the Shadows for all he cared. He needed to build a working relationship with this Human and lying would get him nowhere, and besides, what honor was left to protect with those lies?

"General, there is no Grey Council anymore. Ambassador Delenn was forced to break it when it became unbalanced and corrupt. I know this because I was there. You see, I was asked to take the Ambassador's place on that august body. My actions and my shear presence were two of the many reasons why its dissolution was necessary. I have come to regret ever accepting that position and all that it involved. I am a simple Warrior and should never have thought of reaching that high. My blind ambition almost destroyed my people."

Neroon took a steadying breath and went on. "General, the Clan and Caste Councils did not order the disclosure of the war crimes committed by the Caste. I did. Once I was invested as _Shai Alyt_ and learned the extent of what was done, I was ashamed to call myself a Warrior. I am also ashamed of myself for allowing myself to remain blinded to the actions of my brothers in arms and for allowing myself to be deluded by their lies all these cycles. We, the Minbari race as a whole, are guilty of genocide, war crimes and atrocities too horrifying to name. That Humanity is willing to work with us in this crisis in nothing more than a miracle wrought by the will of the Universe Manifested."

The shocked and stunned Human could only stare at the Warrior as he slowly gathered his thoughts. Finally, he confronted Neroon again. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that you knew nothing of what was happening around you during the War? Or that you never found out what happened afterwards?"

Neroon flushed in both embarrassment and shame. Well, as Marcus kept saying, in for a penny, in for a pound. "Sir, as hard as it is to believe, it is the truth. I did of course hear rumors of the viciousness of certain portions of our forces, but never thought that the situation was as wide spread or so horrible as it truly was. To be honest, _Shai Alyt_ Bramner had an agenda for me that I did not know of. I was shielded from the truth by his entire staff."

Franklin snorted at that answer. "So, your old CO tapped you for this job early on and made sure you had retroactive plausible deniability in case it all hit the fan, is that what you are trying to say?"

Neroon nodded. "Among other things, yes, that is what happened." There was no need to get into the whole "aborted courtship" issue.

Franklin seemed to accept that explanation. "Well, the man knew how to cover all his bases, that's for sure. Do you have time to meet this evening to start planning the joint operations?"

Neroon shook his head and sighed. "I am sorry General, this afternoon and evening have been set aside for personal obligations." Neroon took on a proud demeanor and went on, hoping that the information would be relayed to that _Sech_ of a Healer by his father and the younger Franklin would finally call off that pack of Human hunting _mebels_ (Minbari "panthers") he'd had set on Neroon's heals. "_Anla'Shok_ Cole has been elevated to _Shok'Na _(Ranger Captain) and Champion today. As is tradition, I wish to celebrate this occasion with him. We will be meeting at the exhibition that your Warriors are holding before we attend evening meal."

General Franklin looked at Neroon again, this time in confusion. "Come again?"

Neroon was stunned by the look the man gave him. "I am sorry, General I thought you knew. After all, Marcus and your son are the best of friends. Besides, thanks to some rather annoying idiots on staff with the Babylon 5 communications department, our relationship has now become fodder for the intergalactic press."

The General chuckled. "Ouch! My condolences on the reporters. But I still have no clue as to what you're talking about. Neroon, first off, I don't listen to the so-called news. It's all political tripe, no matter who's in charge. Second, I haven't had a chance to talk to my son in well over a month. Third, I've been on a deep space mission for even longer than that and I only received priority orders to come to Babylon 5 in the last week. Since I only arrived yesterday and haven't even set foot on the Station, I'm behind the eight ball on everything. I've just barely been able to catch up on what's happened in EarthDome, let alone everywhere else. I've barely gotten my bearings as to my new post."

Neroon nodded in understanding. He knew EXACTLY what it was like to be blindsided by a promotion. "You have my sympathies, General. I have been in that position myself. Well, to make a long story short, since I'm sure you'll be hearing the more detailed version from you son soon, I now have something in common with Ambassador Delenn. I too am in a relationship with a Human. His name is Marcus Cole and he is an _Anla'Shok_, a Ranger. Today, he was elevated to the equivalent rank of _Shok'Na_, of Ranger Captain. He was also named as one of Delenn's advisors as well as her Champion. As is the tradition of my Caste, we will be celebrating his elevation this evening."

General Franklin just stared at him. Finally, he said, "You have a very effective PR officer, I'll give you that."

This time, it was Neroon's turn to be confused. "I am sorry, but I do not understand your reference."

The Human snorted. "Sure you don't. Well, since this evening is a no go, I'll have my aide contact yours to set up a time to meet. Have a good day, _Shai Alyt_."

"Good day to you as well, General," Neroon replied before both men signed off.

Neroon then turned around, walked back to his desk and slumped wearily into his chair. "Well, that was bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be," he got out as an aide that had to be telepathic brought him a cup of tea.

Lorrel sighed. "Well, at least he's willing to work with us, even if the idea does make him want to vomit. Now, let's get that talk with Captain Sheridan over with."

Neroon groaned as he put his tea down. "Tell me again why I'm doing this?"

"Because you don't want Star Killer to come out and go on a rampage of vengeance," replied Lorrel.

"We have the Captain on the line, Sir," Darreem said as his superiors tried to regain their bearings.

"Put him through, Darreem. I need to get this over with," Nerron said as he got up again. Of course, that conversation went just as he expected it to.

* * *

On board the _Nemanjic_, Savic was sharing a drink with her Secretary of Defense and her new Chairman of the TEACA Joint Chiefs. "Well, what do you think of him?" she asked.

Franklin glared at her over the rim of his whiskey tumbler. "I hate going into a mission cold and I hate being put on the spot even more, Madam President. But, you were right. Getting prior information would have definitely colored my view of the new _Shai Alyt_. That said, I think we can work with this Neroon. Either his handlers are the best in known space or that Minbari really has seen the Light. Either way, we'll be able to work with him until this crisis is over. Now, would someone please tell me what the hell is going on with this Cole character and just how is my son involved?"

So, Savic told him. She left nothing out. She also told him the whole truth about the webs of deceit spun within webs of deceit. The wily President started at the very beginning with the Kreene and continued to the present day. Of course, she had to stop at intervals in order to let the poor man catch his breath in between the rounds of uncontrollable laughter.

Finally, after catching his breath for the last time, the General was able to talk again. "All I can say is that Rebo and Zootie have nothing on this Cole. Just how – no, never mind. I don't think I want to know. So, from what you've said Steven really isn't involved in this mess?"

Walker shook his head. "Unless Cole's lived up to his old EFI reputation for idiocy, no your son isn't involved."

The three humans then sat in silence as the General digested everything he had heard. Still contemplating what he'd learned, Franklin looked up and caught a strange gleam in is Commander in Chief's eyes. "I've seen that look before, Ma'am, usually when Steven was planning some monumentally stupid stunt. What are you thinking and just how bad are the casualties going to be?"

Savic nonchalantly put her glass down. "No true casualties, General, just two of our best taking one for the team. I was just thinking about something Sheridan said. Ole Johnny boy once said that he wanted to play matchmaker himself."

Walker's went wide as he stiffened and swore. "Oh shit! The man's an effen' genius! I can't believe we didn't think of this ourselves!"

Franklin was now confused. "Excuse me?"

Savic chuckled. "Tell me General, how would you feel about seeing two humans on the Minbari Council of Clans as well as a human holding a seat on the Warrior Caste's internal Council?"


	13. Chapter 12

Title: Chaperones and Charades

Author: Third Charm

Fandom: Babylon 5

Pairings: Delenn/Sheridan, Susan/Byron/Lyta, Marcus/Neroon.

Story Type: Comedy, Parody, and Drama.

Current Chapter Rating: T

Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Bros. The Kreene, Lorrel, and the House of Ard are my original additions for the purposes of the storyline. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.

Warnings: AU and AT, not completely beta read, WIP, first attempt at fan fiction, slash in later chapters.

Chapter Warning: **Profanity! **Yep. That's right, folks, Savic is back! So, we're talking about hard-bitten human soldiers' profanity here, folks. Also, there will be some **VERY non-PC religious references** by said character in this chapter. **DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE EASILY INSULTED!**

Spoilers: Everything, including the kitchen sink.

Summary: Marcus becomes the target of a diplomatic matchmaker for an alien noble. In a desperate attempt to escape from the matrimonial web being spun around him, Marcus somehow convinces Neroon to help him out. Insanity ensues.

Acknowledgements: I must thank ckl for taking the time to beta read this chapter.

_Author's Note_: One Earth year equals 0.74 Minbari cycles. The Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations. In order to make this story work, certain characters of B5 join the War Council earlier that in the series, while others that were not involved in the Council are. The roles of aids of the Ambassadors have also been expanded. Hey, I did say this was AU!

* * *

Chaperones and Charades

Chapter Twelve

General Franklin's jaw dropped at that unprecedented statement from his Commander in Chief. There was no way that Savic and her SoD could truly mean what he thought they meant. There could be no possible way that the Minbari were so stuck in the traditions of the ancient past that a position in their Federation's government could be attained by the simple expedience of marriage!

"My God! They really can't be THAT backward, can they?" asked Franklin. "None of the known races, not even the nobility oriented Centauri, have such archaic laws still on the books."

Savic smiled viciously. "Oh, but they can be and are, my good General. The boneheads still hold to so-called "tradition" as a second basis for their government. The first of course being the bullshit that Sinclair fed them."

Franklin shook his head in disbelief, still dumbstruck by the idea. "But… but even if it's true, there's no way in hell that they'd let the man they call "StarKiller" anywhere near their government! It doesn't matter who Delenn really is or what she wants. The Federation as a whole hates Sheridan, and I mean truly, utterly and to the depths of their collective soul HATES him! They want to see him burned at the stake, not to see him be put in charge of ANY part of their government – not even the waste management system of a penal colony!"

Savic nodded as she leaned back in her chair while taking another sip of her alcohol of choice. After swallowing, she said, "That's true, General. That's so true that no one would be able to dispute it, and there's nothing that can really change how the Federation feels about good old Johnny. Oh, Durhann and Delenn can whitewash the situation all they want, but the most important truth of the matter is that Sheridan caught their best and brightest with his ass hanging out and made him pay for it in blood - and they hate him for it."

Walker nodded in agreement. "He got them in the one spot no species that arrogant can forgive an injury to; right in the ego."

"Damn straight! "Savic enthusiastically agreed. "Simply put, John-boy humiliated them as a species. THAT'S why they hate him. They don't hate him because he was "dishonorable" but because he was the first person in over a thousand years that showed all of known space that they could be just as arrogant, just as overconfident and just as stupid as any other species out there."

Savic snorted in derision along with the two men. "You can't act all holier than thou if all of known space can see just how stupid your so-called "best of the best" can be. The Warrior Caste, and particularly those Wind Sword _stoka bez repa,_ pounded the first nails into the coffin of their collective standing before known space with how they acted during the War. The Alyt of the Drala'Fi, their flagship, pounded a few more in by getting blown to hell by a ship that was slower, weaker and by their standards "quite primitive". And to top it all off, John's ship was already crippled when he sent that bunch of boneheads to meet Satan! Then Delenn and her cohorts practically finished the job with the surrender at the Line. And now Shakiri, and I SO love the way that sick fucker offed himself, had nailed the last nail in that coffin with how he accomplished THAT job!" she crowed.

The two men in the little group couldn't help but chuckle at the memory of Shakiri's now infamous end while Savic smiled coldly and viciously again, savoring the humiliating demise of one of her personal nightmares before going on. "And now their Favorite Son is forcing them to choke down the bitter truth of, and their collective guilt over the War. At the same time, their Favorite Daughter has turned herself into a human/bonehead hybrid and is gallivanting around all of known space with the man that gave their species their first collective black eye since the Shadows kicked their asses so bad that Sinclair, a human, a so-called inferior, had to go back in time to save them with an "inferior" human space station full of "inferior" human arms and technology."

"Now that's GOT to be burning them," Franklin added. "Imagine knowing that one of the "primitive animals" that they tried to exterminate was responsible for the greatest military victory that their species ever had and then went on to save their species from tearing itself apart with civil wars."

The humans chuckled at that little tidbit before the President continued on. "Oh, and let's not forget that they almost killed said Savior numerous times! Can you imagine the horror and humiliation they must feeling as a race at that one? I mean it's like having a combination of the Christian Pope ordering that Christ be burned at the stake for heresy or an Ayatollah ordering that Mohammed to be put to death for breaking the Shari'ah with some idiot drilling a few holes in Noah's Ark because he was pissed off that Noah's goats ate his wife's herb garden," Savic added.

All three humans shook their heads at that combination of idiocy and irony of the Minbari, not to mention the picture she'd painted, before Savic finished her diatribe. "And to top it off, their so-called Special Forces have been opened to humans; humans who have the unmitigated gall to show that they are just as good as, if not better, than their own people at doing the dirty work. Oh, and in the meanwhile, the before mentioned Favorite Son is "openly", uh… well to the public anyway, "openly" romancing one of those human interlopers, and to make it even worse, it's a MAN! Which means that there's the possibility that they'll loose his genetic addition to their dying gene pool if he goes so far as to actually MARRY the little shit. And, as the cherry on top of all of THAT, they have the specter of StarKiller joining their government hanging over their collective heads!"

Savic chortled a bit at the Federation's streak of bad luck and PR before going on. "It's just been one belief shattering revelation and/or action after another for the boneheads. Their whole cultural worldview has been turned upside down in the last few months. Hell, the boneheads are in it so deep that if I didn't want to see the fuckers burn so bad after the Shadows are dealt with, I'd ALMOST feel sorry for them."

"Anyway, back to the matter at hand, OF COURSE seeing StarKiller sitting on the Council of Clans would be the straw that broke the camel's back. OF COURSE they hate the very idea of it! OF COURSE it would be enough to start a civil war…" Savic paused again to wet her whistle. After that pregnant pause and another vicious little smile, this one so vicious that a shark would be proud of it, she finished, "and that's Wily Ole Johnny is willing to send some poor, stupid unsuspecting _binzov_ in to clear the path before him; to set the precedent if you will – and to draw out any potential assassins."

"But didn't you just tell me that Cole and Neroon are just acting?" A very shocked General Franklin asked.

"Yep, but once those two idiots blundered into the situation, Sheridan grabbed at the opportunity with both hands. And I don't think that what Cole and The Widow Maker want matters much to Sheridan at this point, or Durhann, Delenn and the Minbari Councils for that matter," she answered.

"A situation like that has the potential to blow up in Sheridan's face and in a big way," Walker replied.

"Oh, I think that the good Captain has enough dirt on both of them to keep that from happening, or to at least do just as massive an amount of damage control if it does," the President replied.

Donald Walker shook his head and sighed. He had to agree with Savic. It all made way too much sense – and it would be exactly what a man who was as tactically brilliant John Sheridan would do. It was a good, solid infiltration plan. It was a good, solid execution with a damned good back up plan. It also turned Walker's stomach. This wasn't the bright, enthusiastic and honorable young man he remembered from the EarthForce Academy. That John Sheridan would have never even thought of something like this, let alone implemented it!

The old Marine wearily rubbed his eyes before saying, "God Djana! If David ever finds out in just what type of Machiavelli his son has turned into, it'll kill him. The Sheridan family motto may be, "When you love, love without reservation. When you fight, fight without fear," but if you go by how David's lived his life, it should have been, "Honor and integrity at all times"."

Savic pressed her lips into a thin line and grunted in agreement. There was nothing she could to say to refute that statement, or even to mitigate it. What John Sheridan had become because of the War, Anna's death, Clark and the Shadows WOULD kill his father if he ever found out. And the senior Sheridan's death would further wound Savic in the process. David Sheridan was one of the very, very few folks in EarthGov the she actually respected. He was the very last of what she'd thought was an already dead breed; he was a true Officer (retired) and a true Gentleman. And he was one of an unbelievably small number of people that Savic felt safe enough with to actually be alone in the room with; completely alone, with not even her two ever present shadows.

Franklin sighed and morosely nodded in agreement as well. He'd never had a great deal of contact with the retired Officer and Ambassador, but from what he remembered of David Sheridan, Walker's statement was right on the money. "God! I how I HATE what that cursed War has done to us as a species!" he growled out. "As much as I hate what Steven did during the War, as much as I'm ashamed of my son for holding back information that could have stopped the War earlier, at least he remained true to himself and held his integrity and personal honor together. And that's so very much more than the rest of us have been able to do!"

Savic and Walker both snorted at statement. "Ain't that the truth! Sometimes I feel as if humanity has whored itself out just to survive," Walker added morosely.

"You're both right boys, and I'm the both the star whore AND the Madame of this fucking intergalactic whorehouse," Savic said bitterly.

"And I'm playing political catch-up with the customers to boot. I'm so far behind in this mess it's not even funny" she groaned. "The Shadows have been planning this coming war for a thousand years. The B5 folks have their political wheels within wheels that have been going since before Clark even took power. The Centauri and Minbari both have been pulling strings behind the scenes of known space for who knows how long and the Vorlons…" Savic broke of the sentence, sighed, slouched in her chair and ran a frustrated hand through her hair, "and who knows exactly what the Vorlons have been doing besides coaching the Minbari in being violent, arrogant, closed mouthed bastards, but what ever it is, it's bound to be bad with a capital "B" for Humanity. And on top of all of that there's a new player on the field and I have absolutely NO clue what they're here for!"

The two men nodded, Walker whole-heartedly and Franklin pensively. Franklin agreed with the sentiments, if not the language and metaphors used. Everything that the President had said so far was true from their point of view. Unfortunately, neither one of them knew how to help the Commander in Chief in this situation.

After a bit of silent thought, Walker came to a conclusion. "I may be wrong here, but I think that the only person in this mess that knows the most of what's going on is Sheridan."

Savic nodded. "I came to that conclusion during our first private conversation. He put a LOT of cards on the table, and still had an entire deck held to the vest. That bastard even has a personal in with Kosh!" she growled.

"He really is the linchpin here. And that's the problem. I need that man more than he needs me, and more than he needs TEACA's resources." She took another drink before going on. "Coming into this mess, I really thought I had the upper hand with him. I really thought the new fleets and communication systems would sway him my way. Now it looks like it was just enough to pay my stake to take a seat at the table and nothing more."

Franklin was a bit surprised at Savic's statement. First off, Sheridan was human. That alone should have counted for something when dealing with his own home world. Also, Sheridan was still an EarthForce Officer at heart - no matter what uniform he was wearing. That too, should be a point in their favor. The old General sighed. It looked like the scuttlebutt was true and Delenn had been able to sway the man away from his own species. Well, it was either that or the lure of intergalactic political power.

"I can't believe that Sheridan is that much of a power monger or that he would change that much just for a pretty face," he said disbelievingly.

Savic shook her head in denial. "I don't think he's a power monger, General. And he hasn't rolled over for Delenn either. I know for a fact that he doesn't trust her to lead the Rangers alone. He said as much quite openly to me. No, I think that he's using her to control the Rangers."

At the two men's shocked faces, she added, "Oh don't get me wrong, Sheridan isn't just using the bitch. He really does love her, but he's still using the opportunities his relationship with her is giving him. He's gotten to the point where he isn't letting his family's standard of honor get in the way of doing what he thinks needs to be done. Which leads back to my main problem. He thinks he needs to play hardball here and I've already played every card I have with him."

Savic threw back the last of her drink and poured herself another "God! What a fucking mess! I loaded for bear before I left and found out I'm hunting a mountain lion instead!" she growled out in frustration.

There was a tense silence following that statement. Then Walker had the proverbial light bulb go off. He thought he knew how to get the President an ironclad in with Sheridan. Unfortunately, this idea turned his stomach as much as everything that Sheridan was doing did.

"Ma'am you aren't going to like this any more than I do, but I think I know what you can bring to the table that will put Sheridan in your back pocket," he said hesitantly.

Savic merely raised an eyebrow while taking another sip of her personal poison.

"By permanently making sure that the Cole/Neroon situation doesn't blow up in his face," he answered the unspoken question.

A now very, very wary Franklin asked, "And just how would that be done?"

Walker took a strong dose of Dutch courage himself before answering with, "Bester."


End file.
